God Bless Tammy Wynette and Billy Connoly. Every time I think or hear or read the word divorce, i get either a country american version off the song, or a drunken glaswegian version of the song.
But anyway, having been prepered to file for a divorce (there it is again), circumstances change and now she want's to divorce me, on certain specific grounds. I'll talk to my solicitor tomorrow (attorney) and take guidance on the best way to proceed.
There are 5 ways to get a divorce over here.
Adultery
Unreasonable Behavior
Separation for two years (both parties need to consent)
Separation for 5 years, (no defendants consent required)
Desertion for 2 years. (only the deserted can apply).
So i was going for 5 years separation. She's challenged this because we spent the odd weekend and holiday together. Bugger.
She's offering Adultery with un named co respondent, or unreasonable behaviour. I guess she'll be able to walk away as the injured party then, and maybe take me to the cleaners financially. Hey ho, here we go.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
wow, that's like qoinq back to the '70's here. Of course it varies from state to state. It would seem that livinq apart for all those years should invalidate those claims. Some people qo to qreat lenqths to be a victim.
frodo, as we used to say over here. You can have her I don't want her. She's too fat for me! Transatlantic wife swapping eh? Brother I wouldn't wish her on my worst enemy. Keep smiling.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
dean. Another example of her need to control. Subject to legal advice this could be the ideal solution for me. I have an acceptable settlement figure im mind and it's not a 50 50 split. So the financial pain night not be too bad.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
In New York State my first divorce I was the DEFENDANT?(guilty one) grounds of mental cruelty(dont even think they have that term anymore,that was like '72....Ithink around '79 my 2nd wife said she would be the bad guy(she was defendant I was plantiff? adultery......(i WAS WORSE THEN HER ON THIS SITUATION).We walked to court together,discussing 'i'LL KEEP MY DRUMS,MY GUNS AND MY RECORD ALBUMS,YOU TAKE THAT PIECE OF JUNK VOLARE AND FURNITURE ETC...By the grace of God I will never have to be either the plantiff or defendant again! c'mon me,mental cruelty,I was never lucid enough to be mentally cruel :) :) I am able to laugh at that now,wasn't funny then...........Thank you dear God! Hang on Bill ,start sharpening up them spiritual principles ,gonna get a good workout..In support and prayer............
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Agree with Dean, here it is called Inreconsilable Differences, you can have all of what you wrote, and it would never be allowed in a court of law, at least here in the state of California,
Pad of Paper, list of assets and Liabilities, the later gets added, deducted from the Assets, and the then the Assets are divided 50/50, usually if real estate is involved and other assets, either party will take their fair share, a home is "bought out" from the other party, using their share of cash or assets, and the courts are very mindful of each party getting their share...... rarely does it really come into fuition that way, that is in the Books, but the common knowledge is one will try and get one over on the other, hide the assets, many times succeeding. So it might appear almost "too good to be true" on paper, but when you speak to someone that has just been through one, they were the "taker" or the one that was "taken to the cleaners",
But at least we attempt to put a pretty little bow on the top, and say our laws far outceed what other states and countries do.
Feel for you, and Divorce is not always a nightmare, only 75 percent of the time it might turn out that way. I have always admired so much the people that were good friends and remain good friends through a divorce. I dont know any. But I believe they do exist.
THIS TOO SHALL PASS is always what comes to mind. right now you might feel like a cat all tied up in yarn and cannot find your way out of it....pull one way and it gets tighter on the other side.
Ok, Philosophy 001 lesson for the day is now OVER,
Pray always for peace of mind for you. it will come, it is right around the corner, can you see it.....squint, dang I know it's there.
Bill, I guess the thing to keep in mind that this is her last chance to control you. Its sad, but when the lawyers get involved, it gets rough, but there is an end in sight. In the end you will dislike her, her lawyer and your lawyer, but outside of taking your savings and disappearing into the jungles in Ecuador, you have to sit through it and then......its over! You are free. Hang in there, keep in touch here and.........what ever Tonicakes said above. Except "Toodles". I never say that.
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
Getting your fair share is what's important and we hope that's the case, especially if your future finances are at stake. Sometimes... relationships don't work out and moving on is the only solution, so keep that in mind as this drama unfolds. We hope you settle this matter quickly, so you can move on past this awkward dilemma and do so without regret. Keep us close and your sober network closer as you close this chapter in your life and start anew -one day at a time.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Thursday 5th of May 2011 12:07:37 AM
One of the great lessons for me in the divorce experience, life isn't fair. But, what is fair anyway? Another ego concept. Nobody "wins" in divorce. Period. All experiences are just another spiritual opportunity, right?
During it all, I certainly asked for what I believed I would need to be okay in the future, I did have the belief that my Higher Power wanted me to take care of myself. When things didn't work out my way (and it seemed like none of it did) I didn't fight anymore, surrender felt like an act of courage. I believed HP knew I was too exhausted to keep fighting and would care for me anyway, without prolonging the torture of it all. I desperately wanted it to be over. I had a ridiculous attorney who would coach me for consultation one day, preparing me for a mediation meeting the next day to fight for this, this, this and this. Then the next day, when the mediator told me I was asking too much, my attorney readily agreed with him!!!!!! I later learned there was a political something-something on the horizon, he was probably schmoozing.... "Crazy" was everywhere. But that wasn't what it was all about. The experience was all about building a deep relationship with Higher Power. The breakdown of my marriage was obviously for my highest good. I learned to surrender outcomes and believe in the perfection of the Universe.
I was sooo fortunate, my sponsor and I would be on the phone praying together before and after all court appearances and mediation sessions. She would say a line of the step 3 prayer, and I would repeat... I'll never forget it.
At some point during the 5-month ordeal, it occurred to me that my husband was behaving this way because he was as afraid of his future, just as I was!! that was why he was being so nasty. This thought came to me during a morning meditation, and I suddenly felt enormous compassion for him. I began to pray for him after that. Which was very strange because this was not my idea of how divorce should go, LOL. But it felt so right. This is why meditation is such an important part of my recovery, it gets me out of Self. And I believe my husband felt the "Light," because things got easier after that. (This reminds me of page 552 in the BB.)
Anyway, I am eternally grateful for the AA fellowship because it constantly reminds me that I am a spiritual being having a human experience. If I don't stay in touch with the fellowship, I am lost. Your post helps me to remember that ((Bill)) Thank you so much for sharing your journey here.
-- Edited by gladlee on Thursday 5th of May 2011 08:37:46 AM
-- Edited by gladlee on Thursday 5th of May 2011 09:14:42 AM
rarely does it really come into fuition that way, that is in the Books, but the common knowledge is one will try and get one over on the other, hide the assets, many times succeeding. So it might appear almost "too good to be true" on paper, but when you speak to someone that has just been through one, they were the "taker" or the one that was "taken to the cleaners",