How about some discussion about how we rise above what drags us down?
What do YOU do, of a practical, results-oriented, nature, to actualize the Steps in difficult situations/emotions/thoughts/actions--especially #11--when the daily grind, or a major life trauma, is threatening your core, foundational, serenity, or reactivating a previously controlled depression/anxiety etc. into a serious flare up?
I mean BEYOND the basic essentials of "don't drink, go to meetings, read the book, call your sponsor". I use meditation, prayer, journaling, therapy, proper medication as directed, and all the usual and known tools in our arsenal---but sometimes I think I must be missing something, because sometimes it just seems so hard-just "breathe, breathe, breathe" all the time. Maybe it's just a post-anniversary back-to-earth slump, but lately I am just kinda feeling very worn down-a dangerous place to slip-slide into and a progression to be headed off ASAP!
I Hear ya...) I feel the same at times, then I ask God to help me stop thinking.in an meditative Step 11..and sometimes He puts me in a state of what feels like sort of transending over and above what is going on in my life right now, the Spiritual over the physical body....well sometimes.
But when I was reading your Post, what popped out at me, especially since you were speaking of your Post Anniversary trip, was maybe you are having a strong wave of Grief.. It can come on so powerfully, and since you are seeing therapist you might want to ask...well if you think that has some merit.
Tell us what is going on in your life, you said it was still snowing and it is Spingtime.....no doubt that means lots of grey skies, no sun. That anticipation of Spring and when it does not show up can really put a lot of people in a in-consolable funk, waiting.
I was just in a really good meditation and had some of the good stuff come through so I feel good to share. I hear many people say in meetings " I can't put anything ahead of my sobriety or I'll loose it". But for me and I'm only talking for me it's my conscious contact with God that I can't put anything ahead. My sobriety as in "not drinking "is a product of that conscious contact. All the actions that I put in are good only if they are keeping my conscience clear and clean and opening the channel to God.
For example, people say " meetings meetings meetings " and true meetings are good but if I go to a meeting and I leave a grievance with my wife unattended before I go to that meeting the meeting will have no effect on connecting me consciously because I'll have this issue with my wife cutting me off. So what I am saying is that sometimes putting in a program action, praying , meetings, talking on the phone for me can be the easier softer way, when saying sorry to someone which ego doesn't want me to do, is the thing I'm avoiding, and the very thing I need to do to get my conscious contact back. So I suppose what I say to myself is " Nothing is more important than my conscious contact with God, Nothing , not a thought not a resentment nor pride nor fear, nothing as long as I have that I'm going to be okay no matter what.
The other thing that came to me when listening to God in my meditation this morning is that when I turn my will and my life over to God , it's my way of saying " I love you too".
How do we deal with the frustrations of life in a practical yet no-nonsense way? Good question. The principle of step 11 sums it up brilliantly and goes something like this: "When we get a glimpse of God's will for our lives, when we see that love, truth and justice are the real and eternal things in life, we are no longer deeply disturbed by the seeming evidence to the contrary that surrounds us in purely human affairs". Wow...what a revelation.
Disturbances...where to they originate from and what's the reason behind these annoyances? Good question. There seems to be so many troubling scenarios nowadays yet so few opportunities to practice those time-tested "AA" principles of ours, especially when the problems continue to evolve 'dramatically' over time. So where do we begin? Good question. The only answer that should suffice for now is the one that most people don't want to hear and for good reason; the originator and co-conspirator of these minor inconveniences is no other than almighty God himself -go figure. Here's an example...
I recently found myself walking around the corridors of the local hospital searching for answers to one of life's most baffling questions as a good friend of mine lay dying in his bed from cancer. This man had never smoked nor drank and was in the best shape of his life and had the no-how and credentials to prove it. He was a doctor himself and served as an ambassador for the sick for so long that his resume bled benevolence, until he found out he had cancer himself. How did he react? Well...it wasn't as I had imagined. This is what he said and Im quoting here: "The suffering I'm currently going through is never in vain but for the glory of God and the work he has birthed in me is not finished -not just yet". Wow...what a wonderful relief it must be to know who's in charge and it's certainly not us.
If I'm confronted with a similar scenario (in sobriety) and had the courage to face those fears with the same reassurance that God himself would never allow anything that profound to impact my life without an escape clause -as it did my friend- than everything would be rosy -wouldn't it. I don't have that courage -at least I don't think so, but one thing is abundantly clear and that is this: there's a time and season for everything and everything has a purpose and for a reason. There's a time to muster up the strength to fight those urges that trip up us from time to time and there's a time to let go and let God instead -as my friend did. The choice is inevitably up to you.
My problems, pale in comparison to my friends and can cause some serious emotional upheavals at times but nothing can take me hostage, like my disease did -for far too long, unless I allow it too. My emotional upheavals are a tell tale sign of my fears and struggles. When I struggle, I must find the root cause of my worries and rightfully so. I must dig down deep and surrender my impulses to control the things that are out of my domain -to fix. I must be given the courage to change the things I can and surrender the things I can't -so my higher power can. This is how I "let go and let God".
There are hard instances where fate (the God factor) has the ultimate decision in defining our destinies and controlling a certain outcome that is not ours for the asking. I get overworked and angry at times when the pressures of life become too much to bear even though God will have the final say. The waiting period, is a transitional phase from the moment we feel afflicted to the moment God says -It is finished. That's when we can finally say 'wow...what a revelation'.
Revealing his purpose for our lives is the key to our future and the waiting game isn't always easy but allowing the process to unfold on his timing not ours is worth the wait -one day at a time. Don't fret leeu and don't allow your sobriety to suffocate at the hands these emotions, give them up to God instead, then go your merry way until he says...it is finished.
~God bless~
P.S. My friend has since passed away but his legacy remains. There was an endowment fund set up in his name to help alleviate some the struggles of life -thanks be to God.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Sunday 24th of April 2011 07:17:56 PM
I was taught and then taught to practice a mindset of "Happy, Joyous and Free". I know the difference and I don't accept or like it...the difference is a lost planet for me and my soul/spirit...foreign land and if I get there I rush back to "Happy, Joyous and Free".
I've never considered myself a person who was easy to take out and take down and/or someone who would just "roll over" to any power and control. Personality assessment says I am an oppositional/defiant individual and the elders in my recovery and my counselors taught me to apply that to the disease and how it attempts to take me down and take me out. I don't go easy or quietly and prefer to remain in the consequences of sobriety. "Nothing has the power to overcome my spiritual balance, peace of mind and serenity without my permission." I ain't going or going easily and if I find myself there...I'm not staying for very long.
It's a mind set followed with practice. (((hugs)))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Sunday 24th of April 2011 07:13:20 PM
My first sponsor would often say, "the closer we get to God, the harder our disease will have to work." To nearly every problem I had, she would remind me that there is only one solution. "Get with God," she would say.
In prayer recently, I just acknowledged, "there is unhappiness in me." It was the truth, it was practicing acceptance. And that seemed to diminish some of the fear that something is "wrong." God knows, my ego loves to create problems. I try not to be so adversarial with God anymore (like I was in early sobriety) but, I can still be honest... " there is unhappiness in me. Please help."
I was taught that when I struggle to make conscious contact, I have to back up to step 10, take personal inventory and discover my part. Keeping in mind, it is impossible for me to be separated from Higher power. Impossible. However... I can deny it. That is my part.
For me, I have to make the time to be with Higher Power, I need to make an effort. Nature is the best medicine for me, I need to walk under a wide-open sky and be among the trees. I need to see sun-sparkles on water. There, I can abandon myself completely. Get quiet. Get still. And wait.
Hey Lee,good to see ya..I also have to constantly reflect on whats going on inside with me.I am my own worst "man in the box"..I have totally found that by doing my daily spiritual readings( readings of others who have struggled as much or more so than me and continued in their faith beliefs)and constantly reminding myself of how grateful I am to be able to "partake in life" compared to just being here and working in an environment of others who have many more struggles than I do(facility for people with disabilities) helps to snap me out of my head..Somedays I do grow weary and think Im tired of this but I know that is my illness "always lurking"Another thing that helps me is talking with another who is also in a "traffic jam" and we share as best we can with each other(a sponsee.an H&I meeting calling someone(very hard for me as I am a recluse)3rd and 11th ,all day ,everyday somwewhere along the lines gets me out of the funk..Even though I do need others,I find a lot of solace in "alone time" so some days wives,kids,jobs,meetings,band practice,running,gym,sometimes put me in that self arranged situation of "I have no time for me.me,me,me!!!!By sharing my feelings though does help a lot....I feel sometimes that God is watching me twitch and waiting patiently for me to surrender once again to feel the calm!!When I do ,im good when I don't sky's the limit on the funk I can produce in myself!!!No doubt a work in progress,but sometimes the building dont go up fast as I would like it to......practice,practice!! Peace my friend!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Trust God, clean house and help others. That's what we say isn't it. I'm a bit short on faith these days, there's only just enough to keep me sober. I'm doing a lot of house cleaning, because I keep laying my problems at God's feet, then taking them back and making a mess. But I can do the help others things.
my nephew has treated his girlfriend cruelly, dumped her with no warning after 2 years and run off on holiday.
as a friend sent me this I posted it on to her:
Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope;where there is darkness, light and where there is sadness, joy. O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;to be understood as to undeerstand; to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive,; it is in pardoning we are pardoned and it is in dying that we are reborn to eternal life anew. Amen.
She just messaged me her thanks. and just writing this to her helped me beyond measure because I have to follow my own suggestions. Nobody dies of a broken heart, it just feels like it.
So I helped others and it takes the focus off me and my problems. and my faith that things are just as they are meant to be, for a reason that I don't know and don't need to know has been topped up a little bit. and i've made amends to 2 people I verbally abused on friday night. the amends to my ex wife will come later. Cleaning House.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Exercise, exercise, exercise. It makes a huge difference in one's outlook, even if it's just walking a few miles a day.
I also spend as much time as possible talking to close friends, other alcoholics, and newcomers, especially about their own problems. Really gets me out of my own head.
How about some discussion about how we rise above what drags us down? 