I don't know if I have a problem. I drink a lot. I'll admit it. A few times a week. I find myself wanting to escape or have fun. I drink both socially and on occasion alone. I don't always get drunk.. I've even taken percecet to feel good (thats new but not often) I dont drink if i have to work next day or if i have school. Sometimes I feel dependent though and that scares me. My father I think is an alcoholic. My mother was an addict with pain killers. I'm scared I might follow.
I don't know if I have a problem. I drink a lot. I'll admit it. A few times a week. I find myself wanting to escape or have fun. I drink both socially and on occasion alone. I don't always get drunk.. I've even taken percecet to feel good (thats new but not often) I dont drink if i have to work next day or if i have school. Sometimes I feel dependent though and that scares me. My father I think is an alcoholic. My mother was an addict with pain killers. I'm scared I might follow.
The first clue is that people who are not alcoholic dont wonder if they are. We who are trully alcoholic wonder because deep down I know that the only time I have ever felt normal and comfortable in my own skin is when I have a few drinks in me. But because of the physical alergey to alcohol I cant stop at a few, I always go too far, I have no control. Not because I'm bad, or have no will power, but because the physical allergey shows up in what is called " the phenominon of caving ". There are 40 questions that AA has in pamflets you could get at the meetings, but I like the only two questions I needed to answer it for myself. They come right out of our text book, and the two questions are......
# 1... If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, #2... or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer.
I hope this helps you and that if you find out you are an alcoholic, you keep coming back for your new life.
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Since it cost a lot to win, and even more to loose, you and me gotta spend some time just wondering what to choose.
I had a hard time in early sobriety, especially when they talked about 'powerlessness' and how alcoholics can in no way control their drinking. I guess that made sense, except for the moderation part. Why can't I have a drink from time to time? Is that too much to ask? That's how I shared in meetings, back when, before my many relapses and those words that summed up my feelings -at the time- was the denial based rationale I used to justify my drinking. That's why the doors of AA swing both ways; and until I grasped the concept of 'powerlessness', I would continue to be a revolving door member of this fellowship for many years to follow.
I had more attempts at getting sober -back when- than most people my age with similar results. I could never get past the first step. There were no doubts about my drinking and how unmanageable my life had become. There were lurking suspicions, however, to the extent of my drinking and whether I crossed that line into active alcoholism or not. That question was answered many years later as I found myself reaching out for the bottle more and more- to quell my anxieties, instead of the much needed support that was available to me through my family and friends. This was my dropping off point and where -I felt- my disease had to go before I accepted help.
My disease had to go through the rigors of denial and withdrawal before there was any hope of recovery. The timing of my meltdown was crucial and by the 'Grace of God' became the springboard to my recovery that has stood the test of time for 9+ years now. When I get hungry, angry, lonely or tired and feel there is no way out of my situation other than picking up a drink, I begin to reflect -once again- on what life was like before sobriety and what life is like now; then somehow, someway, the thought of that drink fades from my memory as the prospect of a better life in sobriety- becomes apparently clear -once again. Thanks be to God.......
Keep hoping, Keep praying and keep believing in miracles until you become one yourself.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Tuesday 26th of April 2011 01:10:40 AM
If it bothers you then stop. You know with your genetic background you are playing with fire. If you cant stop for long periods of time, then you have a problem to face.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Welcome Cari. I hope you continue to share with us here. For me; my alcohol use became a mental obession or pre-occupation. I thought about it often and usually planned my day around using it. Once I had the first drink- I didn't know when I was going to stop. A physical compulsion. I didn't realize until I worked recovery that I suffered from a Spiritual diesase. My thinking was not normal. Alcoholism is a mental, physical and spiritual diesase. I also come from an Alcoholic family. There's reserch that reveals Alcoholism is genetically based.
I drank to make me feel good, comfortable and to seek relief. I drank for a purpose, not for the taste. The problem is; it stopped working for me. I didn't get relief and felt even more uncomfortable with myself and live. I pursued it harder and the real troubles began to mount. Alcoholism is a progressive diesase and alcohol use is but a symptom of underlying problems.
Thank you for the post. You helped me stay sober today.
