Hi I just need someone to talk to right now. I don't know where to begin. Ever since I was 17 I wanted to be a bartender. I was one on and off I am 25 now. I began partying with high school friends my junior year. I was 15 or16.
I buy beautiful cocktail dresses... For when I go to places to drink.
I have pretty much only made money from the drink industry.
I think I plan my life so I can drink and party and sit on the beach all day.
I fight with my bf I just moved in with. I get mean and I'm overly sensitive.
I am surrounded by people who condone my behavior. No one thinks I have a problem but me, so it keeps going on.
I got a DUI a week or two ago. I laughed it off and only felt remorse for 2 minutes. I laughed it off saying ugh I blew a .105 from two cocktails and I was barely drunk.
The truth is I had more than 2 cocktails. I had at least 5. From 1030 pm to 1 am. And I considered myself not drunk.
I just am realizing my not well way of thinking. I thought seriously about aa for the first time I think 4 years ago.
When i was 17 I thought martini glasses were so elegant and fun.
I've always wanted to be that fun party girl. I used to measure how much the guy I was dating liked me by how many espresso martinis he bought me.
I don't know if me realizing I may be an alcoholic is just an excuse my stupid brain has made up for feeling like such a failure. I failed out of college my freshman/ sophomore year. Because I was out partying and couldn't wake up to attend my morning classes.
I'm lazy. I have no idea how my exes and currant bf put up with me. I don't understand why they do can they not get someone better than me?
Sorry this is long and unorganized and isn't even the half of it. I just am realizing this now and needed some place to say it.
Yes. You are in the right place. Yes, that is similar to my story from age 15 to 25... I wish I had gotten sober sooner. I did feel empty and like a big washed up loser. AA was the change in thinking I needed. I needed to grow up more than anything, and AA was the place for me to do it.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Welcome to MIP !! I would highly suggest you find some AA meetings in your area and go to a few meetings.
See if you can relate to any one there, identify with others who share ...
Obtain a copy of our text called the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and read it, from page 1 at least thru the first 164 pages. Read it more than once.
Welcome Sunny! Nice to have you here. Sounds like a familiar spot. I was in that spot also at your age. I had to go out and do more research for another 10+ years in order for me to surrender and be willing to do anything about my life and situation. Not recommended by the way; just my story. Keep posting here and maybe try a meeting or two and see what's revealed.
Sunny, welcome! You are exactly where you should be at this time. I'm glad you are here. I used to be just like you, and I'm so excited that you might be one of the lucky ones, one who stops before losing everything... This disease is progressive, it doesn't get better, but always worse.
It's awesome that you have come to realize you have a problem, and that you're seeking answers/support at 25. I wish I had stopped the insanity at that age, I went on eleven years longer than you. What I reasoned used to be "just a fun party lifestyle" became my everything, and took me down to the lowest self esteem of my life. I was fading from my own existence and didn't care. In the end I lost all my "friends" as my drinking surpassed theirs and eventually started drinking alone, hiding it, trying to control it, rationalizing it, "oh I had a bad day," or "Oh I had a GREAT day and deserve to celebrate!" ...or I'd lie to myself like you did, "Oh I only had a couple..." yeah, right. Normal people don't drink like this. This is alcoholic drinking and thinking.
I came into AA a skeptic, but stuck it out, eager for some sort of solution, and a solution i did find! I am amazed to have a life better than I could ever have imagined, a strong faith, self worth and self esteem, and I love myself. I never did before...I drank very self-destructively...and chose to surround myself with people who treated me like crap. Like you, I put myself down, called myself stupid, lazy, worthless. Now I have tools to live my life and have grown up! I am happy with one day at a time living, and now have the true friendships that I always wanted...and so many real friends I cannot count! These are people who love me AS I AM, and don't require anything in return. Interestingly, I find myself giving to others, caring about others, sharing the message. I have learned how to be a better me...the me that God wanted me to be.
Take it easy! Just try a meeting or two, talk to some people, give this thing a try, and I believe you will be amazed at what your life can become. Sincerely welcome, and congratulations for beginning on your new journey~ YOU DESERVE THIS...and if you don't believe it yet, act as if. Let us love you until you can love yourself. ~Heather
Welcome Sunny! Nice to have you here. Sounds like a familiar spot. I was in that spot also at your age. I had to go out and do more research for another 10+ years in order for me to surrender and be willing to do anything about my life and situation. Not recommended by the way; just my story. Keep posting here and maybe try a meeting or two and see what's revealed.
Research! Heh! That sounds pretty familiar. I was 25 when I realised I had a very big problem but I spent the next 14 years trying to deal with it in my way, and it cost me almost everything. I wouldn't recomend following in my footsteps either (except the bit where I went to AA).
Thank you guys so so much for the open welcoming. Reading everyones comments and seeing how it's happened to others and how you guys overcame/ trying is making me want to be a better person for myself. I started therapy today and I can see it's going to be helpful, I had a different form of therapy yesterday that was amazing and my big hurdle is trying to get my live in boyfriend to talk with me about what's going through my life right now. He has alcoholic tendencies... Maybe this is something we can over come together and maybe it's not I will look forward to coming and reading everything on this board thank you guys again:)
