the pain is easing

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

the pain is easing

turninggrey · MIP Old Timer

"I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when my fear is gone I will turn and face fear's path, and only I will remain."

Sobrietyspell · MIP Old Timer

Wow to both of you. What a beautiful way to put it, TG. Where is this from? It was what I was thinking too where Bill has turned to face his own long night of the soul & found the truth he ran from all this time & realised that he can actually now really & truly Face Everything And Recover. More is revealed 1Day@aTime & Bill, your signature comes into its own. Also, that there need be no ceiling on your recovery. It can be as unconditional as your sobriety. Alcohol was just a symbol. You can go to any lengths for victory over your fear/malady/soulsickness. I love your Higher Power. Keep trusting 1Day@aTime ;) Thank you for your inspiration, Danielle x

LinBaba · MIP Old Timer

Awesome TG, it's from the book "Dune" it's the Bene Gesserit "fear Mantra" and the funny thing is I have totally used it over the years

Fear is the little death...

"Only I will remain"

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Aloha Bill...you support my habit for growing and staying sober...Ask questions and then listen with an "open" mind. I still do because the ESH of others is what saves my butt when I have been unable to.

"How is it that I know my relationship with Eileen was so sick and needed to end but I still miss her." Humans have lots of emotions and one of them is hope and what I learned when I went thru this in early recovery with sponsorship and membership was that I also was human and experiencing the emotion of hope.

"How is it that I know my little shallow relationship with the other woman was doomed to failure, is now permanently over but I still miss what little we had." - Regardless how I do it I love being loved. Loving and being loved is the God will. It is age old...biblical; "love your neighbor as your self" only I had the will back wards and didn't understand until recovery that I had to learn how to love myself before I knew how or what it was like to love another. One part of "wanting to be loved" was being forgiven and accepted unconditionally inspite of my behaviors like I learned God has and had done with and for me. I had to learn how to do that same love for me and then to do the very same for others unconditionally.

"Love is the complete and total - acceptance - of every other human being for exactly who they are...(program lesson and practice) when I don't do this I feel hurt; pain inside of myself and then for the other and I feel the need to work it better as it is being worked with me by my Higher Power as I understand God.

I totally accept my ex-addict wife and all of the people she used with who, along with my own efforts helped me destroy my early years including family. I am changing the things I can and passing the lessons backward to my children in words and in action which is an expression of the love I have learned here. Practice, practice, practice. It is in tune with the love my HP shares with me and with the love I practice with myself on a daily basis...Certainly one of the best things we in recovery do with and for each other is learn about love, being loving, sharing love which is how we are also treated.

I cannot control how, in what way another person expresses their love with me. I don't carry a manual with me entitled (How to love Jerry F) to hand to others in my life. I get to love them before hand...open acceptance without condition or reservation...love them and myself at the same time.

I cannot do this thing called life or recovery without others so like yourself I keep coming back with an open mind to listen, learn and practice. So far so good.

smile

-- Edited by Jerry F on Tuesday 10th of May 2011 02:28:31 PM

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Happiness is a decision, each morninq and eveninq. Enjoy your free time and fill up your schedule with thinqs to do. In short time you'll be smilinq, wonderinq what all the fuss was about.

SteveP · MIP Old Timer

Yep, Bill you're showing this programme for the best. Working through the pain, using the steps of recovery to...recover!

Thanks for showing me just how how this programme really does give freedom from alcohol.

Steve

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

So here we are, another night after the meeting. Some of us go home to empty houses we wish had people in, some of us go home to houses with people in we wish weren't there. Some go home to houses where it's just what they want, either the solitude or the company. Each of us can change our acceptance of this on a daily basis, sometimes on an hourly basis.

So tonight, I'm back in an empty house, no company, not even a pet. Just the TV and MIP.

It's no good anymore when you walk through the door to an empty room, go inside and set a table for one, it's no fun.................

Who'm I kidding I'm going nowhere, couldn't even last an hour without you, should be ashamed, just want to hear you calling my name..........

And at the end of the day, I hated sleeping alone, There's nothing worse when you're lost and you don't wanna go hiome................

What does it say in the Big Book, something along the lines of trying to do something for the rest of your life can be done for just one day........or an hour........or a few minutes..........

I can do this for the rest of this day, or hour, or the next few minutes..........

So I've had to push away my Brown Eyed Girl, now I need some of that Pretty Amazing Grace to save me........................

I know it sounds like I'm firmly on the pity pot, but this is cathartic, is the best way to exise the pains when I'm on my own, good music, hours of guitar practice, remembering (or half remembering) snatched of lyrics...........she want's to take it just a little bit further now..........You better beware.......Don't go there.............

Amazingly I've not been in work since 19th April and the company hasn't collapsed...........so maybe they can manage without me, maybe I'm not indispensible. Maybe I've finally passed the stick and bucket test......

It's hard to tell a crying child why her daddy won't go back, my family suffers but it hurts me more to hear a scab say Sod You Jack............bloddy hell, I miss my dad..........

There's so much coming to the surface now, feelings of loss and grieving. Thought I'd got over my Dad dying but I drank all the way through...............

One day at a time guys, one day at a time...............

I'd like to do a day dry eyed soon...........

Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines.............

-- Edited by bikerbill on Tuesday 10th of May 2011 06:19:15 PM

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

God makes things happen. God gives us what we need. God gives it when we need it. Everything happens in God's time, not in mine. Who'd a thought a minor car crash would bring someone into my life for a short while who showed me a reason to have hope. Who showed me trust. Who showed me I am valued. Who showed me I'm worthy. Who showed me I've changed. Who showed me I can give and receive. Who showed me how to let go and let God. Who knows what's round the corner? God knows cos I don't.

Just Toni · MIP Old Timer

Hi Bill,

It was not long ago at all, that you were writing about how hard you had worked and so glad to be home...you were home alone, but you never gave it mention.

Before you know it, your work will be back on track, you'll be in your kitchen, and then writing us about some real yummy food you'd cooked.

Be well my friend, trust God, Clean House, and help another.

My dear therapist always taught me to stay close to any emotion, not try to run from it, and there is a built in guarantee that it will turn into another emotion. Sadness is one such emotion. Sorrow and Pain are on the flip side of JOY.

toodles from California, Tonicakes

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

qet a cat and a fish tank. Plenty of entertainment.

Larry_H · MIP Old Timer

Bill,

My experience has been that when I am in emotional pain, NOTHING, ABSOLUTLY NOTHING works as well as getting out and helping others. Does not even have to be AA work. I can volunteer at a nursing home or hospital and it works just as well. The important thing is that I am getting out of myself and into others. A magical thing happens to me when I help others. My troubles don't seem as important when I am helping others with their problems.

Try it, what do you have to lose?

Your friend

Larry

Mr_David · MIP Old Timer

Hi Bill...

I'm glad to hear about your breakthrough; It's nice to feel alive again doesn't it? I hope you continue to experience more of the same -one day at a time.

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

Just re read my last two posts. Just about 90minutes between despair and breakthrough and I don't know what happened.

All I know is I suddenly felt it'll all work out ok.

I don't know how it'll work out but it will work out ok. All I have to do is STOP trying to make it work out in my time and START believing that I put the work in as best I can and God'll do the rest if I leave it with Him and don't try to do His job for Him.

nezyb · Senior Member

Thank you seems so trivial to say in regards to the strength and hope I gather from your posts, but it's all I have, so Thank You, Thank You, Thank You. The honesty and emotion you share helps me to know that no matter what may come my way on this journey of recovery that I have recently embarked on, as long as I reach out, feel what I'm feeling, trust my Higher Power, and don't drink, I can and will survive. Your last post on this thread strikes me in particular...."I don't know how it'll work out but it will work out ok. ...." I was thinking these thoughts exactly as I was driving to pick up my 18 y/o autistic son from school this am. They called me as he had had another seizure, on the bus this time. He has had a few grand mal seizures, they started when he was 16, but only one per day, and anywhere from a year to six months apart, so we didn't put him on any meds. Too many side effects and the seizures were so few and far between. Over the past two weeks according to school, he has had 2 lesser "focal" seizures, kinda spacing out really, and we have not seen them at home, so we were not even sure they were seizures. Then a grand mal seizure this am on the bus. No question about those when they happen, you know it's a seizure. My typical m.o. would have been to stress out, how am I gonna fix this, what am I gonna do to fix him? Instead I calmly told the teacher, I'll be there to get him, and then started praying. For his health and well being. For God to keep him in his arms, and guide me as to what needs to be done to help him as much as I can. WOW !!!! Powerful stuff. And I am learning the how and the why of it from folks like you. So again, Thank You. Peace.