It is interesting what freedom and choices there are in life now that I am not a slave to alcohol. For about a year and a half I would say, I was building a foundation to just resist alcohol....I had major shifts in my thinking and a really painful period of growth. I stuck it out. Where does that leave me now? Free to do all kinds of things in my life. I am free to have a great romantic relationship, to expand my career, to challenge my body and stay in shape, and to lead a spiritual life that I never had before.
With all that said...I still have a gnawing in my gut that says "Do not stray" and "Complacency is the enemy." I have dropped down to 2 meetings a week due to being so busy and having so much in my life going on. I know what the hard line response to this would be....."You were never too busy to drink before right??!!" Anyhow, I feel like I am really living life with the training wheels off finally...but I am not sure how far I can or should ever stray from AA. Kind of like a 2 year old keeps going back to mom for approval. I know I will always need AA, but not sure about the dose right now and I am wary of playing with fire.
Helping others should be my focus now too but I have a job doing that all day every day so I am not sure I have the mental energy to sponsor someone.
In essense, all is going really well and I am just checking in and wondering if this is normal? As I am writing this, I realize it sounds like I now just have a normal life like other people and I am so blessed for that. 2 and a half years ago (exactly as a matter of fact) I only saw a life with overwhelming problems in all areas. Recovery is good. Any suggestions for staying the course or making it even better? How to live an active life, but not stray to far from the fellowship and meetings at the same time? It seems I am now trying to learn balance...As an alcoholic, I never learned that before and tend to do things gangbusters or not at all.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Pinkchip, I agree with you...freedom and choices are a way of life, especially now. I have a wide array of choices today, thanks in part to the grace of my higher power and the fellowship of AA. We are no longer enslaved by this disease and can now live a normal life with all the responsibilities and challenges associated with growing up.
The road to recovery has its share of challenges too and so does living life on life's terms. Navigating your way through the endless barrage of choices is never an easy task, so be vigilant and careful as you confront the very thing that some of us choose to ignore; living life as it was meant to be with all the duties and challenges associated with being responsible -one day at a time.
~God Bless~
P.S. Sobriety will remain my priority regardless of how demanding my life can become.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Friday 1st of April 2011 09:12:53 PM
This is one post I absolutley cannot resist replying to. I listened to the party line concerning "falling away" and for two years and I went to a meeting nearly every night, where that got me was my wife more lonely than when I drank and sick to F-ing death of that. I could feel the marriage deteriating well before that discussion took place but fear of what would happen kept me from easing back on meetings.
Heres where I get confused.....................................the big book is either lying or it's telling the truth. Fullstop. And for me it's telling the truth devinely channelled through Bill Wilson into word form and to the rest of us. The book quite clearly says " Continue to WATCH OUT FOR FEAR, resentment , selfpity etc ect. How is promoting FEAR in the form of telling members getting sober " Watch out for drifting away the program !!!!!! ????????
My experience is that it's not meetings that I cannot stay away from, it's God and the program. The meetings are just where I come to share my esh and love others in the form of just being there.
Stay close to God and the program and have a new sense of freedom never before experienced. Leave being chained to the meetings to those who are first step third traditioners.
Hi Mark, It's great to hear you are enjoying your new life. For a time in my sobereity I was really busy, working a lot of hours, dating and other activities.
I was on the 2 meetings a week plan for a long time, when I could, I would make more. I felt pressure to from women I dated to slack off on my workouts and meetings to spend more time with them but I never slacked. I knew what I needed to keep my head together, have made meetings and workouts since day one, If I got off track, I would get back on.
We don't get sober to just hang out in meetings 24-7, we get sober to live life and strive to be the friend, husband, family member, employee etc, that we should be.
Sobriety is always priority #1, the only reason all the other good stuff is taking place. Selfishness, self-centeredness is the root of our troubles. For me, the epitome of selfishness is not being there to help a drunk after God and the people in AA saved my life. Have to stay connected, on board and grateful.
You will no doubt experience a lot of ebbs and flows in your life sober you have gift for writing and you have helped a lot of people on the forum. I only sponsored a few people in the 1st 20 years, now I have 11 sponcees, I guess God put them in my path for a reason, so I have been going to 3 to 4 the past 2 years. Clean house, trust God, help a drunk....enjoy the journey!
-- Edited by Rob84 on Saturday 2nd of April 2011 01:26:01 AM
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
I've been sober 13 months and at around 8 months I got a job that required a lot of hours and a lot of hard labor and I cut back on meetings and stopped sponsoring people. But I thought it was ok because I was making financial progress and professional progress and all that good stuff. Then things started going bad with my job* and my relationship with my girl was getting shaky and I started having a lot of selfish thoughts. So I prayed and prayed and I started going to more meetings, but the thoughts didn't go away. Then my sponsor gave me some really quality advice. He said: "the best way to get out of your head is to climb inside someone else's". Sponsoring cannot only save someone else's life, it can save yours.
I know in the OP you said that you help people all day every day at work, but when you leave work, you get to spend a lot of time with your brain. It's best to have a spare brain to climb into when yours is giving you trouble.
*The owner of the company that I was working for is also an alcoholic who had 2-1/2 years sober. But he got too busy for the program and he took that 1st drink(plus about 20,000 more) and now his company no longer exists.
BTW, the whole freedom to live thing is amazing and beautiful. The mental obsession to drink took up about 75% of my brain power for so many years and now that it's gone, I'm free to focus on all sorts of other great things. It's probably my favorite aspect of sobriety.
For me it's all about balance, and nothing to excess, obsession, habituation, addiction, dependence or stagnation of development. Bill used the term "recovered"...it took me many years to really understand why, since I learned the term "recovering" as a way to drive home the fact that there is no cure for alcoholism and we are always prone to a recurrance. I finally came to understand that growing and changing meant adding into my life healthy, balanced, relationships and activities in addition to A.A. meetings "all the time". As long as I am practicing these principles in all my affairs, of course. So far so good: I pick up my 28 year chip in 2 days (living sober a day at a time between now and then)!
