Hi there. I am coming to this forum in desperate need of help, I have 40+ days without a drink and am doing ok with that facet of the program. where I am floundering ENORMOUSLY is in being able to get out of my own head and deal with the real problem my mind.
I have been unable thus far to get out of the lieing, self-pitty and selfishness that have always been my anchor dragging me down. I started a relationship before joining AA and I love this woman and her kids sooo much but I seem to be constantly hurting her and lieing to her even over innocent things. I am so close to losing them and I really want and need to change my headspace and life but I keep falling thru the cracks to my default which is the self loathing and lieing. I have started accepting God into my life and I oray and meditate daily, I ask him to show me his path for me and to take my fear and insecurity. I just end up in the same state over and over. I need a few words of wisdom I guess I have no one in my network with longterm sobriety.
Well step one was obvious to me step 2 I am working on step three is a constant trial, I have opened my heart and mind to the idea of god and I have been tryibg to ask not for myself but for the understanding of what his path is for me. But I just can't seem to pull myself out of this spiral. Feels like I am getting worse not better. I am finally getting over the "yea I knows" and aadmitting I know nothing but I can't seem to get myself out of these negative repeating behavious that are destroying my life.
"Well step one was obvious to me step 2 I am working on step three is a constant trial, I have opened my heart and mind to the idea of god and I have been tryibg to ask not for myself but for the understanding of what his path is for me. "
That's 1,2 & 3 alright. -RS
But I just can't seem to pull myself out of this spiral. Feels like I am getting worse not better. I am finally getting over the "yea I knows" and aadmitting I know nothing but I can't seem to get myself out of these negative repeating behavious that are destroying my life.
That is what Step 4 is about.
I suggest doing step 4 with some one that has done step 4 (heck all of them) before.
The discomfort that you are feeling now is the place where decisions are made, and recovery lost or gained.
We encourage you to be fearless and honest. This is the turning point.
Finding someone with long term sobrienty that has worked the steps, in order to help you work YOUR 4th step has been a formula that has worked for a lot of people. You will find them at a meeting.
Thank you for the straight up answers they gave me the courage to, after 40 days of meetings finally open up and talk to people. Going on from here is my choice.
Tristhain wrote:. I need a few words of wisdom I guess I have no one in my network with longterm sobriety.
Then no one in your network knows to "do" sobriety, have relationships in sobriety etc
Easy answer
Find someone who does and ask him to be your sponsor and to take you through the steps
I have found it a critical part of my sobriety, as have millions of others, seems to work
Lin has given you the best answer. I had to submit to a sponsor before I really got well from this illness. Please find an individual in AA who has worked the program & submit to him. We might not like the person, because he will tell us the truth about ourself, but it's absolutely necessary.
Hi Tristhain i was just like you so i got myself a sponsor and did the 12 steps it was the best thing i ever did. And with my god and this program i am well and i have not needed to take a drink for 12 years. I have ups and downs but dosnt eveyone? Anyway pal i also found offering to make the coffee and put the chairs out help me because i would offer to do this for the next meeting so i knew i could not let any one down and this helpet me to get to know eveyone and i found it easy to tell someone how i was feeling so my head stop playing games it helpet to to be honst with myself and all around me. Goodluck i hope all works out for you.
One of the greatest freedoms for me was when in a moment of clarity, I realized how good it felt not to have to lie anymore. I didn't have to lie to my husband, my kids, my emlployer , etc.... What a great feeling and realization that was and only because of the Grace of God I found by working/living the steps. I suggest you listen to the others experiences and find a sponsor you can relate to. Listen to them talk in a meeting and make sure they have a solid foundation with the 12 steps and the big book. Good luck and keep us posted.
