I originally joined AA at the age of 18 back in 2008 and spent nearly two years sober until one night I was at a party with friends and though "why not?" and had a drink. The next meeting I went to, I told no one about this and decided to quietly leave AA.
In the thirteen months that has past since then, I still rarely drank and I feel I have moved forward in my life and make use of counselling services for the depression I have suffered from for most of my life.
Through a chance meeting with a couple of guys I knew from AA, I found out that a friend from my former home group is celebrating his 20th anniversary. I contacted him to congratulate him on his achievement and he invited me to attend the meeting. I accepted the invitation because it would be good to see him and the others again.
Strangely, through pride or fear of being made out to be less than those who didn't "go back out" I had never intended to return to AA.
However, I had a particularly bad experience over the past month with regards to relationship issues with my girlfriend. We just simply hadn't been getting along. Long story short; last saturday night (9th July) she held a small gathering at her house, me and her had an arguement and I got drunk and was sick all over her new couch and into the sink of her new bathroom. Firmly believing my relationship to be over, on sunday night I poured my remaining vodka down the toilet and I have not drank since.
I don't class myself as an alcoholic, but I have no doubt that I am someone who simply should not drink and I do have a desire to stop drinking.
-- Edited by Midge on Saturday 16th of July 2011 12:10:06 PM
I can relate to your situation and what you're going through. I too, had to face the consequences of my actions after relapsing 10 years ago, leaving behind some lingering doubts and uncertainties. The underlying cause behind my relapse was a "reluctance to change", raising more doubts and concerns about my dilemma. The lingering doubts of "how I ended up here" and the growing concerns of "what happens next" overshadowed my ability to remain sober. Basically, I had to come clean about everything -including "my alcoholism", before I was able to move on from there. I no longer had the luxury of sifting through an endless barrage of excuses to finally come to grips with "Why I Drank?", because my drinking affected just about everyone and everything. This brought some much needed closure to my growing dilemma, as I began to experience life without the drink. So, admitting my alcoholism was no longer the problem, but doing something about it certainly was. That's when AA stepped in and life as I know it has come full circle as a result.
If you can recover without the support of AA, then so be it. The choice is up to you. Convincing people of the obvious (their alcoholism) is one thing, saving them is another. So, it really comes as no surprise that certain people do fall off the wagon, time and time again, even though they claim superhuman abilities, like "I can control my drinking at any time". This gnawing dilemma is something I'm all to fimilar with. I too, had to be convinced of my powerlessness, even though the tell tale signs were there. The message of recovery can only resonate so far before something has to give. That's why they say in recovery: "I can carry the message, but I can't carry the drunk". How true...This is where AA comes in.
"AA" will continue to carry this message to the still suffering alcoholic with the hopes of convincing as many people possible, despite the controversy. How people respond from there is up to them. I hope you respond accordingly. Making the right choice is crucial here and I hope the alcoholic who's still on the fence, makes the right decision -for today. Your sobriety "is" our main concern, regardless of what you're going through. So, Keep close Midge, as you weigh the decision to either "stay" or go.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Saturday 16th of July 2011 11:57:10 PM
We can't judge whether or not you're an alcoholic since you don't mention how much your drank or what the consequences have been. But you're only 21, so if you're uncomfortable with your relationship with alcohol, it might be a good idea to end it and get on with your life.
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Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
Many alcoholics I know are the most wonderful people I've ever been around and then too when they have drank alcohol like myself we have pretty much done or come close to doing the same thing you did for the same reason. Alcohol is a mind and mood altering drug not a health source (just my recovery lessons). I drank to change things in me and outside of me...are not a bad person, just a sick person suffering from a compulsion to drink with an allergy of the body. I'm betting you could probably be more successful never drinking again in the fellowship than outside of it and then I get that Idea by being a member hanging with members. Keep coming back to MIP and participating in our recovery. ((((hugs))))
Welcome Midge. Once heard the saying "it's better to be sitting in AA rooms pretending to be an alcoholic than sitting in bar rooms pretending not to be an alcoholic." That really helped me, I can tell you. :)
Welcome back Midge, I agree with you completely----returning to AA will not do you harm at all!! Wish I would have figured it out sooner...but six years of sobriety has changed my life for the better.
Today I was at a Big Book study. I find the book more interesting that I had previously, probably because of a little more life experience and maturity.
