Hi all,

I'm Mike, a recovered alcoholic and new to this forum. I am sure I will learn plenty and hope I can contribute a little.

I was one of those hopeless cases, beyond human aid and at death's door when I crawled into AA. I was one of the stupidest people ever to grace the rooms, I had lost the ability to reason and could barely string a sentence together. I had no understanding of, and had never shown any interest in, matters theological or philosophical, relationships or how the world worked. My life from 13 to 22 was largely one of self gratification in a cloud of ignorance.

I was in AA about 6 weeks before I could say the serenity prayer without reading it. Memories of my first meeting are of a man called Joe with a bright yellow bush shirt and a big smile and he made me welcome -  a new experience for me. I felt little but shame and remorse as I sat in the back row looking at the floor and hiding from the chair, hoping I would not be asked to speak. If asked I declined saying I preferred to listen.

Somewhere I got the idea that I might learn by listening. I looked for the similarities and found plenty. I knew these people had been where I had been, so there wasn't much new or helpful that I could tell them. They'd been there, done that. But they had something I didn't have. They offered me hope of a better life, actually a life beyond my ability to imagine. And they told me the fastest way to get there - the 12 steps.

One small problem, the steps were beyond my understanding, I lacked the knowledge and experience. But they told me not to worry, that I needed only three things, honesty, open mindedness, and willingness, but these are indispensible. Well I was about as willing as only the dying can be, and I could manage at least some of the other two. And the miracle of my journey in sobriety began. It is amazing what a little honesty,open mindedness and willingness can bring.

Fortunately I landed amongst real alcoholics and they saw my desperation and took me through the steps quickly, before that "window of opportunity" had the chance to close on me. So in a few short months the drinking problem was solved, the desire to drink was taken away. But there was more to this programme. As I tried to live the steps my life just got better and better and within two years I was living a life so much better than my wildest dreams, I was starting to get what you have.

I guess I rejoined, or maybe joined for the first time, the human race. I became part of the community, I had a job with prospects, I had hobbies and interests on the outside, and I was part of this amazing fellowship, and the greatest joy of all was to be able to help in a small way, the still suffering alcoholic.

After a few years I married and have two beautiful children. We were married almost 20 years when my wife passed away after a long battle with cancer. In this and other perhaps lesser crises in my life I was able to cope, to instinctively handle situations that would have baffled me, without even the thought of a drink. That problem was solved by AA long ago, contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition, it does not exist for me. Working the steps to the best of my limited ability, and it has been very limited at times, enabled me to cope, with God's help, with practically anything that life threw at me.

I came to AA as an agnostic. This was based purely in prejudice and ignorance, I had never bothered to give the matter any thought you see. But through the steps I have been able to find the proof I needed of the existence of God, as I understand Him and have developed an abiding faith based on actual experience. I know I have nothing to fear and no matter what happens, it will be alright in the end. For me this is a fact, just as it is a fact that the 12 steps made it possible for me to develop this faith.

I feel grateful too that the oldtimers that helped me seemed, in hind sight, to be practicing the long form of the third tradition. When I arrived in the fellowship I was desperate alright but I hadn't the sense to know that stopping drinking was part of the answer. So I had no desire to stop drinking, infact quite the opposite. On the short form I would not have been eligible. But it was obvious to them that I was suffering (badly) from alcoholism, and they took me to their hearts.

Those oldtimers were wondeful to me. Although I was 22 and they were mostly in their sixties and older, our stories were very similar, and I learned so much from them. The principles that worked for them worked equally well for me, there was no genrational gap so to speak. To the openminded, the prinicples of AA's 12 steps transcend all ages. And these folks walked the walk. It always amazed me how they, and some of them were leading dignitories in our town, would spend time talking to me, who looked like the "Wild Man from Borneo" with no other motive than to help me get sober. What kind and generous men and women they were.

Now, about meetings. I went in for the 90-90 thing as it was suggested and, while I have heard some contrary views, I found it to be helpful. It gave me a place to be each day and let the fog lift enough for me to get a glimpse of what you had, and to make the decision to got to any lengths to get it. I also got the message about prayer and sponsorship and was blessed in both areas. But somewhere there my path diverged from many of my contemporaries. I took oh so seriously the requirement for rigorous honesty, and the need to be fearless and thorough from the very start, that the steps became the priority and as they worked their magic, balance began to come into my life for the first time. Family, work, social, AA. I felt I could face the world and didn't need to be hiding in AA every night.

I don't think I have ever come crashing into a meeting demanding to share some immediate life problem. Although I have problems outside like everyone else they just don't come to mind when I am in a meeting. Instead I listen and try and contribute something of the solution that might help someone. I heard a saying "take your problems to your sponsor and your solutions to a meeting" - quite good advice really. Besides all my life problems are minor when compared to the importance of the new comer hearing AA's life saving message (and not my trivial problems)

I have noted concerns about the current state of the fellowship and the dangers to alcoholics of my type when sponsored or advised by those who don't have the same imperative to live the steps. These days I would be less inclined to suggest 90-90 to a sponsee and more inclined to spend more time with them working on the basics and perhaps giving them a better idea of how AA works.

I mentioned my contemporaries earlier and as I write, four come to mind. This group has quite a few things in common. They all came to the fellowship about the same time as me or a little before, they all went through the same reputable treatment programme( I didn't), they all tried to help alcoholics, especially others who have been through the same treatment programme , they all helped me in different ways, they were all nice deserving people, they all attended way more meetings than me, they are all still attending meetings, they all have issues with the steps thinking they are out dated or not applicable in their entirety and they have all failed to maintain a continuous sobriety. Although we are all a similar age they all look a good 10 years older than me. They have shown me again and again that, for alcoholics of my type, there is no way around the steps. Meetings alone just don't cut it.

God bless you all

Mike H.

-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Monday 25th of July 2011 05:32:59 AM