I'm not new to AA by any means, I've been to several meetings over the past 3 years. And all of them have gave me wonderful support. I never really had the will power or tenacity to continue or make a change, I always would go through phases of quitting make it through a few days and go back to drinking heavily. I post here now because I'm on my fourth day of being sober, this is the longest time length I have been sober within the past six months. (And the other time I checked into a ten day detox center and left five days in). I'm young, and you might judge me for that and label me a "heavy drinker" opposed to an alcoholic but I really don't see any significance in the distinction. Regardless to the label there has been an evident problem in my life for the past 3-4 years. I'm an eighteen year old male who grew up too fast. I always hung around with an older crowd (and was apart of the local music scene from a young age which came with alcohol and drug abuse from the older crowd) and started drinking casually around age eleven. There was never a serious problem until I turned thirteen and started getting blackout drunk almost every time I drank which was almost on a daily basis. I was suspended multiple times from junior high school for drinking during school hours. I left school due to anxiety and depression at 15. Later that year I left home to pursuit a tour with my band and convinced my parents that I would be able to to home school on the road. I drank everyday for 5 months straight and was kicked out of the band after the tour. All of the guys were older and I was just the young kid who had some serious problems. Stealing from the band on tour for alcohol money because I spent all of my food money on alcohol. Returning I didn't do school I did nothing but get a part time job to continue drinking. I never realized it was a problem until I was 16 years old, when I was getting so drunk I was fighting my friends, pissing my bed, getting in trouble with the law, fighting with family members, stealing for liquor, making attempts on my life, losing my job and not completing high school amongst many other things. But I would always wake up the next morning and going right back to the liquor store. (I have always been a large older looking kid so obtaining liquor was never a problem in the city i live in) In attempts to get sober I have failed every time. I don't know what draws me to it, I always convince myself "yeah get a little drunk tonight" and I end up in a drunken stupor and end up doing something completely ridiculous. Wakening in the morning rubbing my eyes with a pounding head in confusion and hearing stories of what I had done that make me sick to my stomach. But I still manage to convince myself that it's an okay idea and I can "moderate" my alcohol consumption. Over the past year I have contemplated going to a rehab facility just because lately I have lost countless friends and my family has basically lost all hope in me. I had this realization that I need to change and I better stop this while I'm young rather than ignore it down the road and face an early death. Four days in and it's been tough but I seeked out this forum to make daily posts and support day by day for support, suggestions and to hear your trials and tribulations. I really appreciate anyone who reads this and even if this thread goes unread It still felt wonderful to vent even if it's unheard. Thank you
Hello Milo. Sounds like you qualify to me. That's a serious bottom. I hope you will get back to some meeting. We are so lucky to have so many available to us today, for the most part.
http://www.aa.org/lang/en/catalog.cfm?category=4&product=3
This is a link to an A.A. Pamphlet that may intrest you. I am looking forward to seeing you posting here "daily".
I'm working with a young lady (23) right now and she had hit a bottom most of us don't see/feel for years. Alcoholism does not care how old we are, we we come from, Yale or Jail it would like to have us all.
Hang in there, and know you are not alone.
Your post really hit me. I hope you hang in there and continue to find the help you need. Your post hit me because not only do you say you want help but I see someone who would be able to help others. You have seen and lived a life that most kids dont come out of. Your insight as to what your life will be if you continue to drink is one most would not see. Congratulatations on 4 days!! Thats huge. Hang in there and know that you are right where your suppose to be in your life. You have alot to give back once you get your life on track. The life ahead of you is one that you could never imagine!!! Keep us posted because you have already helped me today to stay sober!!
Sounds like you've tried to return to moderated drinking enough to have convinced yourself it's impossible. Just another tidbit on that: I personally have never noticed any posts in any internet forums where a person claims to have returned to controlled drinking. There are LOTS of posts where people tried and failed, but seemingly zero where they have succeeded. I think that says something. You would think there would be at least a few if it were possible.
That being said, the idea behind AA is that you have to transform your whole way of thinking so that whatever causes you to drink just isn't a factor any more. Have you thought about why you do it? Are you trying to cope with stress, or is it more of a party thing?
__________________
Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
Hello Milo. Sounds like you qualify to me. That's a serious bottom. I hope you will get back to some meeting. We are so lucky to have so many available to us today, for the most part. http://www.aa.org/lang/en/catalog.cfm?category=4&product=3 This is a link to an A.A. Pamphlet that may intrest you. I am looking forward to seeing you posting here "daily". I'm working with a young lady (23) right now and she had hit a bottom most of us don't see/feel for years. Alcoholism does not care how old we are, we we come from, Yale or Jail it would like to have us all. Hang in there, and know you are not alone.
Thank you, this means alot to me. a few years ago I was given the alcoholics anonymous "big book". I have read bits and pieces (mostly at bookreadings at AA meetings) I live in a pretty densely populated area in canada my city has around 1.5 million people and there are probably 50-100 meetings daily around the city usually three times a day at many many
locations so I'm somewhat blessed that I can attend these meeting with ease.
Your post really hit me. I hope you hang in there and continue to find the help you need. Your post hit me because not only do you say you want help but I see someone who would be able to help others. You have seen and lived a life that most kids dont come out of. Your insight as to what your life will be if you continue to drink is one most would not see. Congratulatations on 4 days!! Thats huge. Hang in there and know that you are right where your suppose to be in your life. You have alot to give back once you get your life on track. The life ahead of you is one that you could never imagine!!! Keep us posted because you have already helped me today to stay sober!!
Thank you, I really didn't expect this much feedback but it's really heartwarming. I guess right now taking it day by day is the best way to go through it. I've kind of been hibernating and isolating myself from society, just because the temptation is unbearable. If I were to walk twenty minutes in every direction from my house I would come across 10 liquor stores and a few bars. I just don't know at what time I can become a part of normal society, to be able to say no to a drink invite or to be able to walk past a liquor store and not go inside. Thank you so much for your feedback It really helps to speak with people who are supportive and who understand.
Sounds like you've tried to return to moderated drinking enough to have convinced yourself it's impossible. Just another tidbit on that: I personally have never noticed any posts in any internet forums where a person claims to have returned to controlled drinking. There are LOTS of posts where people tried and failed, but seemingly zero where they have succeeded. I think that says something. You would think there would be at least a few if it were possible.
That being said, the idea behind AA is that you have to transform your whole way of thinking so that whatever causes you to drink just isn't a factor any more. Have you thought about why you do it? Are you trying to cope with stress, or is it more of a party thing?
What you said about controlled drinking or moderation is true. My father seems to think that quitting drinking is as easy putting the drink down. And even yesterday one of his co-workers gave him a bottle of beer as a present (I have never seen my dad drunk before he is not a drinker). And my dad just left this beer on the countertop overnight and I tried explianing to him how that leaving a beer on the counter was extremely stressful and made me want to drink. He replied with "that's a joke". My parents although very supportive they are somewhat ignorant and nieve. Drinking started as a party thing for me but progressed into a daily routine. After I lost my job due to alcohol i was really strapped for cash so I started borrowing money and stealing. I think it's a physical addiction because I do expereince the shakes and sweats if I don't get my drink. Thank you so much for listening
and Welcome to our little family here at the Miracles in Progress site.
Fist thing that popped out to me was you stating you "I never really had the will power or tenacity to continue or make a change" wow those were the two components that kept me as an alcoholic Relapser for over 7 years.
You will see it read many times if you read the Posts, The Gift of Desperation, then the utter and complete Surrender to this amazing 12 Step Program
Trying to turn it around to MODERATION, ARE YOU? Sounds like you have been a Pickle for many years, and now make this Determination, well hell I'll show em, I will turn back into a Cucumber, ain't going to happen..:) just my little pea brain thinking.......... Well I am only speaking of the thousands of times I had that same determination (part of that will and tenancy that I had so much of.) ....
You ae so very young and to get your feet wet. Find one meeting and go for 90 days straight......so many young do that and stay. You have whole life in front of you and what a true blessing it would be to have had a childhood, riddled with the horrible Life or Death Disease...an allergy to the body, and a compulsion of the mind....and into your young adulthood free by submitting to the Meetings, finding a sponsor, diggng in your heals working the 12 steps of Recovery. The Sponsor as you Guide....
The working of the 12 Steps is the way to out of this Dreadful Disease.....Ony the 1st Step has to be taken perfectly, "We are Powerless over Alcohol....and our Lives have become Unmanagable" really a two part Step.
i was in my forties when the Disease really hit, and this Progression was so fast.............only when On my knees looking for a big piece of Glass to take my life, (had tried before with enough pills to kill a gorilla, and the hospital that showed a . 38 alcohol. Furious when I woke up, I was not crying out for help, i wanted to end my tomented life). This time my thinking was, so if I cut a Juglar, and no one would find me on this deck where no could see me, I would be finally Free of a Tormented life of 24/7 Blackout....could not find ny glass and in utter despair I looked up to a dark grey Seattle sky, and ask God, that I really did not understand to Please show me a different way....my Miracle happened at that moment, have not had a strong cumpusiion for over 20 years...
I digress, but I am hoping and praying, (by the way, this is not a Religous Program, but rather a Spiritual Program just in case my saying that I would be Praying for you.
Hugs to you dear, hope you get Sober and go get that life of yours!
Toni
-- Edited by Just Toni on Wednesday 8th of June 2011 07:41:12 PM
and Welcome to our little family here at the Miracles in Progress site.
Fist thing that popped out to me was you stating you "I never really had the will power or tenacity to continue or make a change" wow those were the two components that kept me as an alcoholic Relapser for over 7 years.
You will see it read many times if you read the Posts, The Gift of Desperation, then the utter and complete Surrender to this amazing 12 Step Program
Trying to turn it around to MODERATION, ARE YOU? Sounds like you have been a Pickle for many years, and now make this Determination, well hell I'll show em, I will turn back into a Cucumber, ain't going to happen..:) just my little pea brain thinking.......... Well I am only speaking of the thousands of times I had that same determination (part of that will and tenancy that I had so much of.) ....
You ae so very young and to get your feet wet. Find one meeting and go for 90 days straight......so many young do that and stay. You have whole life in front of you and what a true blessing it would be to have had a childhood, riddled with the horrible Life or Death Disease...an allergy to the body, and a compulsion of the mind....and into your young adulthood free by submitting to the Meetings, finding a sponsor, diggng in your heals working the 12 steps of Recovery. The Sponsor as you Guide....
The working of the 12 Steps is the way to out of this Dreadful Disease.....Ony the 1st Step has to be taken perfectly, "We are Powerless over Alcohol....and our Lives have become Unmanagable" really a two part Step.
i was in my forties when the Disease really hit, and this Progression was so fast.............only when On my knees looking for a big piece of Glass to take my life, (had tried before with enough pills to kill a gorilla, and the hospital that showed a . 38 alcohol. Furious when I woke up, I was not crying out for help, i wanted to end my tomented life). This time my thinking was, so if I cut a Juglar, and no one would find me on this deck where no could see me, I would be finally Free of a Tormented life of 24/7 Blackout....could not find ny glass and in utter despair I looked up to a dark grey Seattle sky, and ask God, that I really did not understand to Please show me a different way....my Miracle happened at that moment, have not had a strong cumpusiion for over 20 years...
I digress, but I am hoping and praying, (by the way, this is not a Religous Program, but rather a Spiritual Program just in case my saying that I would be Praying for you.
Hugs to you dear, hope you get Sober and go get that life of yours!
Toni
-- Edited by Just Toni on Wednesday 8th of June 2011 07:41:12 PM
Thank you so much! I never said I wanted to turn my alcoholism into moderation I understand that I need to quit and moderation has not worked in the past for me. Sorry if I worded that in such a way to make it come off as that. That's a really touching story thank you for sharing it with me. That means alot, I stayed sober again tonight. But I put myself in a situation that I needed to get out of. I went to a girls house for a sleepover and her roomates were drinking and offered me a few beers and I replayed the same sentence in my head hundreds of times "can I have a beer man?" Once I was about to say it I just told her and her room mates that I had to leave. And went home, I didn't say anything about my alcoholism or that it was the reason that I left I just said I wasn't feeling well. I'm proud of what I did tonight, I think that cutting out the temptation and dangerous situations for relapse is going to help me out this time. In my previous attempts to get sober I would say "Yeah i'm getting sober!" But would go to the bar for wings, or go to peoples houses who were drinkers and would always end up drinking. I now realize that it's a life style change and not just a change within ones self. I spent my last 10 dollars today on candy and useless stuff just because I know if I have ten dollars in my wallet and I get angry, depressed or bummed out I will most likely go straight to the liquor store with it. I also had a conversation with my father today (who is 65 years old) and he was speaking to be about life and what he has done to keep our family afloat. And that in 5 years he is going to sell the house and move into a condo with my mother and it really scared me and bummed me out that for the last five years I have been a total shit head to my parents and that really makes me want to stay sober for them. I don't want my father on his death bed and leaving this world thinking he's a failure because he raised an alcoholic son. Thank you so much everyone, this forum has really helped me out.
Thanks...for your honesty, it's certainly refreshing to hear.The honesty part was never easy for me, especially in early sobriety. I became so maladjusted because of my drinking, that everyone questioned my intentions to get sober. I was known to hide things from people instead of being honest with them, which complicated things even further. I had to give them some creditable sober time, to prove that I was through drinking, once and for all. They began to put their trust in me about the same time I started to trust myself, I guess thats why say in AA, give time, time and rightfully so. I have given sobriety almost ten years of my time and my family so much more. I never had to look back in shame, regardless of what I've been through. The life I'm living now, despite all the ups and downs, can't compare with my previous one, and I have AA, this forum and almighty God to thank for that -one day at a time.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Thursday 9th of June 2011 02:56:47 PM
Thanks...for your honesty, it's certainly refreshing to hear.The honesty part was never easy for me, especially in early sobriety. I became so maladjusted because of my drinking, that everyone questioned my intentions to get sober. I was known to hide things from people instead of being honest with them, which complicated things even further. I had to give them some creditable sober time, to prove that I was through drinking, once and for all. They began to put their trust in me about the same time I started to trust myself, I guess thats why say in AA, give time, time and rightfully so. I have given sobriety almost ten years of my time and my family so much more. I never had to look back in shame, regardless of what I've been through. The life I'm living now, despite all the ups and downs, can't compare with my previous one, and I have AA, this forum and almighty God to thank for that -one day at a time.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Thursday 9th of June 2011 02:56:47 PM
I have this same problem and it's understandable when someone says they want to be sober 10 times a month but just keep going down the hole it's like the little boy who cried wolf. But I'm glad there is always someone out there who can help me. But even in these past 5 days i've been excited for the first time to be sober for a full day. Just so I can tell people that i'm finally turning things around. I've had some bad cravings here and there but i'm trying to find things to cope and i've basically isolated myself from the world just so I can get through these few weeks. But I feel like it's getting easier everyday. I think being optimistic is a huge part of it aswell, I would get so discouraged when I relapased and basically thought it was hopeless. But now I get that if I drink and relapse it will just make things harder. I've been physically locking myself in my house to not be tempted, and speaking with people to take alcohol off the mind. But as you know it's still always on the mind. I really respect everyone in this forum and I can't wait for the day where I can proudly say "i've been sober for X ammount of years" thank you so much for your stories and support.
Your 5 days, or is it 6 days, thank goodness AA is just about being a one day at a time program...but I know how you feel, I can clearly recall in my first year, watching this woman that was at the front of the room, celebrating her 4th year, I was so very much in awe of her, I wanted to be her, not me the scared person, riddled with fear that I would never make it....those years of relapse played havoc with my brain a lot.......like I was one of those unfortunates that would never make it, I drilled that into my own head with each year of blacking out as a 24/7 drunk. well the 24/7 was only in the last years about two, but we are surly headed for the funeral home if that doesn't come to a stop. one way or the other, forturnately for me it turned out to be the OTHER....so on this Thursday, sober all day and hope to be tomorrow, but I only have to remain sober always just one day at a time.
In your note you sounded so wonderful, and every day that goes by, tick tock, and before you know it you will get there, with just one day at a time, the clock never stops.
By the way I forgot to mention, that many here that Post all the time, were sort of stalkers and when they sighed in, that is how there own recovery began, many many here started just that way....cannot of course break their anonimity, but surely if you keep posted and staying on our website, after All you did not know this, but you just joined our litle family here anyway, you'll see them, many use this board as a great support system, in addition to their meetings.
so happy you are feeling confident and just keep counting those days as they go by, and one day you'll be one of our Oldtimeers.....
Big Hugs,
Tonicakes
-- Edited by Just Toni on Thursday 9th of June 2011 09:30:44 PM
Your 5 days, or is it 6 days, thank goodness AA is just about being a one day at a time program...but I know how you feel, I can clearly recall in my first year, watching this woman that was at the front of the room, celebrating her 4th year, I was so very much in awe of her, I wanted to be her, not me the scared person, riddled with fear that I would never make it....those years of relapse played havoc with my brain a lot.......like I was one of those unfortunates that would never make it, I drilled that into my own head with each year of blacking out as a 24/7 drunk. well the 24/7 was only in the last years about two, but we are surly headed for the funeral home if that doesn't come to a stop. one way or the other, forturnately for me it turned out to be the OTHER....so on this Thursday, sober all day and hope to be tomorrow, but I only have to remain sober always just one day at a time.
In your note you sounded so wonderful, and every day that goes by, tick tock, and before you know it you will get there, with just one day at a time, the clock never stops.
By the way I forgot to mention, that many here that Post all the time, were sort of stalkers and when they sighed in, that is how there own recovery began, many many here started just that way....cannot of course break their anonimity, but surely if you keep posted and staying on our website, after All you did not know this, but you just joined our litle family here anyway, you'll see them, many use this board as a great support system, in addition to their meetings.
so happy you are feeling confident and just keep counting those days as they go by, and one day you'll be one of our Oldtimeers.....
Big Hugs,
Tonicakes
-- Edited by Just Toni on Thursday 9th of June 2011 09:30:44 PM
I have not had a drink since saturday night. So today is day five tomorrow is day six. That's what everyone at AA has been telling me. I think into the future too much that I lose the present, but I have been taking it one day at a time. For instance today and old friend wanted me to come to a bbq at his house and take photos. (I've been dabbling into the arts of photography for the past 4 years and have been making a living out of it) but in the past I would accept alcohol as a payment and he asked me this time and I refused. I was so proud of myself. I used to be intimidated by AA when I first went. I didn't know anything about it and I assumed it would just be a bunch of older people complaining about their lives and whatnot. But after my first meeting I realized that it was the complete opposite. And that's why I came here, I get kind of nervous speaking in public but here I can vent conveniently behind my keyboard and read all the insightful and helpful things everyone has to say. I cannot stress enough how much these posts have helped me through these few days. Thank you so much!
I really enjoy reading every word of everyones posts
Thank you, today I don't feel that great. I woke up feeling miserable to be honest, really wanting a drink. It's a friday night and i've been invited to multiple bars and social gatherings where I know alcohol is going to be present. I've just been drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes like a mad man, but I declined the invitations and i'm pretty sure my friend is going to come over and watch movies with me. So I will stay strong tonight and think of everyone who cares. Thanks guys
- milo
-- Edited by milo alexander on Friday 10th of June 2011 05:01:41 PM
Mod swings are very predictable almost always, Day 6 very powerfuf to think tomorrow being Saturday, one entire week of not drinking, you said 4 days was phenominal, now a week, and should you ever succumb, hopefully not, don't feel too bad, hope that wont be the case....Milo when I had cravings, if you are, I always bought a ton of Milky Ways, my favorite candy bar, the alcohol that you are giving up, is pure sugar, so the body doesnt care, its it the glucose, the sugars and it helped with my craving sooooo much.....remember I was saying 90 in 90 days, when you go these times like right now you can take your "miserable Feelings along and talk about it, and you can chain smoke outside too.... do you have some, any phone numbers where you can call someone in the Program and say just what you said here, once it is out of you and heard by another human being, it really dissapates..
One of our Beloved members always said, pain shared is pain lessoned, and so very true, not that you said Pain, but the same translation applies to anything that is a feeling like it is keeping you down.
So happy to see you today, and one of the great sayings around AA is THIS TOO SHALL PASS..............Many years ago, a wonderful therapist was talking about Feelings, and how they are so very tranistory, if you stay with any feeling, good, bad, you name it, there is a built in guarentee that it will turn into another feeling.
Maybe since you sound sort of pent up......how about sitting down and writing a Grief Letter to Alcohol. Saying good bye to something you felt for a long time was a friend, and now has turned on you for so long, and time to say good bye.
I was asked to do that in a Recovery Home for Woman, it was good and it did have an effect on my, my own little attempt to put a period on that sentence for me.
You take care and I use to experience a lot, I always went to a New Comers meeting cause it was such a high being there,
Hugs Milo,
YOU take good care of Milo, ok....you are doing so GREAT 6 entire days sober....... AWESOME!!
Just wait and see what I have in Store for Saturday, tehe..
Your friend, Tonicakes
-- Edited by Just Toni on Friday 10th of June 2011 05:49:01 PM
Mod swings are very predictable almost always, Day 6 very powerfuf to think tomorrow being Saturday, one entire week of not drinking, you said 4 days was phenominal, now a week, and should you ever succumb, hopefully not, don't feel too bad, hope that wont be the case....Milo when I had cravings, if you are, I always bought a ton of Milky Ways, my favorite candy bar, the alcohol that you are giving up, is pure sugar, so the body doesnt care, its it the glucose, the sugars and it helped with my craving sooooo much.....remember I was saying 90 in 90 days, when you go these times like right now you can take your "miserable Feelings along and talk about it, and you can chain smoke outside too.... do you have some, any phone numbers where you can call someone in the Program and say just what you said here, once it is out of you and heard by another human being, it really dissapates..
One of our Beloved members always said, pain shared is pain lessoned, and so very true, not that you said Pain, but the same translation applies to anything that is a feeling like it is keeping you down.
So happy to see you today, and one of the great sayings around AA is THIS TOO SHALL PASS..............Many years ago, a wonderful therapist was talking about Feelings, and how they are so very tranistory, if you stay with any feeling, good, bad, you name it, there is a built in guarentee that it will turn into another feeling.
Maybe since you sound sort of pent up......how about sitting down and writing a Grief Letter to Alcohol. Saying good bye to something you felt for a long time was a friend, and now has turned on you for so long, and time to say good bye.
I was asked to do that in a Recovery Home for Woman, it was good and it did have an effect on my, my own little attempt to put a period on that sentence for me.
You take care and I use to experience a lot, I always went to a New Comers meeting cause it was such a high being there,
Hugs Milo,
YOU take good care of Milo, ok....you are doing so GREAT 6 entire days sober....... AWESOME!!
Just wait and see what I have in Store for Saturday, tehe..
Your friend, Tonicakes
-- Edited by Just Toni on Friday 10th of June 2011 05:49:01 PM
Yeah I'm feeling better now. Even today I felt like that felt proud telling people "i've been sober for 5 days" Collecting days, bragging rights. It's funny you say that because i've been drinking energy drinks lately and they are really helping with my cravings. I do not have any fellow AA members numbers but I do have tons of friends who would come see me or answer my phone call in a heartbeat. And I am very grateful for that. What you said about feelings changing couldn't be more true. I feel alot better than I did this morning. Although the greif letter is a wonderful Idea I think even when I speak about alcohol it makes me want to drink, it's weird. But maybe in the future. I'm going to try and make it to a meeting again this weekend. I can't thank you enough for your knowladge and understanding!
Hey Milo, I was a young drunk as well. What helped me was removing myself from the environment I was in. I was surrounded by all my bad habits so I just left. Moved from Boston to Florida. It really helped because at 17, your friends really do not know what you are up against. They do not realize you have a disease like cancer, MS, or lupus. They can not understand you are powerless over alcohol. If you have to stay and can not move, suggest that your parents go to alanon while you go to meetings. I am sorry you are not feeling great. There is a reward waiting for you. Its called peace. Keep checking in even if you slip. Sometimes its a matter of perseverance. Tom
__________________
"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
Hey Milo, I was a young drunk as well. What helped me was removing myself from the environment I was in. I was surrounded by all my bad habits so I just left. Moved from Boston to Florida. It really helped because at 17, your friends really do not know what you are up against. They do not realize you have a disease like cancer, MS, or lupus. They can not understand you are powerless over alcohol. If you have to stay and can not move, suggest that your parents go to alanon while you go to meetings. I am sorry you are not feeling great. There is a reward waiting for you. Its called peace. Keep checking in even if you slip. Sometimes its a matter of perseverance. Tom
Thanks fore the kind words and advise tom!
Tomorrow is day nine!
sorry i haven't posted in the last few days i've been busy. there has been a few rough patches but I'm still stong and sober. thank you so much for all the support - clarke
just my little pea brain thinking.......... Well I am only speaking of the thousands of times I had that same determination (part of that will and tenancy that I had so much of.) ....
