this is my first post here. After yet another horrible disaster from a weekend of drinking I am trying to accept that I have a problem. I don't crave alcohol, so I want to believe that I do not have a problem. However, once I start I cannot stop. This has led me to nights of drinking myself to oblivion, wrecking my car, and cheating on my husband as this last weekend did.
You see, my husband is in rehab for pain pills right now. Our marriage has been a bumpy one to say the least. My family is ready to abandon me if I don't abandon him and that breaks my heart.
I did not know life could feel so terrible. I feel like I'm dying. I have no direction with what to do with my marriage, I feel sick, I can't sleep, can't eat.
There are just so many factors here. I didn't know life was going to be this complicated.
Through my drinking and his drug use we have both brought worlds of disaster to this relationship. With all that is involved is there any way to salvage this? Or is it time to move on? When do you accept that two people just aren't good for each other? It's so hard because I don't want to live without him (my co-dependency at its strongest). He has been in my life since I was 16 and I feel like I don't know how to live without him. And the perseverence in me doesn't want to give up.
I just needed to vent here. I went to my first al-anon meeting Sunday and today i will attend my first AA meeting. Looks like I'm one of the lucky "doubles"
Any advice or calming words or wisdom would be appreciated.
Welcome to our little community. You're not alone.
When I was drinking, I used to think there was no way I could get straightened out because I had SOOO many problems. Anxiety, ennui, a rough marriage, anger problems, an unhappy childhood, etc etc etc.
But I found out that, when I quit drinking, all that got MUCH easier to deal with. The alcohol was making it all about ten times worse than it had to be. I found out that LOTS of people struggle with that stuff, but they find ways to deal with it and lead happy lives.
When I quit, my marriage got better, my anxiety decreased, and I no longer felt so put-upon by the other stuff. It took time and everything didn't become perfect, but it got a LOT better. Mainly because I was a stronger person and had reserves of inner strength and calm to deal with all that stuff when booze wasn't messing up my brain chemicals and moods.
Hope that helps. Don't forget to tell your doctor you're quitting. Withdrawal symptoms can be scary and you need to know what to expect.
Keep coming back...
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Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
Alot of us have been where you are now so your not alone. Sounds like you have a good start by going to meetings. That is where you will find the solution. You cant fix a relationship until you yourself find a solution for you. You are on the right path. You cant do anything about yesterday only today. Live today! Dont worry about tomorrow, we are not guaranteed that. AA gave me the peace that I didnt know was out there. I hope you find the same. Keep coming back!
Admission,surrender ,and an emotional acceptance of utter defeat,Welcome to the early stage of the healing process.Yes make some meetings,listen to suggestions and get in the "solution" our steps worked with a sponsor.I also am a co-dependent(Nar-Anon)no implied endorsement here)... as I have a 25 year old who is now in recovery from 8 years of hard core Heroin addiction...The step process is the solution in both fellowships,learn what they mean and how to apply them in your life through the knowlege of a sponsor and watch your "life"start resurrecting!!We have a Power greater than ourselves we place our hope,faith and trust in early in our 2nd step,that Power is as simple as whatever keeps you from picking up,kind of situational at the early stage,your own concept,the group,a sponsor,spiritual principles,the evidence of your peers,a message shared etc.You will continue to develop as you remain open minded ,willing and honest..Keep coming back.you have to take care of yourself first and "WE' can do this together ,a day at a time..I can truly identify ,WE are here for each other.....
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Respect, this is similar to how I arrived at the AA program. Your story is very much the same as mine and that is why I participate in the Alanon board also. My suggestion is the same as I stated to your post on that board. Just get busy working your AA program and focus on it with all the honesty, open mindedness, and willingness that you can and your life will slowly get better. Your relationships will come into focus with sobriety but none of this happens overnight. I pray you give yourself this gift.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
The AA book's definition of craving:"...the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy; that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all..." pgXXVI.
This was my problem as well. I did not understand why I not supposed to drink. It was simple: Once I start I cannot stop. That makes me an alcoholic.
Good work Respect...coming here and following suggestions. That is how it works; from inside the rooms not from inside my head. I am like you at least I thought that I didn't have the compulsion or obsession either however I learned in the rooms of both sides that the obsession doesn't have to begin before I start it can start after the first drink. I have one and then become obsessed in continuing until I cannot anymore. There is no black and white highly contrasted definition of the alcoholic...if there was and I was still looking for that narrow gauge to fit myself in I would already be totally consumed by the disease. "Once I start...I do not stop" It becomes a compulsion of my mind, body, spirit and emotions...nothing else is as important as drinking.
You can stay new...and for a while confused. Coming into the fellowship, going to meetings, getting the Big Book, and a sponsor and following thru on the suggestions and the confusion will go away just as others have said here...it is what I have done and continue to do. After a while the sadness is lifted completely and we walk out into a brighter light with our Higher Power. Think of your condition as temporary and follow thru for yourself. Then give it away to someone else.
Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Tuesday 12th of July 2011 03:08:13 PM
After yet another horrible disaster from a weekend of drinking I am trying to accept that I have a problem
Acceptance is the key word here. I drank through all the little problems, till the big ones came along. And for a alkie it is bound to happen if we dont get help in my opinion.Someone said once that I was a train wreck waiting to happen. Well the train did wreck, and here i am where i need to be today. Sober happy and alive. AA is a good thing and it can save u to. Wagon
Welcome to our little community. You're not alone.
When I was drinking, I used to think there was no way I could get straightened out because I had SOOO many problems. Anxiety, ennui, a rough marriage, anger problems, an unhappy childhood, etc etc etc.
But I found out that, when I quit drinking, all that got MUCH easier to deal with. The alcohol was making it all about ten times worse than it had to be. I found out that LOTS of people struggle with that stuff, but they find ways to deal with it and lead happy lives.
When I quit, my marriage got better, my anxiety decreased, and I no longer felt so put-upon by the other stuff. It took time and everything didn't become perfect, but it got a LOT better. Mainly because I was a stronger person and had reserves of inner strength and calm to deal with all that stuff when booze wasn't messing up my brain chemicals and moods.
Hope that helps. Don't forget to tell your doctor you're quitting. Withdrawal symptoms can be scary and you need to know what to expect.
Keep coming back...
How true...there's still a measure of hope in every alcoholics story, because the last chapter hasn't been written just yet. You can make it a beautiful ending and AA is where it all began for me some 10 years ago. So, get busy and get connected before time runs out. We'll be here to support you every step of the way. We promise...
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Thursday 14th of July 2011 03:31:42 AM
