Hi Everyone. I called the cops on my son the other day as his boss told me he was worried about his life he looked so bad. He's had so many run ins with the police -2 probation breaches. They have him in jail - he doesn't know it was me who turned him in. He's 24. Court appearnace tommorow. I feel torn but with 7 years of my own sobriety and knowing how devastating this disease is - I felt it would be totally irresponsible of me not to do so. Anyone had this experience or gone through it? Any help would be appreciated.
Thanks
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"Many of us tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely."
It's a choice and they (the cops) are a tool. What I learned from sponsorship was to accept the consequences of my choices and continue moving in the sober direction. I've done it myself and life is still going on for them and for me. Keep coming back and thanks for the share on courage. (((hugs)))
I read your responses on other threads and it sounds like you definitely qualify to be here, but this specific question may be better for the Alanon Board. Go over there and give it a try.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
HI Red, I have a son who is a drunkie/junkie, and even tho I have not turned him in to the cops, Ive had to talk with him once about his problems. He knows Im sober, and now wont correspond with me at all. I made my ammends to him and he completely ignores me. Im guessing he feels guilty cuz of his own drinking and doesnt want to be around me. He accepted my ammends when I made them to him over 6 yrs ago.
Its sad, and it hurts. I feel your pain.
what I do is pray for my son and stay sober ... being the example and not the problem. And I have let him know if he ever wants help, I'll do everything I can to find that he gets it.
My sponsor did this 5 years aqo and his son just qot out of prison last month. He drove his son to the police station and handed him over, while the son was under the influence, which violated his probation. I've never heard him second quess himself about it. He said that he was safer in jail then on the street.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Tuesday 29th of March 2011 09:01:20 PM
No one had to turn me in, because my disease eventually would. My drinking got so bad that only an act of providence could lift the obsession from me. I was spared many more years of torment, thank God, but the damage had already been done. My options, according to the judge were as follows: A stint in jail or another rehab...You choose. I chose the rehab, of course, and haven't looked back evere since -thank God.
I hope your son finds the help he needs to start the sobering up process -one day at a time. Sometimes, Active Alcoholics need a wake up call, to nudge him in the right direction and maybe this one is his -we hope. We will pray for his recovery and for your well being as well. Keep us informed about his progress and never give up hope -we won't, either should you.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Wednesday 30th of March 2011 12:17:34 AM
I know exactly what you are going through. Please don't feel guilty, you did what you needed to do. Last year the cops came to my house several times looking for my son, at first I couldn't bring myself to turn him in... eventually I realized that I was either going to be visiting him in jail or visiting his grave, when you think of it that way the choice is easy. When I got the call that he was in jail I was sad for him, but also relieved that for that night (and still today) I didn't have to wonder where he was, or if he had anywhere to stay, OR if I was going to get the call I feared more than anything. This may be what he needs to get sober and change his life.
that is a key question, "am i helping or am i hurting this person?" that is the bottom line, really. helping someone get help is always good, just sometimes painful.
I spent Sunday when I called to Weds (his court appearance date) worried to death. They took him down to the jailhouse for three days to let him get a taste of it. They relaeased him on Weds and added some things to his probation order. He hated the jail experience and now he knows where he is going if he continues to ignore his probation order . Was it worth it?
Emotionally I am drained. I probably need to increase my meetings. It was a form of intervention and I hoped it helped him in some way. I just wish my emotions didn't take me for such a ride.
A deeper meaning of step one came to mind "Admitted we were powerless over alcohol"
I guess I've been having trouble with this step when it comes to other people's lives.
Will I do it again if I see he's close to harming himself or becomes a danger to society -yes.
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"Many of us tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely."
