Ok, lets see,,,,. lie or truth, temp high feelings or dealing with REAL feelings... here it all goes..
I did good for a while... well a couple months since last time.. but I drank tonight. as I type this its 11:50 my time so my new sobriety date is 3-6-11 kinda a weird date but Im kinda weird. with all the posts about picking a perfect date I think this will do........... anyways in the last week, I lost my last gf, (8 in 14 months) and my uncle (died from the disease) other than that I havent hit a new rock bottom.. drinking here and there the last couple months, even encouraged at my new job too I feel guilt but I know most quit at a bottom, I want to quit tomorrow,focus on me and the new codepant forum here but I still feel ashamed, certain people here know me personally and we been through a lot D,J, and L but Im coming clean, please drag me by my ears, PM me before I do you and lets talk on the phone...I have unlimited long distance, can and will call...I feel ashamed but realize that I can be honest here..so F it.. I still am alive n trying..
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Hey Steve, I echo what happycamper said. I hear a lot of "me me me's" but not many "we we we's". I don't often hear of you talk about qoinq to meetinqs reqularly, workinq with your sponsor, workinq steps, workinq a service postion, hanqinq with your AA buds, or helpinq others. How about limitinq your sharinq to those topics? Perhaps that will motivate you to enqaqe in them. About 6 qirl friends aqo, you said that you were qoinq to stay out of relationships for a year and focus on your proqram. How about some talk like that? How about qoinq and askinq the oldest, crustiest, biq book thumpinq AA nazi in your qroup to be your sponsor and do whatever he suqqests for 6 months? That's what I did.
The saying goes ... Keep coming back. Underlying that is DONT drink, get a sponsor, work the steps and pray to God, then help others.
Doesnt seem to me that you are ready to entirely give up the booze Steve, nor are you willing to go any length to stay sober.
Bottom? I think everyones is different. Hopefully yours wont be when youre graveyard dead.
Quoted for truth
Half measures don't work for guys like us Steve, the willingness to go to any length and then doing so is what works
Dean's right, ask a crusty scary old guy to be your sponsor and then do exactly what he says for 6 months, you WILL be amazed before you are half way through
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Sounds like you're struggling & you have not truly finished the first step. Sounds like you really don't feel the powerlessness & the unmanageability of it all .you say nothing seriously bad happened the last time you drank. Well, yeah, it did....you drank. It doesn't matter who your friends, family & lovers are or are not. It doesn't matter what your job is, or if you even have one, or a home, a car, or anything else. What matters is if YOU want to be SOBER for YOU, and if YOU are willing to go to any lengths to get there. This whole sober life is a very new way of life for me, less than 60 days. Within 2 weeks of my initial attempt, I was back at day one. When I looked honestly at how I got there so soon, I realized that I was approaching sobriety as a life long sentence ,of a sort. You know, how am I ever gonna have fun if I can't drink or drug again for the rest of my life? What if I'm stressed or pissed off or happy or sad? Two things changed for me at that time. First I had to admit the true powerlessness I have over alcohol (and for me drugs too) and second, I made a commitment to myself to stay sober for 24 hours at a time and to work a 12 step program with a sponsor. So far these choices are working for me. I go to meetings almost daily,sometimes more than one. I grab on to all the experience, strength & hope I can, and leave the rest. I read and learn and lean on my HP. And I commit to stay sober, just for this 24hrs. I'll deal with the next one if & when it gets here. So keep trying, don't pick up, just for this 24hrs. Go to a meeting, find a sponsor and work the program. It's not gonna happen any other way. Good luck & Peace. Oh, and 3/6/11 is a perfect date to start the rest of your life.
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I asked God for all things that I may enjoy life. He gave me life so that I may enjoy all things.
Steve, I understand. The ONLY reason why I didn't wake up with a hangover, swearing never to touch another drop of alcohol and then waltzing into the pub around 12 noon was because I try to work this AA program of recovery. I work the steps with a sponsor and get to meetings and I do service at meetings. If I stop doing that, if I stop making AA my number one priority, I WILL see a pub and say "why not" and I WILL be unable to have just one pint in that pub.
I know now that it works if I work it and it won't if I don't.
I'm not here to bash you or drag you by the ears anywhere. You seem to think that put downs and admonishments are going to help you get sober. They wont. Nobody is going to get you sober but you. I have not heard you post about taking anyone's suggestions here and how that turned out for you. You have been given about 10 great suggestions in this post alone. How about following some suggestions and then you won't have to have such a hard time with this?
P.S. - Everyone here wants you to succeed.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Aloha Steve...just an awareness? When you get to love yourself as much as the fellowship does you will also want to keep yourself alcohol free and entrenched in the program. What its it about you that is so unlovable that you need to be under the influence of alcohol? Just some questions I asked myself early on. Letting us love you until you can love yourself means you need to do what we do.
Hey Steve. There is no shame in starting over. Life has many new beginnings, and I hope for you that this time this thing takes hold. You have shown strength and courage by admitting defeat and coming back here. God is with you all the time, and every time we fall there is a lesson to be learned. Listen to your Higher Power and you will know what you need to do. The steps and principles are only suggestions, but they work. If you want this thing to work, you're probably going to have to do what others have done...including laying off relationships for awhile. If you're like me, this is VERY tough to do...but our sobriety must be our top priority.
Welcome back, my friend. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. You belong here. You have this desire. You're one of "us" and we love you no matter what. Heather
Good to hear from you Steve. What step were you working when you decided to pick up a drink? Did you call your sponsor or anyone else in the program? How many meetings were you going to a week? Does all this sound familiar? LOL I've herd (well, read) you admit time and time again your an alcoholic. So your saying your an alcoholic who drank? OMG, it can't be true. :)~ Stop beating yourself up for doing what we know how to do. So you slipped up. The important thing is your back and being honest. One of the things we say allot here at work is "it takes what it takes." Evidently you weren't done drinking. You still may not be, but your here now, and that's what can and will save your ass when your bottom finally comes. The most important thing is no matter what, KEEP COMING BACK!!!
I had a sponsee who had the same relationship issues that you face. He couldn't stay out of them, even for a month or two. Every time he got involved with a new one he wound up drinking for one reason or another. I finally told him he may as well consider a new relationship a relapse. He didn't like the idea much, but humored me for several months. He felt ready for a new relationship, and fell head over heels "in love" with this new girl. He had finally found his soul mate. 3 months later she's dating a new guy, and he hasn't been seen or heard from for a few weeks now. So how about this...when you think about getting involved, picture your life not only with her, but with a bottle too. Your past patterns speak for themselves Steve. Time to break the cycle and try something new.
I'm pretty sure at least one of the books I sent you has the phone # for where I work. Use that free long distance to call...I'm there Friday night through Monday night, and part of my job is to help those who call at all hours of the night in need. Take it easy, keep it simple, and above all else, don't take that first drink!!!
Brian
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Nothing ever truly dies. The universe wastes nothing. Everything is simply, transformed. :confuse:
