Hey, all! I am trying to figure out where the "no major changes in the first year" suggestion comes from. Is it in apporved literature? Other lit? Or just an informal slogan?
Also, have people experienced how "No major changes..." has become "No dating in the first year"??? Do people understand this this? I could use some help.
Fairly new to recovery, but my understanding of why this is suggested is that we go through so many changes in early recovery and we need to keep our focus on us, ourselves as an individual. If we change jobs, get in a relationship/married, get out of a relationship/divorced, have children, move, etc. we typically throw chaos on top of what is already chaos for most of us. I am currently on an emotionial roller coaster, up one day, down the next. Often I have people reminding me not to make any major life changes right now, that I need to focus on me and my sobriety. I am grateful for this suggestion, as there are days when I want to walk away from my 27 year marriage and my life as I know it. Although I don't know where this suggestion comes from, ie the BB, other AA literature, or just one of those things that gets passed along, for me it makes sense right now. And I need any and all sense I can get!!! (as long as it's good ) Peace.
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I asked God for all things that I may enjoy life. He gave me life so that I may enjoy all things.
In the big book and the 12x12 "change" is mentioned 39 times, "changes" 8 times, and "changed" 15 times. I could cut and paste, but that would take the fun out of it. The chapter to Agnostics, to the Employers and the appendicies all have references.
In my experience, getting sober is a MAJOR CHANGE. For myself, any everyone I've ever seen get sober.
"No Major Changes" must be from the treatment industries; it's not in any AA liturature that I can find. I looked.
"Holding Onto Our Old Ideas" (and why you might want to avoid that), certainly is in the liturature.
The info is there for everybody to read; my experience is working the steps will bring Major Change into every area of one's life.
-- Edited by Rainspa on Thursday 28th of April 2011 11:12:21 AM
The way it was presented to me was no major changes in the first 2 years of recovery with the intent that I learn to get my "thinker" in order and learn how to trust and rely most exclusively on the program and a relationship with powers greater than myself including God, my sponsor and the group. Attempting to make major changes on my own in defiance of the suggestion caused me untold amount of pain and frustrations.
It has been suggested to me also and I'll be honest I found it very good advice. I am going through enough upheaval without adding to it. I am in my second year of sobriety. I find that I really need to take my time with decisions and just to plain slow down. My thoughts are still racing, I jump from one thing or project to another and I still have a problem completing things so I really don't need to make life altering decision right now. Saying that I have experienced a lot of change without looking for it.
If your norm was to have a new relationship or to be in one all the time, wouldn't it be a major change to not be dating someone? I personally ended a relationship with another very sick alcoholic at the very same day as my day 1 of sobriety. It is funny to think how if I had gotten sober a day earlier the advice would then have been for me to stay with him right? Shrug. You gotta do what's right for you. "They" also say take what you want and leave the rest.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Bill recovered alcoholic. This is my experience not my opinion. Before I worked any steps ir even got a sponsor. I started school I. Got into a relationship and got her pregnant. By 9 months sober I was done running my own life . And I. Got to the turning point . And I turned. I excepted spiritual help. A man who did not even know me took time out of his busy day and after a couple hours. I was putting pen to paper . 6 days later I was on 10 11 12. Started making amends repairing the damage I gained acces to and formed a personal relationship with a god of my understanding. All major changes. My oldest son is going to be 19 in june that's years not months . I have a had great carrer from that school I went to. So here was the bottom line for me . Progress not perfection . No regrets I put these princibles and my recovery first . So I did what I wanted until I did what I had to . Once I found out that my problem was not the drinking or drugs but my thinking . And I was out of ideas. And hopeless and hopeless .God showed up . Again .
I think it comes from well meaning treatment centers. Not bad advice if you can do it. My sponsers told me do what ever you want to do, and do it for as long as you can stand it, but do the steps as soon as you can and get in the middle of AA so you can survive it. They knew the truth, that I was gonna do what ever I wanted to do any way, so many of us do " rebelion dogs every step of the way "
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Since it cost a lot to win, and even more to loose, you and me gotta spend some time just wondering what to choose.
Thanks everyone for your generous and thoughtful replies. People in early recovery get so much well-meaning and even sometimes contradictory advice, it can be hard to sort through. I guess "No major changes in the first year" is a piece of folk wisdom not from the AA literature. Of course, it makes sense, but can be hard to follow! :)
Any opinions on the advice to not start a new relationship or not date in the first year??????
Thanks everyone for your generous and thoughtful replies. People in early recovery get so much well-meaning and even sometimes contradictory advice, it can be hard to sort through. I guess "No major changes in the first year" is a piece of folk wisdom not from the AA literature. Of course, it makes sense, but can be hard to follow! :)
Any opinions on the advice to not start a new relationship or not date in the first year??????
MANY THANKS!!!!
Check out the coda board next door
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Since it cost a lot to win, and even more to loose, you and me gotta spend some time just wondering what to choose.
Hey NY Red--it is not a piece of "folk wisdom". It comes from the science-based treatment for addiction. It is now known that the "bottom line" reasons to "avoid major changes in the first year or two" are specific to (1) stabilizing in early recovery, i.e. attaining some BALANCE; (2) beginning lifestyle and self-care practices that help to prevent the initiation of the known relapse progression process, again, maintaining BALANCE, and (3) reducing our proclivity to introduce heavy-duty distractions at a phase when we most need to stay focused, and in BALANCE.
Research (science and psychology and medicine) into practices for effective treatment of addiction/alcoholism, indicate that major changes, especially relationships, also affect our stress levels, hormones, biochemistry etc. and, in the case of alcoholism especially, can disrupt our internal system in ways not conducive to sobriety--making us physically more vulnerable to cravings that appear to come out of the blue, and "stinking thinking" or symptoms of a "dry drunk" which are dangerous.
Again, it's all about balance. But as others have noted, it is NOT a concept that emerged from A.A. The information and advisement came about in the hey-day of best practices in treatment. Over time, ---like the telephone game---it has been twisted and turned into the "new" AA-speak that unfortunately-and unintentionally-garbles a lot of good and sound principles of treatment into distorted and fragmented bits and pieces that lack proper context. The relationship thing is not really about "must-must not"--it is really about maintaining balance within one's program to recover from these dreadful disorders that wreck our lives.
Fairly new to recovery, but my understanding of why this is suggested is that we go through so many changes in early recovery and we need to keep our focus on us, ourselves as an individual. Throwing chaos on top of what is already chaos for most of us is not good, especially if we're on an emotionial roller coaster, up one day, down the next. Often I have people reminding me not to make any major life changes right now, that I need to focus on me and my sobriety. Although I don't know where this suggestion comes from, ie the BB, other AA literature, or just one of those things that gets passed along, for me it makes sense right now. I need any and all sense I can get!!! (as long as it's good ) Peace.
) Peace.