So my husband has taken the kids up to get takeaway for dinner. Most nights I cook for them. From scratch. Tonight I can barely type straight: it's been a weekend-long bender, and I have to damp it down again, and I have to quit my insanely stressful job, but the other fact remains that I have to quit drinking.
It's been a rotten weekend. My day job - three days a week - suddenly got bad, and now my husband is excited about me spending no days a week there and playing with my kids instead. I told him about my bulimia when I was a kid. I can't quite bring up the alcoholism, which I was accusing myself of all day in the mirror. He thinks the reason I'm white as a sheet and making no sense is bulimia.
So, uh, help. I'm not quite at the stage where I want to admit to my husband that I've been drinking two litres of wine for the last few days, one and a bit for the last few hmmm nine years, apart from when I was pregnant or feeding, which was great for fueling denial in that I didn't drink while pregnant. Somehow. I'm not entirely sure how I managed to do that, apart from the fact that it was wonderful for fueling denial.
So, uh, any positive responses, particularly any links to experiences of those who de-alcoholed without anyone knowing, welcome. I'm too Type A to book in and admit it. Far, far too Type A. Any suggestions welcome.
Welcome to the board. First, admitting you have a problem to yourself is a huge step. Good for you, and congradulations.
Unfortunately I doubt you're going to get the exact answer you're looking for. While there are isolated examples of people that have quit cold-turkey and without support after consuming the amount you describe, those instances are very, very rare. The large majority of people who get sober and stay that way do so with outside help, along with involvement in AA or similar programs to some extent. Most people consuming that amount go through some withdrawal symptoms. These can be medically dangerous, ranging from anxiety and insomnia all the way to seizures. There are meds that can help with this. I urge you to consult with your doctor. He may want to check you in someplace for a few days to monitor your vitals while you detox. This is a totally legitimate medical admission and nearly all insurance will cover it.Here's a link with some useful info:
Don't fear discussing it with your husband. He'll probably consider you a hero for owning up to it.
After, and ONLY after you get dry, you'll be encouraged to start thinking about why you drank and how not to start again. AA can help with this, as can some outpatient programs.
Gotta go to work. Do take this seriously, it's important. Let us know your plan.
God bless..
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Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
you are doing the right thing, reaching out to others. so often we sit and sulk, which does us no good. admitting a problem to another person gets us out of our isolation and into the start of a solution. please look up AA meetings in your area, maybe a womens meeting, and just sit and listen. you don't have to say a word. if they go around the room sharing, you can say your first name and "i pass" and the next person will speak. you will hear things that will ease your pain and even make you smile. please come back and share again, ok? hugs sheila/jj
Aloha Dyna...You've been suspecting the problem for a while now; it's had you guessing and asking and considering "this is a problem". Next step ...you've made it, as others have said...reach out for help.
Chances are that your husband and others already know and have suspected for a time. We actually don't fool anyone...the denial is ours alone and no one else has much of a reason for it regarding your drinking. I've counseled families of alcoholics and addicts...they all knew and it gets better when you lay it aside and speak openly of it and then...go get help for it Keep an open mind cause there is a lot of infor- mation and experiences coming for you. This first step of reaching out and letting others in on your secret, which is not secret for us anymore, is huge if you will just continue forward.
For me recovery came in the rooms of Al-Anon Family Groups and AA and counseling at the VA/AA center, plus some private counseling and then working with sponsors and more. You are at the first step so I suggest you find an AA fellowship closest to you so that you can get to the meeting rooms, the people, the literature and the work.
Most often we find that when we stop drinking most of our other problems also stop. I didn't drink because I had problems...I had problems because I drank.
So again welcome and keep coming back. Help us to stay sober and we will return the favor. Let us know how you are doing as often as you are willing. ((((hugs))))
Plus, with that amount of consumption for that long, you are likely to show withdrawal as your system detoxifies---and you may need to see a qualified medical person if it's really rough, so best you make your husband aware. Hope you get to a meeting-you won't regret it. You do not have to say anything and you can introduce yourself as "Sally Jo, just here to listen", if you wish. You'll quickly find that your natural discomfort is not neccessary.
I'm bunking off work for the week, and spending some time trying to sleep. I don't sleep much, normally, and you can't work a 55 hour week and look after kids and run a business and expect it not to come crashing down eventually.
I'm going to tell him. He doesn't know. I've been hiding it for so long, and it totally feels awesome to actually admit to real people that I'm an alcoholic. Now I just have to get off the sauce!
I remember talking to my boss in the hospital waiting to begin detox. I couldn't believe how relieved I was to have given up keeping this "secret" from everyone -- it was like a huge burden was lifted off of my shoulders. That was a little over a year ago and it's been quite a journey. Good luck to you, hope you find the peace and serenity you deserve.
Thank you again. I hope nobody minds if I keep posting how I'm doing? I've been talking with the husband a great deal but it's always good to get the view from the other side of the fence, so to speak.
Anyway, hospital yesterday was pretty good. I've been reassured that my racing heart and raging insomia are less to do with withdrawal (long-term that is) and the result of damage - my blood tests came back okay - and much more to do with anxiety and massive panic attacks. This is reassuring to my hypocondriac little heart. I have to present today for "supervised detox in the home" which I guess means I get to stay here and they keep an eye on me from afar.
I haven't had a drink since 2.30pm yesterday and it's now 8.10. Some sleep last night would have been nice but you can't have everything. I'm also a little shaky, which is apparently to be expected. The husband's gone to work and taken the big kid to child care. Today's usually my day alone home with the baby, and I've always been very careful not getting *drunk* in sole charge of her but that doesn't mean I didn't still get up for a glass of wine at 7am, you know? Anyway, the husband was great. He's upset that I've been lying to him, and it appears that I have some sort of super-hiding-drinking powers because he didn't really suspect till this last weekend, or says he knew something was wrong and I was drinking more and maybe he should've thought harder about it! But he also says he's proud of me.
The other thing I need to do today, before presenting to hospital for another assessment, is quit my job. I'm frightened of this and don't want to do it, but like I said above you can't work 7 days a week under the pressure I've been under. I hope my boss understands. I'm just saying I'm quitting for health reasons and like many a politician before me, to spend more time with my family (true). Hopefully he'll think it's post-natal depression or something!
You did the right thing. This board is here for you to check in. I am really proud of you for being honest with your husband. Honesty is the principle behind step 1 and step 1 does not work without as thorough a surrender as possible. You have gotten off to a better start than you initially stated. Other folks that keep trying to lie or hide things from their loved ones will find themselves relapsing because it is old behavior. Keep us updated by all means.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Wow! Dynaheir, welcome! Though it's been rocky, I think you really are off to a great start! I'm impressed with how you're taking charge and putting your sobriety first. Please keep us posted~! Heather
Dynaheir wrote:I've been reassured that my racing heart and raging insomia are less to do with withdrawal (long-term that is) and the result of damage - my blood tests came back okay - and much more to do with anxiety and massive panic attacks.
It may help you to know that it's very common for people to become alcoholics because they are trying to self-medicate for anxiety, panic attacks and/or insomnia (that was the case with me). The insidious trick is that while alcohol may calm anxiety in the short-term, over long-term use, it actually INCREASES overall anxiety levels. Now that I've been sober for a while, I find that my anxiety is much more manageable.
