First thing this morning, I mailed the divorce papers back without my signature and I immediately felt obedient to God. It set the tone for the rest of the day.
I perused the forums here to catch up on everyone.
I read through my scriptures and meditation book.
I wanted to make a meeting tonight, but my work scheduled is packed for the next 10 days, but I felt no urges to drink.
The letter included in the divorce papers was the day one of The Love Dare.. and it felt good to act on love instead if feeling it or reacting to it.
Ironically, my wife texted me tonight to tell me that she had arranged to transfer her cell phone off our joint account and into her name and that she would do it when she received the papers. AND just in case I had planned on holding on to the papers for any ridiculous reason, she would download anything and everything until I did.
Admittedly, for a fleeting moment I was shaken, but I bowed on my knee and thanked God for my misery... because it is my misery that is molding me into the man that God wants me to be. If that what it takes, pour it on me, Oh Lord!
In the end, I am at peace with myself and I never once thought of a drink today. That is what matters most.
Might want to express a gratitude to and for your current wife also as it seems she is being the instrument of your Higher Powers peace... I was that grateful to my very own alcoholic/addict wife as she was an instrument in me finding recovery. Oh yes... Thank You God.
You are absolutely right, Jerry. I do thank God for this situation with my wife because it is teaching me in an area I had always had problems with. My reactioni to her that night at least got my attention and made me aware of a problem even if it took a another week or so to come to terms with my alcoholism. As I mentioned in another post, The Love Dare is not a way to get her back, it is a way to be obedient to God in that I will choose to love my wife whether she wants me to or not... whether her responses are positive or negative. It is humiliating, but it is teaching me unconditional love.
I may have to wait a while to thank her directly though.....
-- Edited by Mad_Jasper on Thursday 17th of March 2011 07:17:37 AM
Just curious jasper, at what point to you give up and move on if nothing changes? I respect your ideals about marriage and probably more people should have them. You really aren't supposed to be focused on new relationships anyhow in early sobriety....but, your God as you understand him....When would he ever permit you moving on? When would you not be disobedient any more? Just curious.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I honestly don't know pinkchip. It's kind of a wonderful thing not knowing... it removes my desires to fix things or force things to happen.
I think it is important to understand that this is not an attempt to get her back. The Love Dare is about my relationship with Christ and its a method for me to be obedient to God in regards to my marriage... and that's really just it. It is important to my recovery to be obedient to God... it's as important as working the steps and attending meetings. I can't separate them. I've given God the problems of my life and He has been faithful in all regards. He has given me what I needed when I needed it and I trust that will be the case with my marriage.
In my scripture and meditation book, there is sentence that has become very inspirational to me. (Paraphrased) "Don't tell God how big your mountains are, tell the mountains how big your God is". God is bigger than my alcoholism, marriage, family, job... everything. So instead of focusing on asking for things from God, I am instead thanking Him my recovery, restoring my marriage, protecting my family and friends, blessing me with a great job... thanking Him for everything.
I don't understand all of this pinkchip, but that's the beauty in it... I don't have to.
