For me I find the healthiest most balanced recovery ( once sober and clean ) when I don't "hide" behind the term alcoholism. It's so easy for me to justify behaviour by saying to myself " Oh , I did that because I'm an alcoholic and thats what alcoholics do, thats how we are it's part of the disease". But really my truth has always been that what I "do" as an alcoholic in the disease , is drink, ...............................thats it .........................drink, and obsess about drinking.
Once I came into recovery and worked the steps and the compulsion and the mental obsession to drink were removed I joined the human race and am subject to the same laws of being and living that everyone else is. I was seperate and different from the human race when I was in active addiction , I don't do well when I create justifications for my behaviour that I can lump into a parcel and label it ALL as (((((( alcoholism )))))))).
All humans suffer from Ego ( self will run riot ) , all humans suffer from fear, anger , resentment and anger at times.
Once sober , I'm just a human being trying to live as good as I can given where I am at at any given point in time. I don't want to be different and label my behaviour with justifications and disease labels. That way I can take full responsiblity for my actions not blame any person place or thing. It's a great program and it produces miracles. I love everything about this life in AA.
Jamie keep working the program and gaining on your spiritual recovery and you will hear your God tell you you're more than a mere human. I get your message cause I've been in that area also. After working on the relationship with HP the feedback is much more uplifting.
All my life I prayed to me normal...then I drank cuz I didn't feel normal. Like you, I feel it is a blessing (most of the time) to now be ordinary. In essense, it's all I ever wanted, but it kept eluding me.
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
One of the biggest gifts I got from my HP by working the steps was being "average", "normal" etc, being "special" is just too much work and is nothing but ego anyway
I agree with you wholeheartedly Jamie, I am not "in recovery" or "sick" but I am "recovered" for that very reason, I have a disease I keep in remission by following a few simple rules
my "disease" isn't out in the parking lot doing push ups as I huddle with a group of frightened people as we talk about our "sickness" and "disease" but instead I am happy, joyous and free, and any shortcomings I have are my responsibility not "my disease", and this was the DIRECT result of working the steps with a sponsor, Today I don't suffer from untreated alcoholism, that's actually the nice thing about being an alcoholic, we never do have a choice when it comes to alcohol, when untreated my "no-choice" is I am going to drink regardless of how I feel about it or whether or not I want to, but when treated, as long as I follow a simple rules, I still don't have a choice, I couldn't drink even if I wanted to, I recoil as if from a hot flame...I could no more put alcohol in my system then I could pour gasoline down my throat
-- Edited by LinBaba on Wednesday 27th of April 2011 09:53:48 PM
__________________
it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
You guys are tough, I don't have the "I was drunk excuse" anymore, and now I can't use the "It's because I'm an alcoholic excuse" anymore ???
Good point Jamie, I even get tired of the reasons people give for becoming alcoholic....genetics, dysfunctional home, I'm Irish, Indian, Australian...whatever.
I think it's important to come to the realization we just drank too much too long too often, take responsibility for our sickness and we can move on and take responsibility for our recovery and future actions.
Peace,
__________________
Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
For me I find the healthiest most balanced recovery ( once sober and clean ) when I don't "hide" behind the term alcoholism. It's so easy for me to justify behaviour by saying to myself " Oh , I did that because I'm an alcoholic and thats what alcoholics do, thats how we are it's part of the disease". But really my truth has always been that what I "do" as an alcoholic in the disease , is drink, ...............................thats it .........................drink, and obsess about drinking.
Once I came into recovery and worked the steps and the compulsion and the mental obsession to drink were removed I joined the human race and am subject to the same laws of being and living that everyone else is. I was seperate and different from the human race when I was in active addiction , I don't do well when I create justifications for my behaviour that I can lump into a parcel and label it ALL as (((((( alcoholism )))))))).
All humans suffer from Ego ( self will run riot ) , all humans suffer from fear, anger , resentment and anger at times.
Once sober , I'm just a human being trying to live as good as I can given where I am at at any given point in time. I don't want to be different and label my behaviour with justifications and disease labels. That way I can take full responsiblity for my actions not blame any person place or thing. It's a great program and it produces miracles. I love everything about this life in AA.
Jamie :)
We're all works in progress...thanks for reminding me of that.
I am so grateful to everyone who has shared on this thread especially for the joy it brings me to see members celebrating being balanced and having recovered not being recover"ing" to me that encompasses an attitude of personal responsiblity and a testament to the miraculous nature of our wonderful program. Amen.
Kind regards Jamie :)
-- Edited by Jamie D on Thursday 28th of April 2011 01:54:10 AM
Every word all so very true, no longer have excuses.
That's what I did in my drinking days, Thank God they are with God's help all behind me.
But what came to mind was something I sort have had in my thinking occasionally is when in the clutches of this life or death disease, and in the clutches, what I meant by that, in vague recall is when I no longer had a choice, drank 24/7 black out drunk, resembled more like one of those Pavillion animals, written about those labratory rats, that if they have a choice for either life sustaining food and water, they would choose Heroin, until their death....i never used Heroin, but the same could be said for the grim clutches of one of those later stages, ( in my opinion) a drunk that looked like a sick human being, but I do recall never ever feeling human, the only thing that was my Constant thinking, how will I get my next bottle, exactly like those lab rats...waiting for my next blakout so I could find oblivion and rest til I did it again.
Thanks to GOD, I have been feeling like a real human being, for a long while now, and accoutable for all my actions, just not some of them.
Great Post Jamie, so now that memory I think is cleared out of my memory back, or perhaps I need to hold onto the memory for good reason.
Toodles, good to see you Posting and sharing so much.
Tonicakes
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-- Edited by Just Toni on Saturday 30th of April 2011 09:00:27 PM
