One of my favorite all time books about a spiritual path is "A Path With Heart" by Jack Kornfield, he was a college student in the sixties who came from a "good family" his father was a biophysicist who developed artificial hearts and artificial lungs, worked on the space program, and taught in medical schools, he himself went to an Ivy League College where he was surrounded by many bright and creative people, but what became apparent to him was intelligence and worldly possessions had little to do with happiness

In early sobriety I had all my dreams come true, I got the girl, the house, was doing what I loved and I have never been so unhappy in my life, I did everything everyone told me to, and I suffered miserably, and I couldn't understand why, here in America we have "If only this then that" hard wired into our consciousness, If I could only _____, I'd be happy, if I could get the girl, the car, the house, I'd be happy, and this is re-enforced because when we do achieve a goal our entire body heaves a great sigh of contentment, of relief, but it's short lived and we are on the next thing we are lacking, he stated that that huge sigh of contentment was not so much in achieving that goal per se, but for a moment, the tiniest moment we have gotten our mind to shut up...before it starts it's quest on what we are lacking and that becomes the driving focus of our life, we become addicted to fixing the next thing, to climbing the next hill, to overcoming the next obstacle with the idea that this will make us -feel better-, this is why power drivers upon reaching the pinnnacle of success commit suicide, we are addicted to the quest, to the future, not the now. We are addicted to "fixing" ourselves and those around us.

If only this then that

the saddest words I know, because as long as I have that hardwired in, I am missing the now, because I am focusing on some idealized fictional future where I am OK.

He went to Asia in 1963 and studied Buddhism, becomes ordained and retreated to a monastery, where he expected to be shown the secret of happiness, but that was not primarily what his teacher offered, he offered a way of life, a lifelong path of awakening, surrender, attention and commitment. He offered a happiness that was not dependent on any of the changing conditions of the world  but came of one's own difficult and inner transformation, in studying buddhism he hoped to leave behind the pain of his family life and the difficulties of the world, but of course they followed him, it took him many years to realize our difficulties and origins are part of our spiritual path.

He came back to America in 1972 still high from life in the monastary, got a job, got in a relationship, went back to school, but realized that all his teachings actually helped very little in his personal relationships, he still acted out the same patterns of blame and fear acceptance and rejection as he had before his training, the true horror was now he could see the patterns, he could do loving kindness meditations but had terrible trouble relating to the person in front of him, he realized he used his practice to hide from himself, rather then discover himself, he hadn't even realized he was angry, sad, grieving or frustrated until a long time later, he had never even truly looked at the roots of his unhappiness.

The reason I tell you his story is it mirrors mine perfectly, I have been doing "recovery" for a few decades, have worked the steps again and again and again, but the biggest difficulty has been to truly integrate them into my life, I mean it's like I only got 30% in, a veneer of health overlaying a history of distortion, and eventually it always caught up with me, and "more was revealed"

Anyway, the rest of the book deals with learning to integrate our spiritual practice into the fabric of our daily lives, that with a spiritual quest there can be no seperation between church and state, a house divided against itself can't stand...

Anyhow, my whole point was to list his qualities of spiritual maturity, and I ended up writing a book review, so without further adieu here they are:

1. Non-idealism.

Non-idealistic spirituality does not seek a perfect world; it does not seek to perfect ourselves, our bodies, our personalities. It is not romantic about teachers or enlightenment based on images of the immense purity of some special being out there. It does not seek to gain or attain in the spiritual life, but only to love and be free.

2. Kindness

Based on a fundamental notion of self-acceptance, rather that guilt, blame, or shame, for the ignorant acts we've committeed or the fears that still remain within us. It understands that opening requires the warm sun of loving-kindness. It is all too easy to turn spirituality and religion into what Alan Watts calls "a grim duty".

3. Patience

Understanding that the process of awakening goes through many seasons and cycles. It asks for our deepest commitment, that we take the one seat in our heart and open to every part of life. Constancy, a capacity to be with what is true moment to moment.

4. Immediacy

As Ajahn Chah said, "Even the extraordinary experience are of no use, only something to let go of, unless they are connected with this moment here and now". This immediacy is the true source of compassion and understanding. "Only within our own body, with its heart and mind", said the Buddha, "can bondage and suffering be found, and only here can we find true liberation."

5. Integrated and Personal

"Integrated" in that it does not create separate compartments of our life, dividing that which is sacred from that which is not. "Personal" in honouring spirituality through our own words and actions. Otherwise, our spirituality is not of any true value. Integrated and personal spiritual practice includes our work, our love, our families and our creativity.

6. Questioning

Rather than adopting a philosophy or following blindly a great teacher or compelling path, we come to recognize that we must see for ourselves. This quality of questioning is called by the Buddha, "Dhamma-vicaya", our own investigation into the truth. It is a willingness to discover what is so, without imitation or without following the wisdom of others.

7. Flexibility

Their flexibility understands that there is not just one way of practice or one fine spiritual tradition, but there are many ways. It understands that spiritual life is no about adopting any one particular philosophy or set of beliefs or teachings, that it is not a cause for taking a stand in oppositioj to something else or someone else.

8. Embracing opposites

More comfortable with paradox, more appreciative of life's ambiguities, its many levels and inherent conflicts. One develops a sense of life's irony, metaphor, and humour and a capacity to embrace the whole, with its beauty and outrageousness, in the graciousness of the heart.

9. Relationship

We are always in relation to something. It is in discovering a wise and compassionate relationship to all things that we find a capacity to honour them all. While we have little control over much of what happens in our life, we can choose how we relate to our experiences.

10. Ordinariness

We are just ourselves, without pretense or artifice, we are at rest in the universe. In this ordinariness there is no higher or lower, nothing to fix, nothing to desire, simply an opening in love and understanding to the joys and suffering of the world. This ordinary love and understanding brings an ease and peace of heart to every situation. It is the discovery that salvation lies in the ordinary.