All the best on your journey Steve.  You will receive a lot of support from this wonderful site.  Looking forward to read about your journey.

Hang in there Steve. One day at a time, bro. Let us know when you have 24 hours! Will be praying for you. Heather

If nothing changes, nothing changes, did you read what Jerry wrote the other day to a newcomer?

seemed appropos:

Your -post- causes me to smile and reflect with deep humor and
humility cause I remember how I got into recovery and still thought I had my brain
intact and my thinking and perspective was valid.

When I got into recovery I had many ideas about what was good for me and right
for me and what I needed and then I woke up...I had admitted I was alcoholic and
that my life was unmanageable.  I am addicted to a mind and mood altering
chemical and attempt to act like I knew what was going on and what was good for
me in front of thousands of sober people who knew what it was all about and knew
that they knew what it was all about while I on the other hand was clueless...Didn't
know and didn't know that I didn't know.

It was suggested to me to sit and listen and learn and not speak because I didn't
know anything about alcoholism or how to arrest it in my life.  That was true in the
fullest and so I did for over 90 days...attend meetings daily and then think about
where I should be.   I didn't want another religious experience so I was also leary
about people trying to postelisize me.  I've been in for a long time now and that
has never happened.  We don't cram God or any other idea of our own about a
God down another alcoholics throat...that is a fear you have, not the membership.
The program does suggest that we have a power greater than ourselves which will
lead us to sanity because by our own self power and management styles we have
arrived with a life threatening, incurable, disease asking others for help. 

I use to think of the metaphor of myself floundering in heavy seas needing some
one to toss me a life ring but wanting to choose the color and shape of it.  I needed
to grab a life ring only.

So I learned how to sit down and listen while understanding
that it was these people who knew and who could save my life if I allowed it while I
was standing outside of death's door ready to knock again.

or to paraphrase Mr Sponsorpants

Sometimes "Help me!" is really "help me keep doing what I'm doing, even though it's really not working for me anymore."

Sometimes "Help me!" is "help me keep doing what I'm doing, because it's about to work, I am going to keep doing the same thing and expect different results"

Sometimes "Help me!" is "I don't want to have to do anything to make a change or come up with an answer -- plus if you do it all I can blame you if I don't like it or it doesn't work out."

Why don't you try following the suggestions and stop half assing it? Get a sponsor and work the steps, or keep doing what you are doing, I understand, I really do, I've spent many a day in my own hot tub filled with my own poop because it was warm and comfortable, whining about the world telling everyone it was gonna be different this time and here's how,  eating shit sandwiches that other people kept feeding me because I wasn't paying my own way, wasn't carrying my own weight as I got my mom to co-sign my bullshit yet again....

up to you when you actually get up outta that hot tub and stop crawling around on your knees begging for help and forgiveness, stand on your own two feet, when you get sick and tired of getting sick and tired, you'll actually take some -real- action and put away the violin

get a sponsor and work the steps already, stop F'ing around, this isn't about you being helpless in the grip of a disease, this is about you not taking the necessary action to arrest it

God and AA have one very important thing in common, they only help those who help themselves, get over yourself, stop asking for handouts from your mother, and work the steps, just the self esteem boost alone is good for about 2 weeks of sobriety there, that will be time to hit about 20 meetings, get a sponsor, and be nearly done with your 4th step

Cmon Steve, you can do this, if you do this, nothing changes if nothing changes, and nothing has changed, even that board you practically started on your own because you swore up and down you needed it so badly is up and running with a book study and step study with no sign of you

get it together and toss out the self pity martyr deal, poor me poor me pour me another is all that will get you

Steve....with all of the earnestness at my command, I beg of you to get your head out of your butt and do the deal, you know what you need to do, and you've proven it's not meeting attendence, you've proven it's not self knowledge, you've proven it's not the coda board, you KNOW what to do

NOW DO IT

-- Edited by LinBaba on Wednesday 16th of March 2011 07:46:52 PM

Don't feel bad about where you are. CHANGE IT! Time to grow up and go after this with all you've got. It won't work cuz your mom is making you go. If anything that will make you resent going and try and skip meetings.

I am really glad you keep coming back. You say you don't benefit from harsh reality checks. You should learn to benefit from them because people in the program are not wasting their breath on you....We want you to learn. I think you need a serious reality check before you wind up dead.

It means nothing that people at your job drink. Why would that be hard if you are going to a meeting daily and calling your sponsor whenever you feel tempted to drink? You have never worked the program as intended, yet you keep thinking of reasons why you might fail.

Avail yourself of every tool and do as your sponsor suggests this time.

LinBaba wrote:

---

It was suggested to me to sit and listen and learn and not speak because I didn't
know anything about alcoholism or how to arrest it in my life.

---

Sometimes I think the only reason I am sober is that I was always an A+ student who loved getting approval from authority figures. When I walked into AA, I was told to just listen to my sponsor and my fellows and do what they told me. So I did. Gosh darn it, I was going to get an A+ at being an alcoholic! I guess there was something to that, because I'm still sober...

Good luck, Steve. Keep posting your updates!

GG

 

Good luck Steve!

Ill have 8 days sober tomorrow, had a slip up no excuses.. feels good to have a week down. Going to a meeting tomorrow, will start updating daily again, thanks to all that have prayed for me and believed in me.. Its not an easy battle.. turned down alcohol twice at my work last week, thats a fist for me, I usually always take it if offered, felt good to say "no thanks"