Hi everyone i'm an alcoholic with 8 months sobriety. Today I went to my home group meeting and we had our group concious after. I knew that nominations for positions were going to be made, however i wasnt sure exactly how it worked as i had not been apart of this before. I am an intravert and find it difficult to speak in AA meetings. I have not chaired a meeting due to my anxiety. All day i was thinking i hope i dont get nominated for secretary...how will i ever chair a meeting in front of all those men and women? i am only 24 and sometimes feel intimidated if i am the youngest in the room. The time came for nominations for secretary...4 words came out of my mouth, I.will.do.it. WHY?! i nominatied myself, these were gods words not mine for i am now suffering from major anxiety and have a rather large headache. Please i am asking for some reasurance, i need to put my mind to rest.HELP!
I was 5 months sober, when I was nominated as group secretary. I was shocked. I got up and said "Who? Me?" They said yes and gave me the bag. I went home and sat almost half the night going through the stuff and organising myself. I was more diligent in AA work than my own job. 22 years later I chair large meetings and talk with just about anyone. I get called by surprise to speak at outside AA functions. AA really built up my self esteem. God will put us there to make us grow.
Hi DD and welcome to the board. This is a qood place to speak your mind and qet comfortable. We all qo throuqh the fear of speakinq in meetinqs. Remember that these are the same kind of people that you drank with that have just learned how to have fun/have a life without alcohol. There's nothinq to be afraid of. A qood book for losinq fear is Dale Carneqie's "How to stop worryinq and start livinq". The first tool in the book is to reduce your fear to it's riqht size by askinq yourself questions like: Is this problem/event/situation qoinq to kill me? Mame me? Will I be tarred, feathered, and run out of town? Will I be shamed for the rest of my life? Will I be disowned? qo to jail? When you qet down to the possible consequences you then ask yourself if you can live with that outcome. Then you face your problem/situation/event, and if possible, find a solution.
The first thinq that I do when I'm about to speak to a qroup, if I am nervous, is say "I'm a little nervous because I've not done this before or in awhile". After that, the qroup is supportive and the fear qoes away. My wife had a lot of fear about public speakinq so I suqqested that she join Toastmasters (a fellowship of folks that qet toqether and practice speakinq). She went for a year and now she is an administrator and has to address several hundred people twice a week. She's very qood at it, and qets paid well for it.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Sunday 6th of March 2011 08:24:38 AM
Hey DD! Welcome.. A Simple honest message of recovery from addiction always rings true!
Says"you been sittin in a meeting for awhile ,sharing is going on and you are hoping that you won't get called on to share,you have been so self absorbed you barely heard anything previous speakers have said and then BAM, you are asked to share(different meetings different formats) So you stumble up in front of room ,ramble a few sentences ,and walk back to your seat ,embarassed cause you were wondering why you can't seem to connect and your anxiety is overwhelming.The basis of the writings tells us,SHARING IS NOT A COMPETIVE SPORT,first of all ,and just because we got free from activeaddiction,doesnt mean we became stand up public orators,spiritual Guru's or ,fall down in the aisle comedians.!!But it does tell us that bysharing a "simple honest message of recovery from active addiction always it will always ring true. For me,I always ask God in first, to hopefully hear more of God and less of me and I may say I am a little nervous,but I wasn't to nervous to conive how to get to the next "run"so I share from my heart(Step meetings little different cause try to make sure not passing misinformation)I believe we all get nervous at times but sharing who you are and honest matters always seems to work. My dad ,would say when he was alive ,if you know your subject matter ,speaking in front of people is easy.When you don't ,it may get more difficult. 9who knows more about you then you)I believe ,God (of your understanding prompted those 4 words from you.Great job on introducing yourself to service,its how we give back...Nice meeting you...
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Welcome DD! I'm sitting here thinking that if God brought you to it, God is going to get you through it! I admire your faith that God was speaking through you to volunteer... how could you go wrong, if you continue to rely on that force? I am sooo smiling
I am an introvert too, but AA has helped me to believe that I am an equal... you are an equal member! AA is as much yours as it is anyone's! In one of my favorite meetings, the youngest member (both in age and in sobriety) delivers all the AA-related announcements, she is our secretary... doing a fabulous job... and staying sober. She also brings a dessert every single week. She is sooo loved by our group.
You are loved too.... acceptable as-is!!! (((hugs)))
Welcome DD. Public speaking anxiety is a normal human response. This anxiety will diminish once you do the secretary's report once or twice. And remember, people aren't judging you at an AA meeting. Dean's suggesting to admit your nervousness upfront is a good one. Another trick that I use is to start with some unforced humor. A little laughter from the group will help to put you at ease. As gonee said, this could really help you gain confidence in other areas of your life as well, so look at it as an opportunity. And don't project about what might happen. You'll do fine. Good luck!!
Hi everyone i'm an alcoholic with 8 months sobriety. Today I went to my home group meeting and we had our group concious after. I knew that nominations for positions were going to be made, however i wasnt sure exactly how it worked as i had not been apart of this before. I am an intravert and find it difficult to speak in AA meetings. I have not chaired a meeting due to my anxiety. All day i was thinking i hope i dont get nominated for secretary...how will i ever chair a meeting in front of all those men and women? i am only 24 and sometimes feel intimidated if i am the youngest in the room. The time came for nominations for secretary...4 words came out of my mouth, I.will.do.it. WHY?! i nominatied myself, these were gods words not mine for i am now suffering from major anxiety and have a rather large headache. Please i am asking for some reasurance, i need to put my mind to rest.HELP!
LoL I can't tell you how much I relate to this, how many times I've opened up my mind to say "No!!! Are you CRAZY???" and the side of my neck opened up and I heard a voice saying "Yes, of course I'll do it" and then wondering if I was crazy, or even have it happen during shares, go to dispense some vast wisdom that I have been rehearsing in my head as a share and then hearing a voice I don't recognize sharing my deepest, darkest secrets, and telling the truth to a roomful of people, stuff I would never tell anyone.
Personally I believe that is God working through me, and I aint a christian or even big on the whole "having a God that is personal to me idea" but it's happened so many times now that the verdict is in, I can't argue with it
It's funny sometimes working with new people I tell em "OK it's time, time to share at a meeting, time to chair a meeting, time to secretary a meeting, sponsor others" whatever and they start crying "NOOooo, you don't understand, I'm aFRAID...waaaa"
I do understand, but God does for me what I can't do for myself, and me opening my big mouth and getting myself into that mess is one of the ways God does that, cause then even though I am as terrified as a rabbit in front of a snake, I'm not scared enough to say No and break my word
It will be fine, it's like having an out of body experience, and it's incredibly healing
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
A great resource is the booklet "A.A The Group-Where It All Begins", which you can read online from AA.org It describes how to hold different positions, like secretary. Also worth checking to see if your group already has a written format for the secretary's report and the business meeting.
I use to drink in the corner in the dark, fear based, shunning others. I got into AA and my first meeting found me in the corner in the dark and since after also saying "I will do it" (for me...I will do it) I have not only chaired meetings but founded them while doing other service also. The largest part of "changing what I can" is changing me.
You'll do fine...most of the other members run the meeting.
wow what an amazing bunch of advice from everyone...i did not expect this at all! That is the great thing about AA, people will always be there to support you. I went to bed with anxiety and have woken up with a headache but after reading everyones replies am feeling better. i dont start for another 3 weeks so i am handing it over to god and he/she can handle it for me. I know deep down this will be good for me and I want to give back to others. Thanks again xxxxxxxx
DD...This is the kind of post I really like to read. I took a secretary position too that lasted 6 months and it started when I had about 9 months sober. I knew it would carry me to a year and 3 months and it did. The nervousness will wear off with practice. You will be fine. It is impossible to screw up an AA meeting. The meetings are made by the people that show up and doing service is awesome...but it does not make or break the meeting. Good job taking on the commitment. I am guessing you would not have gotten this 8 months sober if you hadn't already picked up on the fact that much of getting sober is about doing things you are uncomfortable with and riding out the feelings that go with that....I think that is probably why you instinctively took the commitment. You are on the right track!
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Thank you for posting this! This sounds a lot like me....I am also an introvert, 9months sober, and 23 years old - and get intimated easily as well as get social anxiety sometimes. I was nominated for an events position at a meeting at 5 months sober and I had to chair a meeting at a huge young people event. I was terrified. I didnt know how I was going to speak in front of all these people, yet I knew that it was my responsibility. If I did the right thing, God would get me through it. So I said a prayer before i chaired, and half the time you couldnt even hear me (i didnt get to use a microphone) yet I did my part and I didnt die or drink over it!! In fact, it gave me more confidence to chair other (smaller) meetings. The first times we do things are going to be difficult and will be nervous. Thats okay though!! You identified your feelings and we rely on God and we get through it and are stronger for the next time, until it doesnt even bother us anymore. And then we go to the next step which is helping another alcoholic through this same situation. And how could you help someone without going through it yourself? Even if you mess up you can still have hope because you are doing the right thing....we gotta feel to heal! You're exactly we're your supposed to be. :) THank you!
Hi DD I am even to nervous to share on this message board because this is new to me. Because you are going to have the courage to stand in front of a meeting I am going to give it a try. Some of the thoughts that are going thru my mind is : Is my alias stupid? Will my share be as useful as everyone else? I don't share in online meetings because I think my typing is to slow! It will be great for my sobriety to reach out through the internet, therefore I am facing the fear and doing anyway so thanks for being an inspiration to me.
Hi DD I am even to nervous to share on this message board because this is new to me. Because you are going to have the courage to stand in front of a meeting I am going to give it a try. Some of the thoughts that are going thru my mind is : Is my alias stupid? Will my share be as useful as everyone else? I don't share in online meetings because I think my typing is to slow! It will be great for my sobriety to reach out through the internet, therefore I am facing the fear and doing anyway so thanks for being an inspiration to me.
Hi Travelisa
We all have these fears and thoughts(well at least i do....obviously). the only way to overcome a fear is to face it. My mum said to me once we all have to do things we dont want to. i tell myself this over and over(it seems i am always doing things i dont want, the reason being for not wanting to is fear). Everytime i share i get nervous but have to tell myself i am not alone and to recieve i must give something back, wether i like it or not. Things do get easier with time.Thank you for facing your fears to give something back to me...you are the inspiration here. I thank my Higher Power and AA everyday for this new way of living as i trudge the road of happy destiny.xx
Congrats on your service commitment! I'm sure you will do a great job and outgrow some of the fear stuff in the process. Turn it over and trust God
We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connec tion with them. We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasnt it because self-reliance failed us? page 68
Notice that the word fear is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer, and the wife. This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didnt deserve. But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? Sometimes 68 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble. We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connec tion with them. We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasnt it because self-reliance failed us? Self- reliance was good as far as it went, but it didnt go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didnt fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse. Perhaps there is a better waywe think so. For we are now on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity. We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at those who think spiritu ality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead we let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
My sponsor made me commit to being a group Secretary at 9 months sober, that was 26 years ago and I have been sober ever since. It turned out to be great way to become involved and connected.
I hope this can be reassuring.
Take care,
Rob
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Wow! DD, that is awesome! I'm looking forward to hearing what you learn from this experience. I bet it will be a big thing in your life! New doors will open, new courage and self esteem will emerge. Even after the first time you secretary I bet you will feel more empowered. Just keep doing what you're doing, it seems to be working! Let go, and let God. Do the next right thing that is in front of you. Like Travelisa, I am inspired by your courage!I almost backed out of a chairing position yesterday because of the 200+ people who showed up to the meeting unexpectedly, many with 30 years sobriety! And like you, I have 8 months...but I thought God put me in this seat for a reason today, so I'm gonna roll with it. It turned out to be a wonderful experience! WE can do this thing! Heather
Hi DD I am even to nervous to share on this message board because this is new to me. Because you are going to have the courage to stand in front of a meeting I am going to give it a try. Some of the thoughts that are going thru my mind is : Is my alias stupid? Will my share be as useful as everyone else? I don't share in online meetings because I think my typing is to slow! It will be great for my sobriety to reach out through the internet, therefore I am facing the fear and doing anyway so thanks for being an inspiration to me.
