I have read today's Daily Reflections several times now and today has been, mostly, no different then the other times. I can go on and on about how, before A.A., I was incapable of having *any type* of true and meaningful relationship. But, I'm guessing most of us can.
What I seem to focus on is the question "am I still unable to form a true partnership with another human being?". I'm still not where I want to be. My defects of character are still a problem for me and others. My self pity, dishonesty, self-will, self-seeking, and fear are the causes of my failure. As I try to help others, "true motives" seem to be the theme, and I can see this is what I need to do.... Be truly honest with myself about what my motives are while trying to form these relationships.
My Higher Power has seen fit to give me a few more chances with a few of the same people and has introduced many more, but if I don't learn from my past behavior, I may never be able to "Form True Partnerships" and that will be sad indeed, and not a quality of sobriety I'd like to have, but... if I truly have a desire to change there is always "Hope".
I've often had those thouqhts, questions and have found many of the answers in other fellowships. I think the short answer is to qo about tryinq to have friendships with NO expectations, assumptions, qivinq or receivinq of qifts, favors, projections about the future.... just enjoyinq that person's company in the present, while qivinq them the total benefit of the doubt about their intentions and words in the absence of some real transqression.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Sunday 12th of June 2011 06:59:01 AM
My self-centredness, pride/arrogance, problems with anxiety and fear, anger, people pleasing, intolerance, judgmentalism, rampant self-pity, dishonesty, self-will, forgetfullness and carelessness really impact upon me and others in the same way. I often feel that I still can't quite connect with others the way that I would like. I too am not in that True Partnership territory. I too really need to examine my motives. Try as I might, they're often really selfish or with some sort of ulterior motive of some grand result -- for me. As a result, I'm often still also very much the actor that the Big Book talks about.
This brings on more self-pity and resentment and the desire to escape, if not physically, then at the very least in a grandiose fantasy-land.
I guess that maybe I'm still not willing to have these defects of character to be removed. Will need to pray a bit more on this. You've really given me some better perspective -- thanks!
Relationships are hard, with or without drinking. Finding true happiness within ourselves is key. We can't rely on alcohol or another person to bring joy to our lives, we must search from within to find true happiness. It takes time, but you can do it. Stay strong and believe in yourself!!!!
Relationships are hard, with or without drinking. Finding true happiness within ourselves is key. We can't rely on alcohol or another person to bring joy to our lives, we must search from within to find true happiness. It takes time, but you can do it. Stay strong and believe in yourself!!!!
~God bless~
Well said. I don't think it is possible to be lonely if you are truly at ease with yourself. I don't need the distraction from me which means I take other people as I find them and not pre judge them as to what they can bring to the table for me.
