Good morning, all. I hope this post finds each of you happy, healthy and sober.
As most of you know I have been in a relationship for over 2 yrs and it's pretty much always been 1 sided. He's one of the "good ones", he's not in the program nor does he need to be, he cares for me, we enjoy each other and we're best friends, but he is not in love and I am not "the one" . He's always been honest about that. When I was drinking I spent much time praying for him to one day realize he really does love me or in time he will fall in love with me. I spent much time praying to become Mrs. _________. Since hopping on the 'Sobriety Train' those prayers have changed to whatever God's will is for this relationship. The serenity prayer has been most helpful in a lot of areas of my life but it has come to the surface that I need to listen to the answers I've received in regards to John. "accept the things I can not change" = I have accepted the fact that I can not change this man's feelings for me. I have finally found the "courage to change the things I can" . I will break it off as soon as he gets done with his shutdown at work, (a few more days) for good this time. I have to. I will tell him what I want and need in a relationship, which is one that has a future and a goal to strive for, and he can not give me that so it is time to end it. I will tell him we can no longer be friends either, tried that one once or twice before, always ended up back in the same place. No more phone calls, no more emails, not even forwarding "jokes". I will delete his email address, I will erase him from my phone memory. No contact whatsoever. I need time to grieve this loss and move on......... My heart is breaking. My hopes and dreams will be shattered, but I am prepared for it. I do not believe that God has gotten me this far to spend the rest of my life alone. I was put on this earth to love and be loved, to have the family I've never had. To grow old with someone. To shares the joys and sorrows of life......... God has granted me "the wisdom to know the difference" . John is not the man that my heart longs for....... Keep me in your prayers that I can do this, that I will not let fear stop me this time. THE COURAGE.......
Thanks for letting me share.
I love you all
Doll
-- Edited by Doll at 10:36, 2005-09-21
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
Doll, As the tears rolled down my face, I said a prayer for you and will continue to do so. Yes, the courage to change...it will come.
I have finally conceded that the loveless marriage I have been in for the last 22 years is over, will I get a divorce, hmmmm? I will pray about it. I would rather he did, as I've walked this road 2 times before.
Doll, God will send someone to love you the way you are suppose to be loved, let time take time, let the wounds heal.
Mr. Right will come along when your not even looking.
My sister has been in a bad relationship for 12 years.
Before this bad relationship, the previous was 25. He comminted suicide, and she was left feeling the sucide " had to be her fault".
She is currently taking more perscription pills to block out the fact that he does not love him like she (thinks) she he loves her. She's a people pleaser, and it kills me to see her hand on him hand and foot.
He kicked her out 5 yrs ago, she ended up in a mental institute.
She moved in with me...started to get her shit together. She was finally looking forward to having her own place, not fearing being alone. Out of the blue he called and wanted her back.
The affair he was having didnt work out ( her best friend of 30 yrs).
She went back with him and now 12 yrs later nothing has changed.
It takes a-lot of courge to make a life changing decision sometimes
Go with your gut instinct. We seem to fight our intuation when making a decision. Later down the road we say to ourselves " I knew it!!! I just knew it!!!.
Its hard not to go with our intuations because it seems so simple, and its usually the first thing that comes to our minds.
There is a whole new world ..."waiting for you out there Doll".
"The Courage to change the things I can"
Take Care
Nancy Jo
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Life is full of ups and downs
But the faces of love will
ease the pain and suffering
from:My Mother
Nancy Jo