I'm not a newbie as drinking, God knows I've been drinking pretty much all my life. I just turned 65. My drinking was always pretty much social drinking and a few beers at home with my husband after work.
In the last couple of years however, the company I worked for for 20 years closed it's doors and I was out of work - at home all day. I tried to start my own business from home and did OK, but.....I was at home, not getting up and driving to "work". I started having just one or two drinks in the afternoons, then it just seemed to escalate.
Now, I start with my first drink about 7:30 to 8:00AM because I need that shot to stop the shakes. It then goes from there. By about 4:00 PM I'm smashed, but still on my feet. I fix dinner for my husband and myself, then pass out on the couch. Of course, I thought I was hiding my drunkeness very well, but he knew.
On Thursday night, my husband had enough. He brought out several of the booze bottles that I thought I had so cleverly hidden and confronted me. I packed a suitcase and figured I might as well just levave. But...
On Friday I went to my first AA meeting thinking I need to do something, but not expecting much. I was impressed with the almost "family" like interaction with the people there, and was greeted immediately with welcomes and names and phone numbers of people to call. I came home from the Friday meeting - one hour later I fixed myself a drink.
Today is Saturday, and although not drunk, I have had some drinks.
I feel like I've already failed.
How do you stop from taking that first drink of the day, because if I can get past that I will have hope. Right now, I have no hope.
Hope is still alive, isn't it? Of course it is...You just testified to that. My hope was born out of need not want and rightfully so. I needed to experience some sort of rejuvenation, to dispel the myth that alcoholics are always doomed to fail -period. The day I walked into my first AA meeting was the day I took my first step towards lasting sobriety; far away from the insanity that defined my active alcoholism for so many years. I got my first real glimpse of "hope" that day and haven't looked back ever since. My faith has been renewed and my hope restored as I started a sober journey that has encompassed some 9+ years now and I "hope" it can be your defining moment -as well, one day at a time. Keep close to AA, find a sponsor and start working the steps and never give up hope, We won't neither should you.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Saturday 4th of June 2011 01:52:59 PM
Hi Sandy: Glad you are here and welcome! You've taken such a great step towards freedom from having to take that first drink. You took action by finding this site, you went to that horrid 'first' meeting and got that out of the way. Now you have established a foundation for sobriety. It's really a simple program for complicated people! Just don't take the first drink, and get yourself back to a meeting. That's not complicated, is it? How in the world could you be a "failure" when you've already taken such huge steps towards getting and staying sober? You are not a failure, you are a winner. Buy yourself a big book the next meeting you go to, don't drink between now and then, and find someone to talk to after the meeting. You are going to be so happy when you realize you do not ever have to drink again, one day at a time.
Sandy, welcome! Remember, you only have to have a desire to quit drinking to be a part of AA! In order to stay sober in my first couple of months, I went to at least one meeting a day for 90 days, some days two. When I felt like drinking I would read my big book, have a snack, or call someone. Ask for phone numbers at your meeting and use them! Focus on one day at a time and don't be too hard on yourself! Take care sandy! One day at a time-it gets easier. Dolly
Hi Sandy, The AA book suggests hospitalisation if you cannot stop drinking. In Bill's story, he says :"At the hospital I was separated from alcohol for the last time. Treatment seemed wise, for I showed signs of delirium tremens." Thereafter he took the steps of AA & remained sober for the rest of his life. From your post I gather that you really have a strong desire to stop drinking. Perhaps you need a little medical help.
Personally I do not know many people who went to their first AA meeting and never had another drink. It took me three years to reach my last drink, and I am happily sober for a long time now. But that would never have happened if I did not keep going to AA , even after I drank--I kept going and kept going. Best advice given to me was just to follow the steps suggested as a program of recovery.
Hello and Good Morning Sandy :) By about 4:00 PM I'm smashed, but still on my feet. I fix dinner for my husband and myself, then pass out on the couch. Of course, I thought I was hiding my drunkeness very well, but he knew. This, once again, describes one of the stages of my active alcoholism. I also was drinking very early in the morning.
As long as I want sobriety, there is always "Hope". The numbers you received were for you to use before you fixed that first drink that Friday. We really want to help you not take that first drink. Does it always work? Not always. But, sometimes after a few tries it can. There's some "Hope". And there is always hope for us, until...
When I was first getting sober I got myself to meetings in the morning, at noon and in the evening. I was very lucky to have that many meetings to go to. When I started stressing, got angry, etc... I used those numbers. Those ladies talked to me until I was feeling better and the urge to drink passed. Still talk to several from that list. :D They love me and they loved me until I could love myself and could return that love.
Give those numbers a dial, ring those phones, set yourself up with a schedule of meeting with a comment to try and make them all. I promise you will not regret it.
Thank you so much for posting and I truly hope I helped in some way.
Thank you all for responding so quickly. After my first post yesterday, I have not had another drink - almost 24 hours. This is a huge milestone for me. I cannot remember when I've gone 24 hours without a drink.
Right this minute I badly want one, but I'm on my way out the door to an AA meeting! I have a list of meeting times at places not too far away, and am going to make as many as I can.
It's good to know that I'm not alone and that Thankfully my husband is being very supportive of me and is helping stay out of the booze by keeping me busy - all day long! I'm pooped, but glad because I almost lost him.
With over 20 years of continueous sobriety, nothing as bad as the rememberiing the thought of those 7:30 shots.. for me it was attached to so much Shame.....I was a chronic relaper for over 7 years, the Progression of the Disease is what gets us, or should I say, sure got me, before I was given the Gift of Desperation I was a 24/7 drunk, not a pretty site.
You sure sound like you are truly on your way to a new life, by the words in your last response.....
And those drinks after the meeting, or meetings, that is your Disease talking to you.......it is like, to me, figuratively speaking, a 500 lb. Gorilla saying, you think you are going put me down and out, and the GREAT NEWS in the AA BB, working the 12 Steps of this Program, the gorilla loses....always, and this is our little one a day program, we only have to do this once a day, then when we wake up, we only have to do this day, and on and on. Please always remember it has never been a moral issue, it is a real Disease, like cancer, but the good news for us is requires no medications, no MRIs,
When I was battling that gorilla, I said OK, I will have a drink, but I will have it tomorrow......kept telling the Disease the same thing, and as trecherous and deadly as this Disease is, seems you can fool this monster with that Promise....
God Bless you and I have a real strong hunch before you know it you will be a big part of our family that you have just joined.
Welcome!!!!
Tonicakes
-- Edited by Just Toni on Sunday 5th of June 2011 03:22:29 PM
Sandy, Glad to hear you are making those meetings! I have stayed sober since my very first meeting on or around April, 16th - 1988. It can and DOES work! What I tried to do was listen to everyone, as best I could and not worry about the parts I didn't understand. I was able to do that because after my first AA meeting, an oldtimer came up to me and told me to 'take what you need and leave the rest', I took that to heart (and still do!) I try to surrender on a daily basis and have 'ceased fighting' the booze. It's not a problem for me today, because I have the tools this program has taught me! Basically it's really pretty simple: Just don't drink, go to meetings, read the big book, pray and/or meditate, and again, don't drink - just for today or for 5 minutes or 30 seconds, etc.... Glad you are here and remember: You are just as much a member with a few days of sobriety as any of us on this online board or any of the AA members you meet in the face to face meetings. Sober is as high of a rank as you get, here! Enjoy your journey and keep coming back!!
-- Edited by soberbytheGOG on Monday 6th of June 2011 12:50:51 AM
Well done, Sandy. You have taken the 1st step. Just keep at it no matter how you may feel. At your earliest try to work with others. Just strike up a conversation with others at tea. I very rarely leave a meeting before they start closing up. This has not only kept me sober, but has given me a passion for AA that keeps driving me to do more.
Sandy, I do not think you failed. I think if you have reached the point of almost around the clock drinking, it might take detox and rehab to get you a jump on sobriety. It might not though since you have been 24 hours now...My guess is you will be detoxing for about 5 more days. It's horrid but you only have to go through it once. Remember that.
Furthermore, Welcome and stick around please!
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