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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> I'm waving a pair of my white undies and it aint helping...
Post Info TOPIC: I'm waving a pair of my white undies and it aint helping...
TipsyMcStagger


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I'm waving a pair of my white undies and it aint helping...
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I am somewhat confused by something and I'm hoping one of you can help me. I hear the word "surrender" being used often and while dictionary.com defines it as...

"dr)
v. sur·ren·dered, sur·ren·der·ing, sur·ren·ders
v. tr.

1. To relinquish possession or control of to another because of demand or compulsion.
2. To give up in favor of another.
3. To give up or give back (something that has been granted): surrender a contractual right.
4. To give up or abandon: surrender all hope.
5. To give over or resign (oneself) to something, as to an emotion: surrendered himself to grief.
6. Law. To restore (an estate, for example), especially to give up (a lease) before expiration of the term.


v. intr.

To give oneself up, as to an enemy.


n.

1. The act or an instance of surrendering.
2. Law.
1. The delivery of a prisoner, fugitive from justice, or other principal in a suit into legal custody.
2. The act of surrendering or of being surrendered to bail.
3. Restoration of an estate."

I fail to grasp how this applies to AA and I am unable to make the connection as it how relates to me not being a stumblebumpisspot drunk anymore. I would like to know how you people define surrender.

-- Edited by TipsyMcStagger at 18:23, 2005-10-02

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cooncatbob


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I would say it's numbers 1&5. Even though we have no control over our lives, we try to control every aspect. We map out the future and we relive the past and we forget that the now is all we have. When one surrenders one is released from the burden of trying to control the uncontrollable It's an abstract concept and is difficult to understand but when you surrender in your heart it's like the weight of the world is lifted from your shoulder. Surrendering and turning it over to God (as you understand him or don't understand him) is the cornerstone of recovery. It's why we have just today and why we have to work our programs daily for the rest of our lives.
There are oldtimers out there who can explain things much better then me and you might need more help then you can get from meetings alone (you might need to detox or enter a treatment center) to get clean and sober, but staying clean and sober is alot of work and some of it is painful but the reward are a life that you can not now imagine. Good luck and hang in there. I don't like to be preached to myself so if I've come accross as preaching I'm sorry, Bob

-- Edited by cooncatbob at 17:53, 2005-10-02

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Sick of being sick


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Toughest thing for me to surrender(give up), was the notion that I could not control my drinking, and therefore, had to make some serious changes in my life.


I don't think there are many who are willing to say that they can't win their battles on their own, to say, "Ok, I'm getting beat up here!  I surrender my pride!  I need help with this one."


 



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Doll


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For me,


" To relinquish possession or control of to another because of demand or compulsion."


In order for me to stay sober and live I have to reqlinquish the compulsion to drink to another ; for me  'another'  is  God.  In a nutshell, I can't handle booze, so I turn it over to my Higher Power and my group of AA's, something I must do everyday, sometimes several times a day......


 


Doll


 



-- Edited by Doll at 18:19, 2005-10-02

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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
TipsyMcStagger


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I don't think you're being preachy cooncatbob...and I don't even mind being preached at all that much anyway. 12 years of catholic school has made me immune to the effects of preaching in all forms. Unfortunately it's also left a profound distaste in my mouth for organized religion of any kind. But I do believe that there are forces in the universe more powerful than me and I know in my heart that when I allow myself to be guided by these forces paths become clear and obstacles are removed. I just don't know if I'm ready to completely give myself over to anything, spiritual or otherwise.

-- Edited by TipsyMcStagger at 18:24, 2005-10-02

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Sick of being sick


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Yep, it's pretty hard to surrender, aint it?  


More from Chapter 3: "For those who are unable to drink moderately the question is how to stop altogether. We are assuming, of course, that the reader desires to stop. Whether such a person can quit upon a nonspiritual basis depends upon the extent to which he has already lost the power to choose whether he will drink or not. Many of us felt that we had plenty of character. There was a tremendous urge to cease forever. Yet we found it impossible. This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish."


BTW, it's ok not to have your Higher Power fit the "traditional" concept.  As I'm sure you have seen here, some folks think of G.O.D. as meaning "Good Orderly Direction".  Many others simply consider their AA group to fill that "Power greater than themselves" position (there IS strength in numbers).  I also think that there is a Force behind the universe, and also that She/He/It doesn't quite fit the stereotypical image I was taught; my dad retired as a Lutheran minister.


 



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Sick of being sick


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Hey Tipsy, don't know if you caught the post from Wagon a while back, where he gave a link to a site called The Big Book website.  I hope you don't mind my using sections of the book to address some of your questions, but I find that it does a far more eloquent job than I.


If your are interested in reading more, here is the website- http://www.recovery.org/aa/bigbook/ww/index.html


Chapter 4: We Agnostics

In the preceding chapters you have learned something of alcoholism. we hope we have made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic. If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer.


To one who feels he is an atheist or agnostic such an experience seems impossible, but to continue as he is means disaster, especially if he is an alcoholic of the hopeless variety. To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live on a spiritual basis are not always easy alternatives to face.

But it isn't so difficult. About half our original fellowship were of exactly that type. At first some of us tried to avoid the issue, hoping against hope we were not true alcoholics. But after a while we had to face the fact that we must find a spiritual basis of life or else. Perhaps it is going to be that way with you. But cheer up, something like half of us thought we were atheists or agnostics. Our experience shows that you need not be disconcerted.

If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago. But we found that such codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how much we tried. We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasn't there. Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly.

Lack of power, that was our dilemma. we had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power?


Well, that's exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem.



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amanda2u2


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hey, Tippsy,,  I can really relate to what you're going through.  I went out last Christmas and got maudlin drunk, after a long time of sobriety too. I felt really embarrassed and ashamed and like I had let everyone down by my failure,, but ya know? When I went back and fessed up, and through the next weeks of struggle,, they were just glad I was back and struggling. They were concerned, but not in a condemning way. They helped me through and I really appreciated it. There is one guy in the group,, he is still active with cocaine, and he comes even after having been out the night before..  we are glad he comes. We are learning that if we fall we get up again and take another Step.


 I come from a family with a military background, which is similar to conservative Catholic in that they both involve hierarchy and control,, and so the word 'surrender' is loaded for me too. The way I found to deal with that issue is that I could stop fighting against hierarchy and control and against my alcoholism and faults and all... and that God is not like those people and that system. So my understanding of God changed too from my childhood ideas stemming from those experiences. God and I are friends now and I let Him lead cuz He is wise and good and loves me and His ways are not contrary to what is my best interest, but are in my best interest as well as everybody elses. So my war is over.


Keep coming, keep sharing, keep thinking, day by day, Step by Step, progress is being made,


amanda



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