Yes, pretty much. It's something like wanting forgiveness. The remorse off not having the ability to forgive oneself. victims of vitims = the wreckage of alcoholism across generations
I struggled with my defects for quite awhile when I first came to a 12-step program, I could not forgive myself either. One day, my sponsor asked me if my Higher Power would forgive me. And I said, yes, of course. She explained to me that if my HP could forgive me, and I wouldn't..... wasn't I actually playing god????
I recently read this...
"Once we begin making amends, we'll realize how much remorse, guilt, and resentment we've been carrying. Having turned the light on these obstacles, we no longer stumble over the "wreckage of the past."
Making amends, we'll experience another paradox of recovery: strength and serenity come from humility and vulnerability. We gain strength when we let other people see us as we are. We gain honor and respect for ourselves when we are open and honest and responsible, able to respond appropriately.
As we dare to tell the truth, we start to participate more fully in life. We create a healthy environment in which our old patterns are less likely to reemerge. When we heal the past - setting our relationships right - we take the Ninth Step out of the old life and into the new."
I like that part... "out of the old life and into the new"
Your post made me think of the kind of funeral I want to have... a celebration... bright balloons.... the finest multi-course meal... beautiful flowers... I want to be the hostess that day. I want to throw a party in gratitude, for my fabulous friends and teachers. I imagine it will be mostly AA's. That would be awesome.
-- Edited by gladlee on Friday 4th of March 2011 09:07:58 AM
I agree with HeatherK, it is the opposite of living amends; but in some cases that may be all you can do for some people.
When I was at that step I wish I had been able to do more living amends; some I had written down in long letters but never mailed them or read it to the person--I had to go to their gravesite and do it, spent hours there reading and crying and wishing how they would of reacted and had they been around to see me change my live around.
For some amends do not wait for that step, if it bothers you now that you have found a new way of life, let those people know before they are gone.
I learned the hard way about amends--I was told to wait, and there is not a day that goes by that I wish I had listened to my instinct and gone ahead and talked to that person about my new life.
