Talked to my sponsor again today. Poor bugger is so patient. So today he reminded me that I'm in the middle of a crisis and the best decision I could take is to decide to DO NOTHING.
3 hours later, with the relate counsellor for a one on one and what does she say? EXACTLY the same.
But we also talked boundaries by agreement, changes that I want to make but that need to be agreed.
She also recommended some on going 1 on 1 counselling for me - but either not with her or not with her until after the couples counselling has finished. Have to give that some deep thought.
Finally, as she only knows about 12 step recovery programmes through reading the steps, she expressed an interest in finding out more about AA, asked to be taken to an open meeting, after we have finished the professional relationship. She was shocked to discover that there is a meeting every night of the week within 5 miles of her and especially shocked to find there is a regular meeting in her home village. I did refer her to the website where there is PI for professionals. We did spend a fair amount of time discussing my alcoholism, my recovery - almost like a share - again surpised that a sponsor is 'untrained and unqualified.' But I explained that if I break my leg I go to hospital, not my sponsor. If I have a broken marriage, I go see someone like her, not my sponsor, but that I wouldn't waste my time with her to address my recovery, I'd see my sponsor, 'cos that's what he knows about.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
I know you are eager to move on. My sponsor always says, "WAIT is a verb....... it is doing something." One of the hardest things to do, in my opinion.
bikerbill wrote: But I explained that if I break my leg I go to hospital, not my sponsor. If I have a broken marriage, I go see someone like her, not my sponsor, but that I wouldn't waste my time with her to address my recovery, I'd see my sponsor, 'cos that's what he knows about.
Thats right on Bill. Some things are just so simple. But it takes us so much pain from knocking our heads in the wall before we get it. I can look back and see that I have made a lot of decisions with out weighing things out. All the way back in grade school, the teachers would tell my parents I was impulsive. Knee jerk reactions to my feelings is what I learned in AA. And if my perceptions of reality is skewed, those decisions dont always work out as I imagined. Although, In some big emergency's that kind of thing has paid off. I think that what drives the knee jerk reactions is the programing for instint gradifacation. Thats why alcohol worked so good for me. And I agree with gladlee, waiting is one of the hardest things for me, I was raised with do something even if its wrong. wanted to tell you bill, I enjoy your posts.
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Since it cost a lot to win, and even more to loose, you and me gotta spend some time just wondering what to choose.
Bill, Thanks you for the share. It was a great reminder for me. My Sponsor tells me the same thing- " If you don't know what to do, do nothing & if you don't know what to say, say nothing". So simple, yet so hard for the Alcoholic who wants answer NOW.
I'm wired to have a problem and it needs to be fixed now. Very reactive. The good thing is by working The Program I've become more of a responder than reactive. That means I slow down and let God into the decision making process. The Steps keep me in line with God and more will be revealed.
