Well I'm back here again for the first time since last summer.
I feel like the lowest of the low right now. I'm scared of my lack of control around liquor. I've made an ass out of myself for the millionth time. I've lost my house keys and the keys to my new work. I'm lucky to be alive I think.
Just wanted to let everyone know I'm back and that I am going to try and visit you all here everyday.
For the record, this is day 2 for me.
I don't even have the energy to tell my story. It's pitiful anyway. I'm an alcoholic. I'm here.
Welcome back. The last time I relapsed I wound up in the ER with a BAC of 0.313, which can kill you. Sometimes it takes that kind of a scare to keep you away from drinking for good. Perhaps it's a blessing in disguise?
Welcome Back Oblong...
We, alcoholics do make some bad decisions from time to time, usually in the midst of some unusual circumstances. A person, still in the throes of this disease, with not enough "will power" to end the roller coaster ride once and for all, will not achieve any lasting sobriety until "He first admits complete defeat" -like you just did.
A good support network and a program of recovery (AA) is your only option. Drinking doesn't solve anything, so don't give credence to that myth anymore. Rely on the tools of recovery, your higher power and a good support network instead. I would consider your treatment options, like with an addiction counselor -maybe, and support work, of course, through forums like this one and AA -as well.
Remember...we suffer from a disease that limits our chances of recovery without any real strategy in place. Adopt a plan now, so you can enjoy a brighter future -one day at a time. Don't give up on yourself... we haven't, either should you.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 25th of March 2011 06:04:34 PM
-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 25th of March 2011 06:06:22 PM
-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 25th of March 2011 06:07:17 PM
-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 25th of March 2011 06:07:37 PM
Aloha Oblong and welcome back...glad to see you made it. I relate to being scared of lack of control. When I found the doors of recovery that is exactly how I felt and I thought that I didn't have another day left for me and was just looking for a place to lay done and stop breathing. Glad that HP and the program got to me before that happened for real. Get into the rooms and sit down and listen, listen, listen and then realize that taking myself sooo seriously was a waste of time. I don't know a drunk that has escaped the consequences of their out of control drinking and the behaviors, thoughts, feelings and spirit that comes thereafter.
You made it back...YAY!! you can stay and help keep us sober.
Thanks everyone for the responses. I'm happy to be back. I need to make some big changes and some big commitments this time or I know from experience this won't last.
I just landed the greatest job of my life and I just had to email my new boss and tell her I lost the keys to work. Not a great first impression.
I have screwed up my personal life over and over again but this time it affected my work.
I've got to change or I just don't know what will become of me.
This is one deadly disease, you know that, all I can say is so glad you're back and to give you a hundred hugs.
Love you sweet friend,
Your sissy in Recovery,
Toni.......................
Had a thought after I entered the Post, if you had just won again in a battle with cancer, there would be no need for shame.....just two diseases, both as inciderous as the other.
ok that was my afterthought....:) see you soon my friend.
-- Edited by Just Toni on Friday 25th of March 2011 07:18:09 PM
Welcome back Oblonq. You know, that new job is probably wiqqinq you out a bit. I sabotaqed several "best job I ever had". Somewhere, down deep, we're afraid of success. qettinq sober helps eliminate that, over time. qet busy with your recovery.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Friday 25th of March 2011 08:54:47 PM
I made it through a Friday night without drinking!
I am also moving in a couple of days and I just found out there is a treatment center only about a block away from my new house. I think this is a sign. I'm going to contact them and try and get in there for outpatient treatment.
Welcome back Oblong, Do be very careful, new job, new place to live, and new/ending relationship are 3 of the top stressers in life. Just know that no matter what happens a drink wont help. I know from my own experience because I have tried damn near every excuse for taking that first drink and I always end up back on my butt or sometimes face..
__________________
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Welcome back Oblong. You're in the right place. And you know the drill: get to some meetings, start getting numbers, get a sponsor. It works if we work it. :)
Never did find the keys.... And I've packed my whole apartment for the move so I know they are gone. I already told my new boss and she seemed ok about it. So today is day 5 for me. It's also my first "official" day at my new job.
