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Post Info TOPIC: My Story ~ As brief as I can make it


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My Story ~ As brief as I can make it
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Hi ... not sure how to begin.  I've been on message boards before, but this is a little different.

I'm an alcoholic and my husband is also an alcoholic sober for 33 years.  I met him 6 months into his sobriety.  So when I recognized several years later that I had a problem, I couldn't have asked for better support.

Such a long story and I don't know how to make it short.  I was born in New York, spent my entire childhood in the beautiful northeastern Connecticut countryside. 

I'm a dabbler; I dabbled in so many things ... played piano, guitar, sang, acted in community theatre.  If I couldn't succeed immediately at something I walked away.  I'm a quitter.  I quit college, I quit jobs when they got rough, I quit relationships.  After a few turbulent years in Hartford and Boston,  I moved to New York City.

I drank from the time I first went to college.  Living in New York in the late 60's and 70's was "interesting"wink.  I was single for most of that time and it was often timultuous.  Extremely insecure and suffering from a huge inferiority complex, little by little I drank more and more because it gave me confidence.  In my professional life I achieved the success I wanted, but nothing extraordinary.  I felt content in my career accomplishments.

I felt more confident, more sociable and a lot more fun, when I drank.  I would do most of my drinking before I got to the party so to speak.  No one guessed I drank too much and everyone I knew drank about the same amount.  I remember a doctor once asking me if I ever drank alone (in those days a sure sign of an alcoholic) and I carefully responded that I lived alone so how else was I to drink?

I'm not sure where to stop this story.  It was such a slow progression.  I married, moved to NJ, I felt happy.  But a couple of years into my marriage I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror one evening and I didn't like what I saw.  I looked terrible.  I would get into arguments with my husband and forget what it was about the next day.  I would sleep late, drink earlier in the day, often stretching it into the morning, always careful not to be seen drinking too much.  Even my husband, now completely sober, never guessed the trouble I was in.  I started to black out more and more; I bought half gallons of Popov vodka and poured it into a smaller bottle and kept it in the freezer.  With a black tip marker I kept track of how much I was drinking and finally realized it was over half a quart a day.

That might not seem frightening to many, but it was to me.  I was in a downward spiral and I knew it.  I had nightmares of being in an elevator in free fall and I couldn't get out.  There was no way back up without stopping drinking and I couldn't imagine my life without alcohol.  I was sure there would be no joy left, no light, no laughter, nothing.  But it had also come to a point where any 'joy' I got from alcohol was brief and the rest was all darkness.

And then it happened.  A TV show, a book "It Must Be 5:00 Somewhere" where a woman discussed what is was to be a female and an alcoholic.  No one knew I drank too much.  I functioned, cooked, went to work.

And that was the "click", the awakening.  I stopped drinking and my life began.

Sorry it was so long; I really did try to make it short.smile

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Molly


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Wow, good for you. I see over in the birthday thread that you have 24 years sober. What brings you to this little online community? Expanding your sobriety horizons a bit?

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Recently I had lunch with some people I had never met and one gentleman asked me if I was a friend of Bill.  I'm very open with everyone about being an alcoholic and I told him I was.  We talked about AA and I said I haven't gone to meetings for years.  He told me I should.  He said even if I didn't need the support for myself, that I could certainly serve as a support for others.

And so I wondered about that.  I am in such a good place right now.  I thought maybe I could help someone else find their way.  Something last night made me google and I found this site.

On the other hand, I've tried so many times to help my brother and couldn't get through to him.  No matter how much I tried to tell him how beautiful life can be "on the other side", I couldn't get through to him.

So, to be honest, I'm not really sure why I'm here.  While my husband always says we'll drink when we're 85, I know we won't.  Sobriety is just too good to take that chance.

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Molly


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Hello and Enjoy !!
Wayne

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MIP Old Timer

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Hi Molly! Wow, your early life and your drinking -- bar that I'm a male and not from the States ; -- sound so similar to mine!

Honoured to have you here, helping keep me sober...welcome!

This message board is a first point of contact for many, many people who need AA, so your experience, strength and hope will be invaluable to many newcomers!

Best

Steve

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Thanks, Steve.  I'm sure many of our stories are so similar.  I believe that many people who drink are just hiding, trying to find their inner/better/superior self.  I think we all share in that.

That's why so many of us are creative.  For me it was singing/acting and now I write a lot.  I could get up on stage and be someone else, but I can't get in front of a group and be myself.  I thought drinking gave me strength when I did just the opposite and I never realized back then what a depressant alcohol actually is.

Back then I wish we'd had computers and a message board like this.  It's such a great stepping stone for people to learn there are so many other out there like us and one step closer to seeking the help we need.

I called AA so many times years before I actually stopped.  I spoke with so many wonderful voices on the other end of the line, but to have a place like this to come, to share, is just invaluable (as you say, Steve).

At this point in my life I always feel that if I can just make one person's day a little more hopeful, or more fun, or brighter ... then that's one good reason I got up that morning.



-- Edited by McMolly on Saturday 26th of February 2011 04:45:40 PM

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Molly


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Molly,

Thanks for sharing your story. You're ESH is much apperciated and I know you can provide some great insights to help fellow AA's on the forum.

There are a lot of great people here, I find it to be good way to stay "plugged in" during breaks and idle time.

Keep coming back!

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Rob

"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."

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