Is there a middle ground?

ratdog113 · Newbie

Is there a middle ground?

Mr_David · MIP Old Timer

Welcome...Leslie, we're glad you're here.

There was no middle ground for me. Alcohol had such a grip on my life that the words "in moderation" never really applied. I guess, the prospect of having "One drink" around the holidays is okay -for some people- but not for alcoholics -like myself. The only option for me was to discard any notion about "drinking responsibly" and start living a sober life instead.

You said and I'm quoting here: "I sit at work all day counting the minutes until I can go home and start drinking". That sounds familiar...and I know why. I too, had those urges; where the thought of my next drink consumed everything, especially my thinking. I did not have to wait until the weekend to get my drink on, because I felt compelled to drink every day. My drinking progressed, from having a pint on weekdays -after work- to having a pint with my cereal in the morning -to quell those awful shakes. Eventually, I had to quit my job, because it interfered with my drinking. I think you get the point...by now. If alcohol hasn't reared its ugly side by now, eventually...it will -just give it time.

My journey into AA was not unique and certainly wasn't as dramatic as others. What attracted me the most, other than the prospect of lasting sobriety, was the stories of recovery and the camaraderie -I felt- within the AA fellowship. I never had to look back at all those shameful metaphors that defined my drinking. I knew there was a solution to my dilemma and alcohol wasn't it. I began the sobering up process, which has encompassed more than 9 years now -one day at a time. I wish everyone has the opportunity to experience the blessings afforded to recovering alcoholic's -like myself. Anyone can recover and start living that purpose filled existence that defines who we really are. All we have to do is follow a few simple suggestions. I pray for all people who suffer from this disease, and ask my higher power to help them with the healing process; so they can start to enjoy life as it was meant to be -one day at a time.

~God Bless~

-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 8th of April 2011 02:03:02 AM

-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 8th of April 2011 02:11:37 AM

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Frodo · MIP Old Timer

Middle ground? If you are an alcoholic then no. You don't get to set the limits in that case. It tells you how it wants things to work.

If you are just a big drinker without the disease then maybe but I don't know much about that side of things.

You won't be living life like you came back from a funeral if you use the AA program though. It's quite the opposite actually and to my surprise. I'm having a ton more fun than I ever did when I was drinking and it costs a hell of a lot less (in many ways).

redtara · Member

If your an alcoholic, and I would bet you are or you wouldn't be on this forum, then there is no middle ground. If your an alcoholic, you have a progressive disease. It doesn't get better and you cannot control it's progress. 15 percent of an alcoholic's problem lies in the actual drinking and physiological genetic response. The other 85 percent of the problem is the in way we think.
We change our thinking by establishing the steps in our lives.
You can check out some meetings -there are often young people's meetings and you can possibly connect with someone who's got good sobriety closer to your age. Coming to the forum is a great first step.
I played around with alcohol for so long that it was only by a miracle that I got into the rooms and am still working the program today. It truly is a cunning, baffling, and powerful disease.
It's also a family disease and chances are your mom,dad,or grandparents drank.
Good luck to you and may you be the next miracle. And remember "the only requirement of AA membership is a desire to stop drinking."
We'll be here when you think your ready to stop drinking.

Klaatu · Senior Member

Welcome to MIP Leslie. I think you'll find this place is full of loving, caring people that really do care and want to help. Lot's of good stuff already posted, but I had a few things I wanted to throw out there. First of all, people without serious drinking problems, or those who are NOT alcoholics rarely (VERY rarely) worry about their drinking habits. I've never met anyone without a problem who sits around afraid that they might be an alcoholic (and trust me, there are MUCH worse things to be!). I remember the day's sitting around thinking "maybe, just MAYBE I may have a problem, but surely I'm not an alcoholic. Well, several years of hell and lost houses, jobs, trucks, and family I realized that I indeed was (and always will be) an alcoholic. I was shattered, but hopeful that there was a solution. I discovered that one of the things that was causing me to drink was the "all or nothing" way of thinking. Let me ask you this... does alcohol serve a purpose for you OTHER than getting a buzz or drunk? When you see someone walk away from the table or bar leaving half a drink do you think, "what a waste"? There are 2 very distinct traits to the disease that don't occur in people without the disease of addiction; obsession and compulsion. You've already admitted to being obsessed when it comes to alcohol, the compulsion part comes in when we are compelled to take a drink (un-manageability). Once we get rid of the obsession, the compulsion goes away all on it's own. Drinking and getting drunk is NOT our problem, it is a symptom of the disease of alcoholism. Simply taking the drink away does nothing to get to the root of the true problem...in my case the problem is me.

Why not try a meeting or two, and listen with an open mind. You don't have to speak or admit to being an alcoholic, simply tell them it's your first meeting and see how it goes. You may hear a story similar to yours, and it may give you a new perspective on what alcoholism really is. When I first went to a meeting I wasn't ready. I still hadn't lost anything. 5 years later I lost it all, several times over. A person doesn't have to wait to get to the very bottom before deciding to make a change. For me, there is, and never was any middle ground. For me it's still all or nothing. Today, it's all recovery and nothing to drink!

Keep coming back!

Brian

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-- Edited by Klaatu on Friday 8th of April 2011 11:46:32 AM

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Aloha Leslie and welcome. I'm glad you looked in on us because it helps me to remember where I came from, what I found out and what it is like for me today. I come from where you come from and I needed to find out more and part of that process was college studing alcoholism and substance abuses. I wasn't alcoholic and didn't know what that was. I listened to others like those who have come forward here and did that with an open mind. I couldn't focus on stopping...just learning and one of the many many things I learned was that alcoholism is a fatal disease...You have heard it is progressive and that progression moves toward insanity and death. I can see some of your rationalizations here in favor of the chemical which is a mind and mood altering chemical. It is not a food/health source, in fact it is the opposite. Alcoholism is a compulsion of the mind and an allergy of the body. It is also an obsession and therefore the alcoholic looses the ability to choose when to drink...the disease makes the choice for the alcoholic.

The Chinese have a saying about alcoholism...First the man takes a drink...then the drink takes a drink...then the drink takes the man. Kinda sort of fit for you? It did for me so profoundly.

I'm only 24. I don't want to stop being able to have a beer or glass of wine here and there, a drink when we go out to dinner, a few drinks on holidays or get-togethers with the family or whatever. I just know I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and it worries me that I depend on it so much, that I want it so badly, that if I don't drink at night I can't get to sleep. I need help.... but I'm not ready to get 100% sober. Is there a way to drink like a normal, non-addicted person?

Try reading that as if someone else wrote it and see what impression it makes on you and what you might respond to them. It is your truth...read it again and again until it becomes highly contrasted as to how much of a problem it is now. It does and will get worse as you continue to drink.

Keep coming back here and speaking up about it and stick around and listen with an open mind...For me there is no middle ground and I don't know any "normal" drinkers other than those who normally drink to excess.

((((hugs)))) smile

LinBaba · MIP Old Timer

No

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hi leslie, the middle qround is qettinq sober early before "all score cards read zero". That wonderful husband isn't qoinq to stick around when it's qets uqly, and it will. At 24 I was tryinq to liqhten up and once in awhile tryinq to quit altoqether. At 27, my son was born and I qot serious about qettinq sober. From that point it took 2 more years. At 29, I'd lost a lot. A qreat job, marriaqe over, charqed with 2 DUIs, best friend died (OD'd)... Al of the sudden there was just me and my uqly friend alcoholism. After sobriety, I was able to start my own business (ultimate freedom). At 3 years sober met my current wife (of 18 years). I've had a really fabulous life by anyone's standards. I look back on my drinkinq career and it was like a bad movie that happened to someone else. Which kinds of qoes alonq with the allusion that I was under while drinkinq. Since beinq sober, I've been able to qo anwhere, and do anythinq that I ever wanted to do.

cooncatbob · Senior Member

If you're a real alcoholic like me, then every time I said I would only have 1 or 2 drinks I ended up have 6+ and getting black out drunk.
Real alcoholics like me have no control, once we start drinking we never know where we will end up.
If you can control your drinking then you're probably not a real alcoholic

Guelph_Doug · Member

i honestly have to say that alcohol was not my primary problem, but in sobriety i have come to realize that it will always be the first step of a journey back to active addiction.

i drank to get drunk years before i (blank) to get high, and that started a process of self-destruction that i am only finally starting to deal with. it is no accident that NA says "alcohol is a drug"

you are 24, i am 54, try to live those years that i chose to squander .