and having read the book that was about all the sense I got out of it. Permit me to ramble and maybe even rant a little. It's cathartic for me.
Wot a f****r of a day. I work in the comms industry. I was asked to represent my company in a neighbour dispute. It's plain that the complainant has deeper issues than the installation looks ugly. Patience and tolerance, manners and listening to her helped, but dealing with the local councillor and the MP was a challenge.
Then of course there was the drive back across the beautiful moorland - but in a tailback of 15 mph traffic. Gives me more time to admire the views I suppose.
Then the first Relate couples counselling meeting, another one booked for next week. Jesus, you'd think my missus knew all about alcoholism from the get go. So she knew I was an alkie when she met me did she? Like F**k. She's been reading the Big Book and Dr. Paul O and got really scared I think. Then she had a go at the Alanon book. Maybe she'll figure out that the book is only one leg of the tripod, maybe she won't, but of course now she knows all about it.
She's not happy with the new comms regime, she's not happy that I want us to move forward, she sees that she has 'issues' but doesn't seem to think they are major problems - maybe letting our daighter control her and our life isn't a big issue to her but is sure f******g is for me.
At least she agrees that currently we are neither mentally, emotionally or spiritually fit to live together and has agreed that we need to resolve those issues before we make any life changing decisions.
Then a very welcome but very small meeting. I left the counsellors at 7 p.m. which didn't leave me enough time to get to my chosen meeting so I went to the one where the other woman would be there. Fortunately with her sponsor as it was her 1st soberversary (again) so at least there was cake. But I'm going to hide behind the yellow card if Eileen asks where I went and who I saw. Next counselling session will end at 7:15 p.m. so if I want a meeting that'll be the only one I can make. I shared this in the meeting so that the other woman or her sponsor could object (in private) if they wanted to but no negative response thank God.
As far as the other woman goes I reckon we both realise that it was a pipe dream fantasy - thank God we didn't get physical when we had the chance.
Finally, 11 years ago today at this time I was sitting at my Dad's bedside at hospital waiting for him to breathe his last. Thankfully I fell asleep and was sent to a sleeping room. Dad slipped away at about 6 in the morning, with his best mate holding his hand, while I slept. His last gift to me I reckon. I still miss the old bugger at times though and this is one of those times.
He was an old bugger who didn't really know how to show his feelings but there was some kindness there. I remember as a little kid getting wrappped up in his coat and held close in a thunderstorm when we were walking round to my grannies, I remember how pleased he was when I became a Dad for the first time, I vaguely remember him trying to throttle me (well it wasn't me he'd totally lost it didn't know what he was doing.) I remember the tims we went fishing. I remember coming 4th in a big fishing comptetion when he came 5th and he was so chuffed to bits with me. I remember how after the throttling incident that he said that he would do whatever it took to see his grandkids again and how much he changed. I remember how much he loved my son and daughter. I remember him ringing me up to tell me as best he could that he was going to die and real soon (why just tell me though - I was the family drunk FFS). I remember him asking me to help him change his pyjamas in hospital because he was embarrased that his daughter was doing it and I remember the way he held on to me. I remember the courage and acceptance he showed in his last days. I miss the old bastard.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Forgot to say, though there's tears in my eyes, I ain't f'''''''g drinking on none of this shit. It won't fix my marriage or my family, it won't bring my Dad back. But the next person to remind me that pain is the touchstone of growth, well shit, they might just get a smack in the slats and see what they grow from that.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
I thought you meant Gregory peck, so I was looking for the pertinent quotes from "To Kill A Mockingbird" then I just tried googling peck life is hard
Interesting, and it seems to kind of fit exactly what you have been writing about, boss, wife, kids etc
The Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck. The first sentence in the book is: Life is difficult. Now, if you pick up a book and the first thing it tells you is life is difficult you may just think is this book going to get reassuring and encouraging after such a start?
But, as Peck goes on to explain, once you accept that life is hard, it no longer becomes an issue that its difficult. He says:
Once we know that life is difficult- once we truly understand and accept it - then life is no longer difficult.
In life you will have difficulties getting anything you want. It is very rare to get anything in life without some degree of effort. Only if you win the lottery will you have everything without effort, and even then you would have had to go out and buy the lottery ticket anyway so its not free at all.
Life is hard your boss will not always be the nicest person in the world. Your job will have challenges that you did not foresee. Your workmates will sometimes be a pain. You wont always get the salary and recognition that you want and deserve at work. Your clients may not be the nicest people in the world.
Life is hard your kids wont always be the ideal kids you want them to be. Your wife or husband may not be as perfect as you thought they were when you married them in fact I can guarantee you they are not. Your home may not be the ideal place you would want it to be. You may not the perfect wife or husband that you once thought you were.
Life is hard running a business is not as easy as you thought it would be. No one is lining up to bring money to your business, even though you are a really nice person and your business has great products to offer.
I could go on and on with these examples, but the bottom line is that Life is hard.
I dont mean to say in all this that you dont deserve a break. I am not saying that you are not justified in thinking that you deserve more than what you have gotten from life and the world to this point.
I am not saying that you are not justified in feeling the way that you feel. I know you have had it tough at times. I know that at times you feel that its all very confusing and just too hard. I mean you have worked very hard. Youve done all that you possibly could in your life whether it is at work or at home. But things just dont seem to have worked out as well as you had planned or hoped. It all just seems to have gone wrong and you dont know or understand how or why.
But thats okay. Its normal. Thats what being human is all about. Thats what life is all about. Life is hard. Accept that.
Once you do, you will feel better about your circumstances. Then you wont think of your situation as anything but what is common to every human being. Then you will think of your situation as a part of life. You will no longer beat yourself up about how bad things are or how you are not doing so well in one area or another. You will realise that you are only human. You make mistakes just like everybody else. You are not perfect just like everybody else.
But dont stop there. Accepting that life is hard does not mean that you accept every circumstance and simply go with the flow.
You see, there are two sides to this story. There is another side to this coin. On the one side of the coin is where you have the words life is hard inscribed, but if you turn that coin over you will five very small but powerful words. They read: You can make it better That is one of the beautiful things about life. You can make your life better. You have total responsibility for what you do and how you respond to the fact that life is hard. As the now cliché saying goes:
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade.
Accepting that life is hard comes with accepting that you have the responsibility to make it better. Not only do you have the responsibility to make it better, you have the ability and the power to make it better.
You can make it better become a better employee and someone worth giving more responsibilities at work. The promotions and the better pay are sure to follow one way or another.
You can make it better learn how to raise better kids and have a happier home. Become the good husband or wife you would like your spouse to be.
You can make it better learn how to turn that business around. Gain the extra skills you need to run a successful business.
You see, the only person you have any control over is yourself. You cannot change other people. Lets take the example of marriage for moment. Notice that I did not say you should turn your husband or spouse into an ideal spouse. I said you should become the ideal husband or wife you want your spouse to be. Then, once you become such a person you may have several choices as to how to relate to your spouse.
Firstly, once you are as near perfect a spouse as anyone can be your husband or wife might see the difference and also decide to change for the better or they may just change naturally as a response to your new attitude. Secondly, if they dont change, perhaps you will have reached a level of maturity where you are content and satisfied with who they are and their faults no longer bother you. Or thirdly, in some cases, such as in abusive relationships or in relationships that are a risk to your health, you may reach a level of self acceptance and courage where you are able to leave that abusive or unfaithful partner.
Whatever the case may be, this example illustrates one other important fact about teh fact that life is hard and taking responsibility. That is: You always have choices No matter what situation you are in, you have a choice. No matter how bad things are, you have a choice. No matter what you think you can or cannot do, you have a choice.
Now it may not be an easy choice, by any means. It may be a very difficult choice and the road you decide to take may be a tough one. It may push you way out of your comfort zone. It may mean that in the initial period your life may get even harder than it already is. But it is a choice nonetheless.
A lot of times you will actually find that the choices are not as hard as you thought they were. You may just have shut off your mind from seeing those choices and possibilities because you thought you had no choice. Once you become open to the idea that you are responsible for your life and that you have choices, you will find that you are no longer stuck just because life is hard.
At that point, life is still hard, but you have the final say. Your life becomes more meaningful and purposeful.
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Thanks Bill...You pulled out a bit of my own journey which caused me to feel with you. There are smooth and beautify sections as long as you can stay rooted in this program. I sure could take bad stuff and make it worse without major thought.
Life is hard...attitude gets to determine just how hard that is.
