I need your help. I know that alcohol makes life easier in certain immediate fashions. It makes life harder in much more serious fashions too. I look at others who have not gone to get help and I see the tornado of a world they suffer in. But for THAT moment, the drunk moment, it is easy. The problem is reality.
I have a hard time not allowing myself to be permeable to others feelings and the wrongs of the world. Alcohol makes it tolerable. The consequences, however, only add to the craziness of the world. So, to do my part, I suppose I must look inward. I am out of control. My life isn't in my control and that is VERY scary. I don't understand how it is out of control if I am making these decisions to go to AA and such.
I need help dealing with every day things. Even the slightest hiccup during the day feels like the world is ending and everything is unwraveling. When I would drink to deal with these feelings, I couldn't stop drinking--sometimes I could, but I couldn't guarantee I could stop. I was powerless over the effects of alcohol.
My life was unmanageable because my ethics were gone. Something I lived my life of of had disappeared. I no longer lived the change I wanted to see in the world or treated others the way I wanted to be treated.
I lost God a long time ago and I want that relationship back.
So Dear Universe, please show me the way. It is very hard to see clearly right now. Everything is so new. And scary. How do I do every day things? How do I act now that I'm not nursing a hangover or dealing with anxiety? How is one "normal?"
Sincerely,
Chelsea
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his roots grasped a new soil
one is one too many and one more will never be enough
faith has to work twenty four hours in us and through us or we perish
Dont give up Chelsea; its just the way of the world. We have an advocate dear; a higher power who wants the best for all of us, despite all else. Our higher power guides us through the process of recovery, enabling us to experience all that life has to offer, through the good times and bad. The choice is up to us, whether we continue to fight the good fight or cave in under the pressures of this wicked world. I hope you are able to pursue life as it is meant to be and remain sober under the sunlight of the spirit, for years to come.
I have experienced setbacks in my life as well. These setbacks could have been the corroding thread that sabotaged my sobriety or a greater glimpse of a more successful future. My reaction to these minor inconveniences would determine how my life would unfold from here. I have been able to weather those storms -thanks be to God and have achieved greater successes in this world than previously imagined, one step at a time. When life seems overwhelming causing me to react emotionally and not rationally, than I need to stop and ask myself is it worth it? Is it worth the pain and embarrassment or the misery it can cause? Can it cause a potential relapse? The list can go on and on from here. The point is this: I had to sober up first, and then work on my other issues as well. I uncovered all those surpressed emotions under a sea of alcohol, especailly the grave emotional ones and can now work on becoming the responsible yet sober person that almighty God wants for all of us -one step at a time
There were so many other issues -other than the obvious, including grave emotional and mental disorders. There are also stress disorder support groups that can benefit us beyond the scope of AA, if need be. Talking to an addiction counselor or a stress management consultant who specializes in treating disorders -like alcohol or stress related ones- is a good first step as well. All we have to do is "Ask"... Dont be shy dear, reach out and grab the support you need and start managing life and your emotions, instead of drowning in them. We are a support forum who can help you make informed decisions every step of the way. We promise...
Whatever you decide to do, try to remember this one tidbit as you proceed from here: Never give up on yourself or recovery programs and never stop believing that life can get better, because it will -if you allow it too. We won't stop believing in miracles, and neither should you. Your only one step away from becoming the next miracle and AA's first step is where it all began for me and I hope it will be for you as well -one day at a time.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 8th of July 2011 03:01:07 PM
Hi, I like the choice of song you posted to explain. So much of my life has also been elusive. Staying clean and sober has helped me accept that fact. Yet now after some time in recovery I still am "A Beautiful Mess" Enchanting to say the least. Nice to see you today. Wayne
Hi Chelsea, I can identify with you all the way. That is precisely why the 12 step program of AA works for people like. It restores me to sanity & manages my life for me. Although an insane person like me does not usually think he needs to be restored to sanity or for that matter I did not even admit I was powerless & unmanageable. I admire you for the courage to come straight out & share on a forum like this. Get on to the program immediately otherwise your mind will rationalise & say that you are ok. My sponsor got me onto the 12 steps of recovery in the AA book, & made me work it. That is what got me well. My sobriety landmarks were the most dangerous things. People used to ask me how long I was sober. It did not matter how long I was sober, but the question is have I been restored to sanity as the book says & is my life now manageable.
Hi Chelsea, I can identify with you all the way. That is precisely why the 12 step program of AA works for people like. It restores me to sanity & manages my life for me. Although an insane person like me does not usually think he needs to be restored to sanity or for that matter I did not even admit I was powerless & unmanageable. I admire you for the courage to come straight out & share on a forum like this. Get on to the program immediately otherwise your mind will rationalise & say that you are ok. My sponsor got me onto the 12 steps of recovery in the AA book, & made me work it. That is what got me well. My sobriety landmarks were the most dangerous things. People used to ask me how long I was sober. It did not matter how long I was sober, but the question is have I been restored to sanity as the book says & is my life now manageable.
Thank you EVERYONE for your kind words. The last part of this post really made me think and gave me a sight of the bigger picture. I do have a sponsor and am working through the first step. Thank you for your support, and in the spirit of AA, I thought sharing my experience may bring back the simplicity of this complex program which will give me my life back. I am sure of it and have faith. Thank you again.
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his roots grasped a new soil
one is one too many and one more will never be enough
faith has to work twenty four hours in us and through us or we perish
I need your help. I know that alcohol makes life easier in certain immediate fashions. It makes life harder in much more serious fashions too. I look at others who have not gone to get help and I see the tornado of a world they suffer in. But for THAT moment, the drunk moment, it is easy. The problem is reality.
Welcome to the Board Chelsea,
It does sound like you have some AA twirling around in the brain. We are all here to help each other and we have all been through the same issues you are going through. You are correct that we need to look inward at the only thing we can change=us, and how we see the world.
Once we change us, everything around us will also start to change.
Looks like you are dealing with some fears above. Turn the fears over to God, everything is going to be OK, we just need to get OK with it. You have nothing to lose, it's all in the 3d step.
God will give us courage to deal with life sober, it's not easy at first, but this is where growth begins. We all go through the same process.
Take Care,
Rob
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
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