I tried. I really tried. But the page got turned with a bang. Over 5 years ago I left the family. I drank myself inro the ground. I'd done some bignasty harms to my family. I got sober over 4 years ago. I made amends to the best of my ability and make ongoing amends. My adult son and daughter control my life by controlling their mum's life. My now ex wife used to control me by keeping me on the promise of one day, one day. My marriage has been a has been for over 7 years. Now it's over. One of us had to grow a pair, face reality and call it quits. That was me tonight.
And how do I feel? Free. Guiltless.relieved. Must've been the right thing to do then.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Your side of the street is clean. You did all you could and you only live once. I hope anyone reading this uses it as an example of living life on life's terms.
Peace Bill :)
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Peace to you Bill. I have been concerned for you. Keep it close to your HP and keep showing your kids how honesty works--whether they accept it or not, as PC said, your side of the street is clean. Tom
-- Edited by turninggrey on Monday 14th of March 2011 09:09:47 PM
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
Dearest Bill, it has been a long ride for you. so glad you have the freedom and peace of knowing you are doing the right thing for your life. keep close and don't mind the few bumps along the way, you are right where you are supposed to be and HP is closer than a prayer away. hugs sheila/jj
Well, one way to look at it...if one of you needed to grow a pair it's probably to your advantage that it be you!! (seriously-glad you are working through this-nothing will make it not hurt, but with our steps we can endure and move on).
hotel room. Newcastle upon tyne. Sober. Wondering how Eileen is. I've drawn the line in the sand. Stepped across it. There's no going back. I've been worrying around this for a long time. She was trying to do things differently. I couldn't believe her. I felt controlled. Managed. Manipulated. She's angry and hurt. I didn't want her no more. I don't know if I want anyone. I was sick of trying. I'd lost heart to keep going. I put me first. There were some good times. There were some bad. In her anger she went straight for the guilt stick. Said some really hurtful things. I have to remember it's the anger talking. Told me I was a fool a liar a cheat a manipulator devious destructive weak was being led on by a gold digger. Did you screw her she said I can hand on heart say no. Will you take her to so and so's wedding then screw her. Hand on heart no. As she left she said she'll always love me and would be there when I was ready to come home to her! But that's what I've been trying to do for the past 4 years! Too little too late? Or an expression of co dependency? Meanwhile the other woman! We Tried not to get involved. We Tried to keep our distance. We couldn't do it. We Tried to not fall for each other. We didn't get physical thank god. But we got all emotional. I've gone from not being able to keep her out my mind to barely giving her space in my head. I still feel guilt free but not yet free of pain.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Bill, the good thing is that you know in your heart that "this too shall pass". We live such a short life that if you know you are wrong for each other, by freeing her, you help her find whatever is left. If it is not honest and you will be humoring her for the rest of your days, what life is that for her? For you? You have seen often what the affects of one sober individual does to a co dependent relationship. You are not unique in this. Keep it close to the HP. Prayers again tonight for you my friend! Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
Aaaaah Bill...this is what "working the program" is all about. Trust God, Clean house Help others. My exwife is one of the others as is my present wife. My exwives were addicted people and I cannot change addicted people and can only arrest my own. I learned alot of stuff while I've been here and the most important first thing was to let fear be and not react to it, with it, because of it...don't do fear; do HP. I learned how to set the "I" the "me" the "my" etc. stuff down..."kill the ego and squash the pride" my elder sponsor taught me. It isn't all about you and you can be wrong (lots and lots of time) is the new mantra. In order to understand I need to learn how to listen...first with my eyes and then adding in the ears while filtering what I'm listening to thru the filter of my experiences and the Serenity Prayer at the same time.
I don't get life (and others) as I will it...I get it as it is and my most honest work is to adapt to it rather than to have it adapt to me as in the ego and pride lesson. One of the best teaching prayers for me is the Desirata. I read it as I read instructions.
Today I apply principles before personalities within my marriage and within my program and I come to understand how this program really works in all of my affairs.
In support.
-- Edited by Jerry F on Wednesday 16th of March 2011 01:12:59 AM
-- Edited by Jerry F on Wednesday 16th of March 2011 01:14:08 AM
keeping it business like. Only contact is by e mail. Ex wife has asked my best buddy to drop my keys off and collect some stuff this weekend. I see legal team next tuesday.
I can't drink like a gentleman but I'll do my best to behave like one.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
I do not have trust in my ex wife. She does not have trust in me.
Phone calls from her yesterday. Same pattern - some business (have you had a sexual partner other than me in teh last 5 years? - Answer - NO), then both barrels (you f*kin liar, you deceiver, y'manipulator, I hate yer, this is old behaviour, yer programme is sh1t, yer pay lip service to the programme [all this after just 3 alanon meetings - wow), then some pleading (I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,) then some button pushing (I love you. I love you. I love you. ) finally some more anger.
Hell but it's wearing.
Second call repeat the first then what's all this sh1t on FB?
Third call - reverse the first, we'll have 5 minutes of button pushing, then 5 minutes of tears, then we'll have the amends (Sorry, I manipulated one of your friends to read your FB for me - hey don't make amends to me, make amends to the 'friend') then the business (do you want your rowing machine - not really, it's been gathering dust for 5 years - can I have the telescope?) and then the double barrel you're such a sh1t anger.
May God bless her as I try to, she's as sick as I am.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
