Just a bit of an update, it's 37 days sober & I feel fine.
What i've been procrastinating is going to a meeting, I know what awaits me there....acceptance & fellowship. I think that could be my fear--does that make any sense?
This is an excuse, but I live in a very small southern town, everyone talks...i don't feel ashamed or anything, I've even shared my past with a few people here, but I just choose to avoid that right now. I kinda like being by myself & giving myself the freedom to "feel" things that I haven't been able to.
I've worked & lived in this town for three years so I pretty much know everyone now. I just don't want to have to "deal" with it right now.
There are other meetings in neighboring towns, & I've pretty much sampled all of them, AA or Al-Anon. That may be an option for me, to go out of town.
I'd like to think I'll get there in my own time. Right now, just isn't the right time--for me.
Any thoughts would be appreciated. I'm facing a blockade here....lol.
Why can't I do it? I know I'm fooling myself again....I KNOW I should just go & take it as it goes, why am I finding it so hard to do?
"We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely."
You're in my thoughts, CAM.
Much love
Doll
-- Edited by Doll at 22:51, 2005-09-26
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
Christine,Dolls quote from the Big Book says it all. If you want the full benefit of the program you must go to AA meetings, the first step is always the hardest, but I don't think you will regret it if you go to a meeting in your hometown.
We are here for you and congratulations on 37 days sober !
Always remember that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks of you and it takes a MUCH stronger person to seek recovery than someone who continues to deny their problems. The fact that you recognize and want to overcome your issues is more than most people can do who aren't even alcoholics.
My prayers are with you and also remember that you may feel at times you are alone because of the changes you are making in your life. However, this is NEVER the case, as God is always by your side waiting for you to open up to Him completely. As is this board of members who offer experience, hope, and love to get you through.
Just a suggestion--Go to the out of town meeting--NOW--Then you can try in town. I live in a small village and I went to the meeting and was suprised who was there at times.
i agree with Rick...go to the out of town ones at least for now
what have you got to lose??
they say they will refund your misery if it doesn't work for you
the trick is you gotta work it, no one can do it for you
hey Doll??..i was told.....
any thing after BUT is bullshit...
the time is right, now
no time like the present
face the fear...and do it anyway
or keep on telling yourself...i don't want acceptance, i don't want people in my life that truly understand me....i don';t want to learn...i don't want to grow...blah, blah, blah...
or even better, and easier
go to the in town one
the easier, softer way...is AA
for me it is anyway
you don't HAVE to do it the hard way...by yourself
If you know anything about me at all you know that I am probably the biggest advocate of meetings there is here. Why?? Because they saved my life. I needed to get to the meetings and get known by the people there, cause when the S**T hit the fan I needed to know there was a safe place to go, an understanding ear I could call, and a warm sponsor to get a hug from.
I heard a speaker say once that there is a small window of time between our realization that we are powerless over alcohol and the time that those little voices start to tell us we can handle "just one". If we don't get in there during that time frame and start getting known by the group, finding a sponsor and starting the steps, and learning how to deal with life on life's terms without drinking, we are much more likely to go out and drink again. It is not a matter of will-power...we myy not drink but we will be miserable.
So get to the meetings. Go to the in town, the out of town, whatever. It doesn't really matter where you go or who you may see there. Do you think that the people in town don't know you're a drunk? If you are any thing like I was...they already know. And the alcoholics that you see that already may know you are gonna say this...we've been waiting for you to make it back, Welcome.
