Hard Drinker vs. alcoholic?

AY · Member

Hard Drinker vs. alcoholic?

soberbytheGOG · Veteran Member

Hello, AY and welcome!

I'm not sure if you are familiar with the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous or not, but this is where our program of recovery can be found. There's a chapter called "We Agnostics" and on page.44 (my big book is the 3rd edition, so it will be a different page# for current issue) 1st paragraph, it says this:

"We hope we have made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic. If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic......"

This is not one of the 40 question pamphlets one gets that are floating around, it's very simple. Just two questions to ask oneself. It sounds to me like you have passed the test! Now for the good news, you are in the right place and hold on to your hat because you are fixing to embrace a life that you have probably not ever imagined could exist for you! So glad you are here and I look forward to reading the other AA member's experiences they can share with you on this!

Jane05 · MIP Old Timer

Hello AY

Glad you posted. GOG told you a little about the book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Our book helps use learn to live and it answers a lot of questions for us. Try to get yourself a copy. :) Our 1st Step says: 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. When i came crawling in the doors of A.A., my drinking was not in my control any more, in fact it controlled me! So, I was powerless over alcohol. And oh boy was my life unmanageable!!! If you are in this spot, you very well may need A.A. When I first came to A.A. I never thought I'd be glad to be an alcoholic, but I am :D Thank you so much for sharing with us.

LinBaba · MIP Old Timer

AY wrote:
My wife gave me an ultimatum, that I need to stop -sic-*drinking- or she is taking the kids and gone.

It doesn't sound like she cares whether you are an alcoholic or not, you want to be part of her life and your childrens life you have the information you need

quit drinking the second part of the equation will become clear soon enough

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Aloha AY...it's good to listen to the feedback from others...without exception so feedback from the wife...someone who lives with it...you...on a daily basis is good feedback. Doesn't sound like there is much resistance in your post so might you be very open minded presently? Open AA meetings are free and the only requirement for attending and wanting what we have is go, sit down, listen, learn and then make up your mind for yourself. A requirement is to listen for similarities from the fellowship rather than differences. If you relate more than you resist the chances are good that you agree that you qualify for the AA program. Get a Big Book...currently I believe they are just 8 bucks; cheaper than a 24 pack and check out the stories of some of the founders, early membership, alcoholics and again look for the similarities.

When you arrive at wanting sobriety rather than needing it you're on your way which might include keeping the relationship with those boys and your wife.

Good luck...am in support (((((hugs)))) Feel free to keep coming back here.

smile

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

LinBaba wrote:
AY wrote:
My wife gave me an ultimatum, that I need to stop -sic-*drinking- or she is taking the kids and gone.
It doesn't sound like she cares whether you are an alcoholic or not, you want to be part of her life and your childrens life you have the information you need
quit drinking the second part of the equation will become clear soon enough

Quoted for truth! I like this definition "Addiction is a patholoqical relationship, Love to/Have to, to a mood alterinq substance or event, that has Life damaqinq consequences". I would say that losinq the marriaqe and kids, would be "Life damaqinq". You qotta ask yourself "What do I love more, the beer or the family?". With that said, why are you askinq us? Answer, hopinq for approval of your status quo, probably.

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Monday 6th of June 2011 07:46:15 PM

zzworldontheweb · Senior Member

Yeah, it sounds like our opinions are irrelevant at this point. You have to stop. You might be able to do it on your own, but if you can't, I wouldn't hesitate to try AA.

Halfwolf · Veteran Member

just quit drinking, you can always start back up again if that isnt the problem. Just quit for about a year to give it a fair chance and go to meetings.

BillNSB · Member

From the read, it appears if you aren't an alcoholic now, you probably will be in the future.

Genetic predisposition. Can't control the amount you drink. Family concerned about your drinking.

That said, alcoholics aren't all cookie-cutter. At least from the standpoint of how fast the disease progresses and at what point they seek help. I assume now, you really look forward to that first beer on friday. After a few, or more, you reach a point where something clicks and you find peace. A sort of release. Hell, none of us would have continued to drink if it didn't make us feel good. You didn't mention feeling bad, only your wife's reaction to your drinking.

Alcohol is insidious, it sneaks in and stakes it claim slowly. If you are at a point where you don't "need" to drink and are genuinely concerned, stop for a while. I'm sure many of us here wish we would have before we lost things dear to us.

Best of luck.

Bill

AY · Member

Thank you for all of the feedback everyone, it is much appreciated. To be clear, There is no choice between my family and beer! I choose my family every time! My concern is that if I can do it without AA meetings. For the past 1+year, I have drank every weekend. My wife told me there are no second chances...if I screw up once, she is taking the kids and leaving (weather or not this is a scare tactic, I don't know, but I have no interest in finding out).

My original question, was aimed at what you all thought, in regards to my ability to do this on my own, not for approval. My biggest concern about the AA is that I am a Health care professional (Dr.) in a small community, I'd rather, not let everyone in on my little secret if not necessary. I quit drinking (on my own) for 2+ years previously, but started slowly getting back at it about 4 years ago. I think I can do it again, but am a little worried about the consequences if I'm wrong (read above ultimatum).

I will def. check out the big book, can you get it at a local book store? I see it is available on Amazon. My biggest test will be this Friday, as I drive past the service station I always stop at for beer on my way home from the office...If I make it past there, I'm home free....at least for the night.

Thanks again for all the help...I will keep you updated as things progress!

-- Edited by AY on Tuesday 7th of June 2011 08:01:11 AM

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

AY...Remember, 99 percent of the people that attend AA regularly are sober so being seen at an AA meeting is not a bad thing. I would trust a doctor from AA cuz there would probably be LESS chance of them being an active drinker or drug user. A messy divorce and children that badmouth you (once they grow up more) will be WAY worse and cause much more gossip in town than you going to meetings. Also you could drive to the next town over.

I do think meetings will help you. You might be able to stop on your own for a long time, there will be a void where alcohol used to be. You need to learn how to live happily and enjoy sobriety. Sobriety is a wonderful gift and without AA, you might not recieve it. It is possible you will just be dry and miserable and will go back to drinking when you think your wife has eased up....

So...cross the fence AY. Can't beat us so you might as well join us lol.

-- Edited by pinkchip on Tuesday 7th of June 2011 08:11:17 AM

AY · Member

zzworldontheweb wrote:
Yeah, it sounds like our opinions are irrelevant at this point. You have to stop. You might be able to do it on your own, but if you can't, I wouldn't hesitate to try AA.

The "might" part is what is concerning...I was given the "no second chances" in the ultimatum. I'd rather not find out if she is serious about that.

Thanks for the input

AY · Member

"You might be able to stop on your own for a long time, there will be a void where alcohol used to be. You need to learn how to live happily and enjoy sobriety. Sobriety is a wonderful gift and without AA, you might not recieve it. It is possible you will just be dry and miserable and will go back to drinking when you think your wife has eased up...."

I never thought of it from this point of view. Thank you! As I recall when I was on the wagon previously, I always felt like I was missing out at functions where others were drinking. This may be for the reasons you mentioned above. I will definately examine this closer! Thanks again!

-- Edited by AY on Tuesday 7th of June 2011 08:41:19 AM

Klaatu · Senior Member

There are a couple of things that the program of AA teaches us that I discovered for myself to be true. First of all, I HAVE to be willing to go to ANY length to get it. I can't pick and choose what I'm willing to do or not do based on my comfort level. I had to become willing to follow in the footsteps of the millions of alcoholics that got sober before me and do what they suggested. The second is that anything, ANYTHING I put in front of my sobriety I will loose. For 5 years I put lot's of things in front of my sobriety before finally getting sober and I lost them all. Every single one. I had 101 different reasons I couldn't go to AA meetings. "I can't go because I really need to finish the paint in the bathroom so I can get it put back together and we can finally take a shower". I still remember the look on my families faces when the bank and sheriff came and told us we had 1 hour to pack as much as we could and get out. They didn't even know we were behind on the mortgage payments. True story. I put good jobs, cars, trucks, friends and family ahead of my sobriety and they are all gone today. AA talks about humility and swallowing our pride. For a long time I tried to do it myself because I didn't want anyone to know I had to go to meetings and I thought I could do it by myself. After all, who knows whats better for me than me? I was too proud to admit that I needed help. That pride cost me everything. Worst of all, I lost me. There are millions of people around the world that got sober by following the simple program outlined in the Big Book of AA... but I was too proud to admit that they knew better than me. I don't know a single alcoholic ~not 1~ who was able to do it on their own. One of the biggest problems alcoholics have is the inability to think straight and make the right decisions. How can I trust myself to do it on my own when I can't even make a decision to not drink for 2 days and then be drunk an hour later? My alcoholism isn't caused by my drinking, the drinking is a symptom of my alcoholism (disease). In a way I think you have an advantage in that being a doctor you might understand the disease/symptom thing better than the average person. Just quitting drinking isn't sobriety, it's called being dry. So for me, just putting down the bottle wasn't enough. The REAL problem is in my head...it's me. I'm an alcoholic. I will always be an alcoholic. There is no cure for my alcoholism. All I have are other sober alcoholics that have done it and can help me do it too, one day at a time, and meetings. I've had asthma all my life, and have had to take medication to keep me from ending up in the hospital. I'm an alcoholic and have to go to meeting to keep me from ending up dead.

Unfortunately, none of us can tell you if your an alcoholic or not...you have to decide that on your own. We can, however, relate to what you are dealing with and see ourselves in you. If you want to quit drinking and find you can't there are millions of people around the world that want to help you. You see, by helping others get and stay sober, I also ensure my own sobriety...that's the way AA works. We're just one alcoholic talking to another alcoholic, sharing our own personal experience, strength, and hope.

Brian

AY · Member

"My alcoholism isn't caused by my drinking, the drinking is a symptom of my alcoholism (disease). In a way I think you have an advantage in that being a doctor you might understand the disease/symptom thing better than the average person. "

Dead on! As you stated about the disease/symptom relationship....You must treat the cause instead of the effect! You can mask the symptom, but if the underlying cause remains, you are still "sick".

Thank you for your input, I am starting to get a better grasp on how this disease works. I grew up with it in my father, but didn't truly understand it. With each of your responses, I am learning more and more...Again, I thank all of you for your help!

LinBaba · MIP Old Timer

AY wrote:
"My alcoholism isn't caused by my drinking, the drinking is a symptom of my alcoholism (disease). In a way I think you have an advantage in that being a doctor you might understand the disease/symptom thing better than the average person. "

Dead on! As you stated about the disease/symptom relationship....You must treat the cause instead of the effect! You can mask the symptom, but if the underlying cause remains, you are still "sick".

Thank you for your input, I am starting to get a better grasp on how this disease works. I grew up with it in my father, but didn't truly understand it. With each of your responses, I am learning more and more...Again, I thank all of you for your help!

Ay, try reading this:

More about Alcoholism

if that clicks, read this

There is a Solution

When I got sober I was a Fireman/Paramedic in a small beach town, so I started attending meetings "over the mountain" about an hour away, finally after a year I started attending meetings in my own small town, when I walked into the room I was astonished, I knew every single person in the room and had NO idea they were sober alcoholics, they started laughing and said "we wondered when you'd get here"

I will let you in on one of the most important secrets I learned in sobriety:

Nobody cares what I am doing as much as I do, the world doesn't revolve around me, I look back at my sneaking around to meetings back then with amusement, it's like it was less important if someone saw me shitfaced drunk then it was for someone see me go to a meeting sober, because if someone saw me going to a meeting they might think I had a problem....

The truth was people -knew- I drank, and one side effect of me getting sober was people actually had -more- respect for me, not derision, and over the years people started bringing me themselves and their family members to get sober, I got the opportunity to help dozens and dozens of people get sober, I had the opportunity to bring dozens of people to their first meeting, they in turn helped others

If I had to stand in front of God and "report" on my life and if he asked me if I wasted my life or not, that is what I would point at for redemption, even over the hundreds of lives I saved as a paramedic, because it was altruistic

In AA I learned how to not be stupid, boring, and glum when I didn't drink, something that was of no small importance

soberbytheGOG · Veteran Member

AY wrote:
Thank you for all of the feedback everyone, it is much appreciated. To be clear, There is no choice between my family and beer! I choose my family every time! My concern is that if I can do it without AA meetings. For the past 1+year, I have drank every weekend. My wife told me there are no second chances...if I screw up once, she is taking the kids and leaving (weather or not this is a scare tactic, I don't know, but I have no interest in finding out).

My original question, was aimed at what you all thought, in regards to my ability to do this on my own, not for approval. My biggest concern about the AA is that I am a Health care professional (Dr.) in a small community, I'd rather, not let everyone in on my little secret if not necessary. I quit drinking (on my own) for 2+ years previously, but started slowly getting back at it about 4 years ago. I think I can do it again, but am a little worried about the consequences if I'm wrong (read above ultimatum).

I will def. check out the big book, can you get it at a local book store? I see it is available on Amazon. My biggest test will be this Friday, as I drive past the service station I always stop at for beer on my way home from the office...If I make it past there, I'm home free....at least for the night.

Thanks again for all the help...I will keep you updated as things progress!

-- Edited by AY on Tuesday 7th of June 2011 08:01:11 AM

AY: It wouldn't hurt a bit for you to access a big book and read up. It was written back in the 1930's by Bill Wilson, the co-founder, along with Robert Holbrook Smith, M.D., also known as "Dr. Bob" (the 2nd alcoholic and co-founder of A.A.) There's a forward in the book authored by William Silkworth, M.D., that gives medical opinion on the disease of alcoholism. No matter what our opinions are, no matter what your wife says, if you are an alcoholic, you will find yourself in the Big Book of A.A. There's been no changes to the first 164 pages, since its inception in 1934. The only changes have been updates and additons to the personal stories in the back of the book.

As far as meetings go: If YOU decide that yes, you are an alcoholic, then you can always find meetings in larger towns/cities near you. It is hard to go to meetings in small towns when you are a professional (physician, lawyer, etc.....) Some people just don't understand.

Good luck, good vibes, and prayers for you and your family. I am also a professional in the medical community, but when we walk in the doors of any A.A. meeting, we are all just a bunch of AA's trying to get and stay sober, one day at a time. Just do it!!! smile

Klaatu · Senior Member

One of your questions that doesn't seem like it was addressed was weather or not you HAD to go to AA. AA certainly isn't the only way to get sober,there are people that live a pretty happy sober life who have never gone to AA. I work with a guy at a D/A treatment center who has over 20 years sober who has never been to AA. Remember, we are an AA message board, so most opinions here are going to be biased. All I can say is that AA is the only thing that worked for me. It sounds to me like your keeping a pretty open mind about all this, and that's really one of the keys to recovery. I've seen too many people get angry when they don't hear what they want to hear. Keep asking questions and keep an open mind, and you may decide that AA isn't all bad after all. Oh, and I forgot the first time around, but welcome to MIP...pull up a chair and stay a while!

Brian

barisax · Senior Member

As someone already mentioned, AA's co-founder was a medical doctor in a (relatively) small community. Times were different then, more of a stigma to alcoholism than there is today but there certainly are stigmas and prejudices today.

My first sponsor worked for a distillery. He was very nervous going to his first meeting, afraid he might run into someone he knew. Of course that person would be there for the same reason he was there - not like there could be any finger pointing. Well in addition to the 2 guys who 12-stepped him, there were four MORE people from the distillery at the meeting.

I figured if this guy can stay sober while continuing to work in a booze factory (no, he wasn't a taster), then I can probably handle it.

I never really tried to quit drinking for any length of time on my own. Several times I went a week or two, usually if I was on a diet or just had a bad hangover, but I never really had the thought of quitting. I didn't even have that thought when I came to AA. I wanted to "cut back to prior levels"... LOL. The fact is I always drank alcoholically. Even when the quantities were not that large, the mental obsession with alcohol was there from day one, so even successfully "cutting back", I would still have been a practicing alcoholic on the white-knuckle, drink-counting program. I was convinced otherwise. I was told don't drink and come back tomorrow. So I did that. After I had gotten to 30 days (longer than I had ever gone before), I just kept going. After about 6 months, I lost the desire to drink.

The mental obsession will always be there just because it's what I am. I will notice someone in a restaurant neglecting his tall beer, or get a chill walking down the beer aisle at the supermarket. That's ok - if that wasn't happening, I'd be getting cocky, and that generally is a bad thing for me.

Barisax

barisax · Senior Member

http://www.rewritables.net/cybriety/dr__bob%27s_nightmare.htm

Barisax

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Tuesday 7th of June 2011 07:56:00 PM

ferrisdp · Senior Member

AY, here's a link to an online copy of the Big Book:

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Tuesday 7th of June 2011 07:56:44 PM

SteveP · MIP Old Timer

Hey Andy, welcome.

I've met quite a few doctors in AA and I know two of them really pretty well. I even went to the practice of one of them today for an appointment with another Dr -- and I actually forgot that that is where "X" works, b/c that is how I know that person. In AA that person is just "X", not "Dr X", though lots of alkies will ask for that person, because they feel more comfortable with that person than another Dr -- the bond between us recovering alkies is something out of this world.

But I understand that reluctance to go to meetings locally. Even after about a year in AA, I'd fantasize that someone from work was following me to my lunchtime meetings and/or what I would do if I saw someone from work there. Nobody ever has done that. And -- unfortunately -- I've never seen anyone from work there.

It was really, really hard for me to admit that I'm an alcoholic. I'd say it at the meetings at first and would be lying, b/c I didn't believe it. Thankfully, I kept coming back to meetings and listened, read the Big Book and worked the 12 step program. I realised that that admission was not the end of the world, but the beginning.

Keep coming back!

Steve

AY · Member

Thanks everyone for the replies. I am very impressed at the overwhelming response and everyone's efforts to help me. You are all giving me different perspectives and sound advice. I fully intend to start reading the big book, and decide if meetings are necessary for my sucessful recovery. I currently feel like I can do it....but maybe that is me being nieve. We'll see what the urge is like come Friday after work. I am learning a lot about the disease, and will admit that I definately drink like an alcoholic, ie. no shut off valve. I feel like I can choose not to drink, but no I can't stop once I begin. Again Thank you to all of you for your responses!

AY · Member

ferrisdp wrote:
AY, here's a link to an online copy of the Big Book:

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

Thank you! I have just knocked out Bill's story and the first chapter. Very enlightening stuff. I look forward to what the rest of the book has to offer!

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Tuesday 7th of June 2011 07:56:44 PM

AY · Member

barisax wrote:
http://www.rewritables.net/cybriety/dr__bob%27s_nightmare.htm
Barisax

Thanks!

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Tuesday 7th of June 2011 07:56:00 PM

Rob84 · MIP Old Timer

AY wrote:
zzworldontheweb wrote:
Yeah, it sounds like our opinions are irrelevant at this point. You have to stop. You might be able to do it on your own, but if you can't, I wouldn't hesitate to try AA.
The "might" part is what is concerning...I was given the "no second chances" in the ultimatum. I'd rather not find out if she is serious about that.
Thanks for the input

I think your opinions are relevent. If you want to be happy in soberiety, you need to do it for you, not anyone else, unless you want to carry on as a dry drunk who is resentful that his wife made him stop drinking.

If you drink insanely and can't control it once you start, then you are probably one of us.

AA and the steps are not for everyone, only those who want to be happy in soberiety.

Hope this can help.

Mr_David · MIP Old Timer

Thanks "AY" for the topic...

I was considered more of a social drinker, early on, graduating to the status of binge drinker by age 22. I progressed to what can be defined as a full blown alcoholic by the time I was 30 and probably would have died, from this disease, at age 35 if it wasnt for divine intervention.

My vision of an alcoholic was that of a bowery bum on the streets drinking wine and having no life until I became one myself. I finally realized that skid row wasn't just an actual place but more importantly a state of mind. I became so consumed by the thought of my next drink, that the drink, eventual, consumed me hook, line and sinker.

Your situation parallels mine in so many ways and even conjures up memories of my drinking past which got progressively worse. I did not address the issue right away, mostly due to the denial based rationale I used to justify my drinking. I'm not trying to insinuate that you're an "alcoholic" but any stretch of the imagination, but for me it was abundantly clear and the reason why is this: The cravings and withdrawal from wanting to drink became so overwhelming, that the thought of a drink was constantly on my mind -especially in early sobriety. The cravings weren't just a figment of my imagination, they were actually happening. The symptoms were "problematic" and can be only defined as alcoholism -pure and simple. So, the only choice for me was to abstain altogether and a sober choice I have to make every day -thanks be to God.

The life I'm experiencing now is far better than previously imagined -one day at a time. My prayer for anyone, especially you, is that you read the first step of AA in its entirety before embarking on any campaign like controlled drinking. Ultimately...it's up to you, so choose wisely -for today.

~God bless~

-- Edited by Mr_David on Wednesday 8th of June 2011 02:47:47 AM

ferrisdp · Senior Member

AY, being in the healthcare industry you may already understand the content of the Doctor's Opinion, but it was very helpful to me, and important to my recovery. You might want to give that a read too. Funny, in rehab I used the Big Book as a sleep aid, not intentionally at first but invariably after 2 pages I was toast. It all sunk in when I read it page by page with my sponsor, that's when it "came to life" for me.

Good luck to you.

Peace,

Patrick

-- Edited by ferrisdp on Wednesday 8th of June 2011 11:59:36 AM

AY · Member

Mr_David wrote:
Thanks "AY" for the topic...

I was considered more of a social drinker, early on, graduating to the status of binge drinker by age 22. I progressed to what can be defined as a full blown alcoholic by the time I was 30 and probably would have died, from this disease, at age 35 if it wasnt for divine intervention.

My vision of an alcoholic was that of a bowery bum on the streets drinking wine and having no life until I became one myself. I finally realized that skid row wasn't just an actual place but more importantly a state of mind. I became so consumed by the thought of my next drink, that the drink, eventual, consumed me hook, line and sinker.

Your situation parallels mine in so many ways and even conjures up memories of my drinking past which got progressively worse. I did not address the issue right away, mostly due to the denial based rationale I used to justify my drinking. I'm not trying to insinuate that you're an "alcoholic" but any stretch of the imagination, but for me it was abundantly clear and the reason why is this: The cravings and withdrawal from wanting to drink became so overwhelming, that the thought of a drink was constantly on my mind -especially in early sobriety. The cravings weren't just a figment of my imagination, they were actually happening. The symptoms were "problematic" and can be only defined as alcoholism -pure and simple. So, the only choice for me was to abstain altogether and a sober choice I have to make every day -thanks be to God.
The life I'm experiencing now is far better than previously imagined -one day at a time. My prayer for anyone, especially you, is that you read the first step of AA in its entirety before embarking on any campaign like controlled drinking. Ultimately...it's up to you, so choose wisely -for today.

~God bless~

-- Edited by Mr_David on Wednesday 8th of June 2011 02:47:47 AM

Some of what you have written does sound familiar. I started out just partying on the weekends my senior year of highschool. When I went off to college, I was playing football, so that curbed me to a certain extent for a couple years. When I finished athletics, I started drinking more often and heavier. Through my jr/sr years of college, I would have occasional blackouts from drinking, but nothing out of the "ordinary" when compared to those around me. When I went on to grad school, that's where I saw a drastic increase in consumption. Not necessarily in frequency, but in volume. I would blackout much more often.

After I graduated from school and went into practice, things slowed down a little, as I was focusing on business, and was in a new town (didn't want to get a bad reputation) I would still drink on weekends, as I would travel back to my hometown and hang out with old friends. I met my wife, and she saw the darker side of my drinking. We got along perfectly unless I would get smashed, I would become insecure and we would argue. We agreed that our marriage would be better if I stopped drinking entirely. I stopped for a couple years. I decided at a party that I would have a few drinks, and she was ok with it. From there, things have slowly progressed to where I currently stand.

I usually drink a couple 6 packs of pounders after work on Friday (usually in a 2-3 hr span.) Saturday usually in a 24-30 pack, spread out over the day from say 2 o'clock until 7-8. Sunday I dry out, and the cycle repeats. Where the real problem is in my eyes, is the "no shut off valve" as I like to call it. The only reason I drink the aformentioned quantities is because that's all the beer I purchase. If I go somewhere with an unlimited supply, I drink 40-50 beers. I don't drink "hard stuff" as I would probably die of alcohol poisoning as I drink so fast. Last Saturday was one of those 40-50 beer evenings. My wife gave me an ultimatum this past Sunday, so here I am.

As it stands currently, I have no craving for alcohol. I am curious if that will remain the same come this Friday, as that is my usaul fill up time after work. I wonder if I got the cravings on Friday because I knew I was going to be able to drink and I won't this Friday because I know I absolutely can not (If I want to keep my family intact)? We shall see in a couple days. One thing I know for sure is that I will not be giving into the craving if it is there Friday as I have to much to lose!

Stay tuned, I will provide updates over the weekend.

Thanks for the input!

AY

Klaatu · Senior Member

There is a line in our BB that says "no human power could have relieved our alcoholism." I didn't understand what that meant until I discovered that nothing I did, no decisions I made, and no negative consequences could stop me from drinking. What that means to me today is that the only thing that can give me that daily reprieve is my Higher Power, or "God of my understanding" as the BB puts it. I can't rely on the people in the meetings, my sponsor, or even my wife and kids...I have to let my HP do it for me. Before I became a daily drinker I could go months without any cravings or desires to have a drink, but when I drank it was always to get that "good feeling" that came along with it. After a while, I had to drink more often and larger amounts to get that feeling. There came a day when no amount of alcohol would bring it back. Drinking to a .38 BAH during a blackout wasn't even enough (and I'm a whopping 145 lbs). I learned that it's not what I do when I take that drink, but what happens inside me when I do. I know I'm an alcoholic because of what happens in my head. I can justify ANYTHING, and I really mean anything to get what I want. I took clothes and food away from my children so i could get money to drink. I pawned everything of value that was in our house...mine or not (including my wife's diamond engagement ring). Alcohol does something different in my brain than it does to the non alcoholic. I don't know what it is, but it instantly flips a switch that stops all sane thinking. And I would keep going and going thinking that it wouldn't be as bad next time (it was always WORSE). It's like poking a bee hive and thinking to yourself "if I keep poking it eventually the bees will go BACK inside." Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. I was insane beyond all hope. Thank God the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous helped me get some sanity back, and helped me see where I was wrong. AA helped me see that I'm not a bad person, I'm a good person with a bad disease.

If you feel the cravings come back, try and find a meeting, or call your local AA hotline. AA can help when all else fails. Keep coming back and sharing, and we'll do all we can to help. Try and keep things simple, and just focus on doing the right thing (not drinking, right?) one day or one moment at a time! Things will get better right before your very eyes!

Brian

soberbytheGOG · Veteran Member

We didn't have 'online AA' back when I sobered up in 1988. For those who couldn't attend meetings, (disabilities, no meetings in the area, etc....) they had what they called "The Loner's Group", and I think that consisted of writing letters and phone calls. Today with online AA, I think it can be a wonderful tool for new and older AA members to share their experience, strength and hope with each other. The group of folks here who have responded to AY have shown the absolute essence of what AA is all about. Let's see.... what did Bill Wilson do when he started to get a little 'jittery' in early sobriety? He found others to help (can we do that here, online? I say hell yes!) AY, if you start to get jittery on Friday (and you may not even have a craving, who knows? hell, "I" may have a craving on that day, the program teaches us ONE DAY AT A TIME, so don't worry about Friday until Friday gets here!) just log in and share it here on the board. We're all here to help each other!! One more thing that helps me when I get in a snit or whatever is one of our cheesy slogans we use, "This too Shall Pass" I love that slogan!

AY · Member

All is going well so far....We have my oldest son's 6th birthday party @ my house this Sat., so I am looking forward to enjoying this without a hangover! We have an adults party after for family and friends. This will be my first gig where others will be drinking around me...but I won't. I think it should go ok. My father (an alcoholic) will be there, so hopefully I can convince him to join me in a night of sober fun. When I make it through this weekend, It will be my first sober weekend in over a year. Friday night will be the first test! Wish me luck! I'm feeling pretty confident in myself right now! Thanks for all the help everyone!

soberbytheGOG · Veteran Member

AY: Glad to hear everything is going well for you! Enjoy the birthday party for your son and keep us posted! Remember to try and start each day (and many times throughout the day) with some sort of 'connection' with the God of your understanding. The book tells us that God doesn't make too hard of terms or require us to jump through any large hoops. What really helped me when I was brand new to sobriety and the spiritual way of life, was when I heard an AA speaker tape (AA has conventions where sober AA members are the 'speakers' and they tape these talks) the speaker was an alcoholic catholic priest, and he said that even faith the size of a mustard seed is plenty to get us started on our paths. My prayers, when new, were very short and akward, but I did manage to make that connection with God. Just sort of, "Dear God, please help me stay sober, just for today, so that I may be of service to you and to help others, if it be Your Will...." very short and sweet, but sincere, do doubt.

One Day at a Time, and those sober days can just keep adding up! Let us know how it goes and enjoy your new journey towards sobriety.... I will look forward to hearing from the other AA members on this board any suggestions/experiences they may have for you at this junction of your sobriety. God Bless you and your family.

Jane05 · MIP Old Timer

Will be thinking of you and saying a few prayers for you today. Hang in there!!

AY · Member

Morning all. Well...I didn't get drunk last night! First Friday in well over a year that I have not drank (I am a weekend warrior) I feel great today! T-ball game with the boys @11, My eldest 6th birthday party @ 3 followed by an "adults" after party. I'm feeling pretty confident about tonights party. There will be alcohol there, but I think I can abstain. My father (an alcoholic) will be there and he agreed to stay sober with me. The biggest thing is going to be all my friends offering me beers, and wondering why I'm not drinking. No big deal. I quit for 2 years about 5 years ago....think I am prime for another run! Thank you for all the support and kind words....Stay tuned!
AY

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

there's a couple of threads on here (usinq the search funtion) about how to handle social events with without drinkinq, what to say ect...

soberbytheGOG · Veteran Member

AY, That's great! Glad you feel good today, and hope you enjoy all the events!!

BillNSB · Member

For me, it really came down to the first step. Admitting to myself that I was truly powerless over alcohol. It may sound overly simplistic, but that is when it truly worked for me.

Like most, I "quit" many times, and for various lengths of time. Unfortunately, I had to get to the point where day-to-day functions, my health and personal and professional life were jeopardized before I finally admitted it. And believed it.

Truly embrace the non-drinking times with family and friends, activities you enjoy, and clarity in your professional life.

I can say that the sober life has been far more rewarding and enjoyable than alcohol ever was. That is also hard to believe, but it's true.

There have been many good points posted. The one about resenting your wife for forcing you to make a decision is important. Simply relishing the non-drinking times with her will go a long way in reinforcing your decision.

If, after time, you find yourself not enjoying the sober life, I would seriously cave in and go to a meeting. The shared experience of being around others with a common problem is cathartic.

AY · Member

Well......I am happy to report I survived my first weekend in probably 18-24 mos without drinking! I had some cravings while at the party as others were drinking around me, but nothing I felt like I couldn't handle! I hope (and am pretty confident) that I can lick this thing. The greatest feeling of the entire weekend was that I felt like my wife and I connected on another level. I could tell she was pleased with my behavior, and she seemed more loving and affectionate toward me as a result! Thanks to everyone for their support and advice. I will keep you all abreast of my situation as the days pass. I have been 9 days without any alcohol...longest stretch in roughly 2 years!
AY

Rainspa · Senior Member

Congratulations!

Lots of people can stop drinking if for a good reason. It looks like you might be one of those people.

If cross paths with someone that can't stop drinking on their own, now you know a little more about AA and the people in this program and can recomend AA.

If you find you can't stay stopped, you know where we are (feel free to hang out just for grins).

Any way you look at it you win. Congratulations, and best wishes,

Rainspa