If you're on your Fifth step that means that you've done steps 1, 2, 3 and 4.
It's a fair bet that you've gone to some meetings - where they usually read Chapter 5 "How it Works". So you've probably heard or read HOW it works.
(cheat sheet on how it works: Do the steps, get a sponsor, go to meetings, be of service)
Maybe your question isn't HOW it works, but WHEN is it going to work for MEEEE?
Since you are working the steps (the program of AA) and you've slept with an AA member (members & meetings are the fellowship of AA) you've been exposed to both parts of AA.
The steps (program) + the fellowship = AA = Sobriety
Is the question why am I an angry and emotional mess? That answer is something that steps 4 & 5 will reveal and 6-9 fix. Steps 10-12 will keep from happening again, and maintain your sobriety.
Have a good 5th step.
-- Edited by Rainspa on Tuesday 14th of June 2011 02:12:10 AM
I was wondering how the forum works but I think I got a handlle on that, I have been it the program for a year and a half, attending a minimum of 3 meetings a week. I am doing my step 5 today. I don't understand how I made such a stupid mistake last week by sleeping with a member. It was awkward and I feel terrible. I just don't knbow what I should do, if I should talk to that memeber, or avoid them like the plague
Well, hopefully the person you slept with doesn't have the plague, or you'll be in real trouble. :)
Hey, we all make mistakes, progress, not perfection- we are not saints, right? Awareness that you made a mistake and wanting to make things right is a huge step! Don't beat yourself up. I suggest praying and meditating. Ask your higher power for guidance and then listen. breathe. Get centered and perhaps things will become more clear.
Whether you decide you need to speak with the person or not, the important thing is to do what you feel is right and then move forward. WHat happened is already in the past. You cannot change it...so learn from it. What can you do TODAY to be the best person you can be?
Aloha pc2u... Been there done that with the same reaction you are having now. In time more understanding come with more meetings, more deeply working the program and following the suggestions. The process is about progress not perfection and I am not justifying what I did early on. I was a newbie for the first 10 years of recovery and had lots to learn to bring me to awareness of "all" of my character defects. Beating myself up for falling down wasn't a positive way for growth and I did that too. Sitting at the knee of my sponsors and the fellowship and practice, practice, practice is what did it for me. There is so much to learn in recovery and one of those is self love, compassion and understanding...to love myself as my HP loves me and to reach out like you are doing here and asking, "can you please help me?". We are not saints and come to understand that often times the journey of recovery is how the saints did it themselves.
Feel bitter, remorseful, resentful and sad and let that teach you along with the fellowship here and in your meetings. You might want to think a bit about the other person you "slept" with (actually when I did it; it wasn't called sleeping...LOL) and about how you messed with yourself and with them. Just what I did for me. I apologized for sending the wrong messages to another recovering member(s). Having affairs in early program was very easy until I had experience with the 12th step and started practicing the principles and then all my affairs became less and less. Keep coming back cause this program does work. Work this one out with your sponsor and HP as I feel it is confusing your ability to do an honest and effective 5th step and beyond. (((((hugs)))))
I am doing my step five tomorrow with a pastor, I slept with an AA member last week. I am a pretty big emotional and angry mess!!
One of my sponsees had shared with me in his 5th step, about an adulterous affair that he had with a colleague of his, about 18 years ago. It obviously troubled him a lot then. He had cleaned house, grown spiritually over the years, because God had done a tremendous work for him, to absolve him and clear his conscious.
18 years done the line- different story. Pride & self righteousness has come back and that big favour his higher power had done for him has been forgotten.
Thank God that you feel bad now because it will motivate you to take action on the steps, which AA says will solve our problem. It's the later that is a problem, because we alcoholics forget what kind of people we are.
-- Edited by gonee on Tuesday 14th of June 2011 04:28:41 PM
PC - relax...I am presuming you were both consenting adults. Clearly it's a decsion that you regret but with sobriety you WILL make mistakes. The good thing is we learn from our mistakes now at an exponentially faster rate as we accumulate sobriety time and more sober points of reference. Forgive yourself and move on with the help of your sponsor and higher power. You need to hand it over and since you have worked step 3, I suggest putting it to use on this issue.
Of course I might not have all the details of the relationship correct, and it might be more complicated that I presume, but from what I read, this is the best suggestion I can give.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
