hmmm. Been asked something. Heart says yes head not sure.

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

hmmm. Been asked something. Heart says yes head not sure.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

How about expectations of a simple holiday with a friend. It may involve you qoinq off on your own for several days. Rent a bike and tour the island. Hard to imaqine a lot hanky panky happeninq with the kids qoinq.

A word of caution. qettinq involved with a freshly divorced person is not a qood idea. They fall under the cateoqory of "emotionally unavailable". Often times freshly divorced couples have relations for a time afterward, sound familiar? I made a rule, after qettina burned a time or two, not to date woman that were less than 6 months out of their last relationship. Other than that, I'd qo and have a qood time as friends and do you own thinq.

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

yep I hear ya. But like me she's been separated for a long time and her marriage died in 08.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Sounds reasonable but remember, woman are particularly emotional beinqs. With this divorce beinq newly final, there's bound to be some stuff churninq around. I'd hate to be used as a devise to make another jealous. It's happened and I was naive but not anymore. Have fun.

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

Yep, thanks for the warning borne of experience. Have to say though that she shared the house with him from early 08. She had upstairs, he had downstairs. Finally kicked his arse out in 09. He's been staying on his sister's couch ever since.

He has access to his kids and she usually takes off and stays with friends to leave him the run of the house. only time I've been there when he was due, she asked me to leave before he got there so there wasn't any chance of a scene.

I've met her kids and the eldest is a real polite lass. The twins are typical energetic, full on till they drop 5 yr olds. as for the dogs.......... the mongrel has ADHD, the Scottish deerhound thinks I'm her best mate, the two chihuahas (is that how it's spelt?) epitomise the saying it's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. They'll tag team against anything.

Hey hey, it's all little steps, don't invest what you can't afford to lose - we are just good friends at the mo......it may never progress beyond that........can't help hoping though.

LinBaba · MIP Old Timer

bikerbill wrote:

so I've spent the morning with a woman and her dogs walking round the lake. Had a fine time all innocent and stuff. This of course is the woman who agreed wi me that we should back off.

So now she asks can I drive on the wrong side of the road. Am I ok with hot countries. Have I got a passport? Would I like to go to tenerife with her and her kids when her divorce comes through (about may time).

She-it! This is backing off is it?

Like the title says heart says yes head actually says oh my goodness this is scary! Heart is winning hands down though!

Query: Do you actually think this won't go to the next level if you go on vacation with her?

Seriously, what are your motives? I mean I think it's totally cool to go if you DO want to get involved, but all this tip toeing around the tulips isn't like you Bill

So if this is "all innocent and stuff", walking around the lake with her and going on vacation with her, would you do these things with her if you were involved with someone else?

That's what "innocent and stuff" means to me, could I do this activity with this person if I had a significant other without her getting mad.

Like I said, you are a consenting adult as is she, and you have been lonely enough for long enough, I think it's great to get involved with someone who interests you and have a relationship, hell I'm in one myself, but didn't you only make the decision to end things with your wife yesterday and today you're making plans to vacation in the tropics with someone else?

It was advised to me to at least let the body get cold before I jumped from one relationship to the next, and it was also pointed out to me that rigorous honesty meant I started telling myself the truth about me and my motives, so I'm just wondering, you pulling our leg or yours on this one thinking you could vacation with this woman without it getting physically and emotionally confusing?

No moral stance here, just some questions, you want to go, I'm cool, you don't want to go, I'm cool, it's just you are usually a bit more honest with yourself about stuff, that's one of the things I dig about you, I mean it's just we were doing this shit in AA in our 20's and in our first few years, I mean for me, I got a chance to go back and do all that fun stuff I never did as a teenager, dating, intriguing, etc because as alcoholics we seem to skp that stuff, so I don't begrudge you that opportunity to have as much fun as I did, somehow I just thought it would look different at our age though

Have a good time, don't hurt yourself or others, sex is god given therefore good, not to be used lightly nor despised or loathed was some of the best stuff I think Bill ever wrote, so have fun Bill, you've earned it, just keep your eyes open and try to not get hurt or hurt anyone else

-- Edited by LinBaba on Wednesday 23rd of March 2011 01:24:10 PM

happycamper · MIP Old Timer

Take it slow, take it easy, keep it simple, pray about it ...

Its a vacation, not a marriage proposal right?

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

well I can always rely on linbaba to get right to the point. Examine your motives! Well now what might my motives be? I'll need to think on this. I'm very much attracted to her. The going out walking that's all innocent im my book. Yes I believe it's acceptable to have friends of the opposite sex. We have no one to answer to. The holiday well I'd hope I wouldn't be sleeping on the couch. Yeah. It'd be good if we can move on to another level, develop a relationship. That's what I'd like but I'm wary. Early days. Don't invest more than I'm willing to lose. Learn from the past. Don't rush it. But when one door closes then I wouldn't want to focus on that to the exclusion of a door that's opening.

TwelveSteps · Senior Member

StPeteDean wrote:
Sounds reasonable but remember, woman are particularly emotional beinqs

...just like men are. "Humans are particularly emotional beings" is a more accurate statement. Good luck Bill!

GG

LinBaba · MIP Old Timer

TwelveSteps wrote:

StPeteDean wrote:
Sounds reasonable but remember, woman are particularly emotional beinqs

...just like men are. "Humans are particularly emotional beings" is a more accurate statement. Good luck Bill!

GG

Absolutely, I LOVED what Mike Crichton wrote about it:

They
By now I had adopted David's view of the inherent differences between the sexes, that men were the romantics and women were the pragmatists. His view was that each sex saw the other as a projection of itself.
What's really wrong with making them the problem is that you abdicate your own responsibility. Once you say some mysterious they is in charge, then you're able to sit back comfortably and complain about how they are doing it.
The biggest problem between the sexes was the tendency to objectify the opposite sex and ultimately become powerless before them. Both men and women did this about the opposite sex. They were this way or that way. They had this tendency. There was nothing we could do about the way they behaved.
I had thought that women were inherently different from men. And in formulating that difference, I had also objectified women. They were different. They didn't have the same feelings I did. They were they.

"-We- are particularly emotional beings"

-- Edited by LinBaba on Wednesday 23rd of March 2011 03:12:43 PM

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

LinBaba wrote:

Query: Do you actually think this won't go to the next level if you go on vacation with her?

Of course I'm now wondering what the next level is. Do you mean physical / sexual or emotional / relationship. I'd hope that it would be the latter.

Seriously, what are your motives? I mean I think it's totally cool to go if you DO want to get involved, but all this tip toeing around the tulips isn't like you Bill

So if this is "all innocent and stuff", walking around the lake with her and going on vacation with her, would you do these things with her if you were involved with someone else?
Going for walks is one thing. Going on holiday another. Like the difference between having a cup of tea in a cafe and getting breakfast in bed.

That's what "innocent and stuff" means to me, could I do this activity with this person if I had a significant other without her getting mad.
well I don't have a significant other, but if I had, like I said, going to walk the dogs is one thing (acceptable) going on holiday is another (not acceptable)

Like I said, you are a consenting adult as is she, and you have been lonely enough for long enough, I think it's great to get involved with someone who interests you and have a relationship, hell I'm in one myself, but didn't you only make the decision to end things with your wife yesterday and today you're making plans to vacation in the tropics with someone else?
Well the decision was made a long time ago, but the action was only taken last week. And Tenerife is hardly the tropics, it's in the med. Like Blackpool with sun.

It was advised to me to at least let the body get cold before I jumped from one relationship to the next, and it was also pointed out to me that rigorous honesty meant I started telling myself the truth about me and my motives, so I'm just wondering, you pulling our leg or yours on this one thinking you could vacation with this woman without it getting physically and emotionally confusing?
and yes that's the problem. I don't think that I could holiday with this woman without it getting physical and emotional. That's the scary bit. (not the physical bit, the emotional bit) Having known this woman for over 18 months, nearer 2 years, I am confused about my feelings. Am I just vulnerable? Is She? Thank God she seems to be very independent, does her own thing, doesn't NEED anyone to complete her picture.
No moral stance here, just some questions, you want to go, I'm cool, you don't want to go, I'm cool, it's just you are usually a bit more honest with yourself about stuff, that's one of the things I dig about you, I mean it's just we were doing this shit in AA in our 20's and in our first few years, I mean for me, I got a chance to go back and do all that fun stuff I never did as a teenager, dating, intriguing, etc because as alcoholics we seem to skp that stuff, so I don't begrudge you that opportunity to have as much fun as I did, somehow I just thought it would look different at our age though

Have a good time, don't hurt yourself or others, sex is god given therefore good, not to be used lightly nor despised or loathed was some of the best stuff I think Bill ever wrote, so have fun Bill, you've earned it, just keep your eyes open and try to not get hurt or hurt anyone else
Well I don't want to hurt anyone, not her, not me, not her family. But as one door closes you can spend too much time looking at it and miss the door that opens. Similarly you can look too hard for the doors that might be opening. I just feel the need to move with my cheese.

-- Edited by LinBaba on Wednesday 23rd of March 2011 01:24:10 PM

PhilipD · Veteran Member

You know the problem with most of us alkys>?
We THINK too damned much :)

Life is short.
GO for it.

If yu get lucky while youre there? Great.
If yu dont?
Enjoy the companionship and holiday anyway.

And DONT buy her a ring or do anything stupid.
Flowers will suffice. :) :)

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

TwelveSteps wrote:
StPeteDean wrote:
Sounds reasonable but remember, woman are particularly emotional beinqs

...just like men are. "Humans are particularly emotional beings" is a more accurate statement. Good luck Bill!

GG

I depends I quess, I qet kinda emotional over beuatiful cars, quitars, and motorcycles biggrin

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

PhilipD wrote:
And DONT buy her a ring or do anything stupid.
Flowers will suffice. :) :)

Ermmmmmmmmmmmmmm.........on the lookout for an AA signet ring...........don't mean nuthin'............sh1t my sponsors partner just gave me an AA logo watch, don't mean she wants me, does it........

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

StPeteDean wrote:
TwelveSteps wrote:
StPeteDean wrote:
Sounds reasonable but remember, woman are particularly emotional beinqs

...just like men are. "Humans are particularly emotional beings" is a more accurate statement. Good luck Bill!

GG
I depends I quess, I qet kinda emotional over beuatiful cars, quitars, and motorcycles
yeah, lfe would be easier if the only thing I got emotional over were guitars, cars and bikes.

leeu · MIP Old Timer

Oh good grief....Bill, at this rate we'll all be expecting a full report!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Me, I'll want to know what kind of flowers---details, details. And there are some really nice AA earrings on-line. Just sayin'.

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

ear rings. great idea. not contentious, no chance of mis understandings.......she's leaving for a holiday in Egypt tonight for a week......be nice to have a little welcome home surprise for her.....earrings........now she has three piercings per ear, so how many should I get........only kidding.

SUSIE · Senior Member

I was really starting to think that there was alot of overthinking going on here. I say keep it honest and go in and get to know another person. Yeah Im a divorced woman and I had some baggage....but it really helped me to move on when I met someone I could be honest with and who respected me. Alot of us have gone thru the wringer in the past. Now that your moving on, go out and be with people how ever it ends up. Have some joy in your life. If you keep it open and honest no one should get hurt! Enjoy all the joy in life Bill!!! You deserve is and she probable does too. Just my opinion lol

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

Susie. thanks for the reminder. Honesty with the woman and honesty with myself means as you say, no one gets hurt or used. And the slogan, Think, Think, Think! It only says it three times which is about the right amount of thinking I need to do.

zzworldontheweb · Senior Member

Tenerife. Humph. We go to "Mexico" and you get to go to "Tenerife". Life's not fair. That might be worth a relapse.

WAIT! No, no it's not. NO tropical vacations with sultry ladies. ESPECIALLY not planned while they're still married. Just wrong. Stay on the good side of the fence on this one.

turninggrey · MIP Old Timer

I am pretty sure this will be the report:

http://www.hark.com/clips/gbwgvfgvsq-i-shagged-her-rotten-baby

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

zzworldontheweb wrote:

Tenerife. Humph. We go to "Mexico" and you get to go to "Tenerife". Life's not fair. That might be worth a relapse.

WAIT! No, no it's not. NO tropical vacations with sultry ladies. ESPECIALLY not planned while they're still married. Just wrong. Stay on the good side of the fence on this one.

is there more than one tenerife? I allus tyought tenerife was in the med. Hardly tropcal.

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

oh my geography is bad.a. Tenerife really is a long way from home!

LinBaba · MIP Old Timer

bikerbill wrote:
oh my geography is bad.a. Tenerife really is a long way from home!

Could even be considered....Tropical by some

Frodo · MIP Old Timer

SUSIE wrote:
I was really starting to think that there was alot of overthinking going on here. I say keep it honest and go in and get to know another person. Yeah Im a divorced woman and I had some baggage....but it really helped me to move on when I met someone I could be honest with and who respected me. Alot of us have gone thru the wringer in the past. Now that your moving on, go out and be with people how ever it ends up. Have some joy in your life. If you keep it open and honest no one should get hurt! Enjoy all the joy in life Bill!!! You deserve is and she probable does too. Just my opinion lol

If this board had a rep system I'd give that post a +1. That is really good advice.

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

LinBaba wrote:
bikerbill wrote:
oh my geography is bad.a. Tenerife really is a long way from home!
Could even be considered....Tropical by some

Yeah - tropical int it. Oh my God i can't believe it i've never been this far away from home - an I thought that Malta was a long way.

How come flying half the world away is cheaper than staying at home?

LinBaba · MIP Old Timer

bikerbill wrote:
LinBaba wrote:
bikerbill wrote:
oh my geography is bad.a. Tenerife really is a long way from home!
Could even be considered....Tropical by some

Yeah - tropical int it. Oh my God i can't believe it i've never been this far away from home - an I thought that Malta was a long way.

How come flying half the world away is cheaper than staying at home?

oh quit exagerating, 1/2 the world away, here, here's the driving directions

Driving directions to Tenerife
Suggested routes
1.
2 days 3 hours
Cádiz - Sta Cruz de Tenerife
2,296 mi
2.
2 days 6 hours
AP-7 and Cádiz - Sta Cruz de Tenerife
2,478 mi
This route has tolls. - more info »
This route includes a car transport. - more info »
This route includes a ferry. - more info »
This route crosses through France. - more info »
Westminster, London
UK
Board Cunard Cruise Liner
Tenerife

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Thursday 24th of March 2011 03:45:39 PM

SUSIE · Senior Member

Good thing I could find room on this tread some long post lol. Thank you Frodo for your compliment!!

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

LinBaba wrote:

bikerbill wrote:
LinBaba wrote:
bikerbill wrote:
oh my geography is bad.a. Tenerife really is a long way from home!
Could even be considered....Tropical by some

Yeah - tropical int it. Oh my God i can't believe it i've never been this far away from home - an I thought that Malta was a long way.

How come flying half the world away is cheaper than staying at home?
oh quit exagerating, 1/2 the world away, here, here's the driving directions

well it's a small world. Wouldn't like to walk round it though. And you missed the bit from God's own county (Yorkshire) to the city of the damned.(London)

LinBaba · MIP Old Timer

I was hoping Gmaps would give the same sort of directions as from my house to japan, turn by turn instructions then "Kayak across the Pacific Ocean"

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

LB, I wasted my time scanninq for that also.