Jim...Don't underestimate the power of the rooms. You don't know what is going to happen from day to day and your HP might lift your desire to drink before you expect (though it's going to take work). Not saying you should not take antabuse....but if you are really ready this time...you will do whatever it takes and it wont matter. Either way, this is a turning point. Keep coming back here and let us in on your journey. We are here for you.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Thank you! I know that Antabuse can be somewhat controversial, but I had to do something. I fear of losing everything and will be out on the street. I'm to high maintenance to live on the streets! Thanks again for the welcome.
Jim...Don't underestimate the power of the rooms. You don't know what is going to happen from day to day and your HP might lift your desire to drink before you expect (though it's going to take work). Not saying you should not take antabuse....but if you are really ready this time...you will do whatever it takes and it wont matter. Either way, this is a turning point. Keep coming back here and let us in on your journey. We are here for you.
I've been an active beeralcoholic for probably 30 years, but crossed the line to vodka about 4 years ago. Been in and out of treatment, and in and out of AA for about 3 years. Aside froma alcohol, I so struggle with the Higher Power thing. I'm told the more I go to meeting, I will just need to fake it until I make it. I really plan to visit here often. I hope I don't get anyone's nerves! And thank you.
Good luck. Hard to know specifically how to encourage you without knowing how much you're drinking. Antabuse won't suppress withdrawal symptoms and those are a big challenge in the short term. I guess if you've got a prescription then you've discussed it with your doc and he's OK.
Anyway, good luck!
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Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
Good luck. Hard to know specifically how to encourage you without knowing how much you're drinking. Antabuse won't suppress withdrawal symptoms and those are a big challenge in the short term. I guess if you've got a prescription then you've discussed it with your doc and he's OK.
Anyway, good luck!
The last 4 years, I drink a six pack and a pint ove vodka when I get home from work. I'm still gonna do the whole AA thing, I just need a jump start or I simply will not stop drinking. Thanks for the good luck!!!
-- Edited by Jimhere4u on Sunday 20th of February 2011 04:46:39 PM
Just keep your mind open. Former treatment and AA experiences mean nothing at this point. You hear stuff about the low success rate of AA and people that have relapsed losing faith in it, though when a person thoroughly follows the path...the success rate is 100 percent.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Just keep your mind open. Former treatment and AA experiences mean nothing at this point. You hear stuff about the low success rate of AA and people that have relapsed losing faith in it, though when a person thoroughly follows the path...the success rate is 100 percent.
I know, I know...Though I always get something out of a meeting, I have a hard time with a higher power, and some of those people that just talk and talk and talk, really turn me off. Like I said, I'm going to fake it until I make it. That's what everyone says. I just know that something will click! My mind is open, and even though today is my first day, I'm thinking suprisingly clear. I know the next few days may be a different story. Thanks for the words of encouragement.
-- Edited by Jimhere4u on Sunday 20th of February 2011 06:48:30 PM
You are welcome Jim. I can tell you that while this site didn't replace AA to me...I found MIP when I had about 60 days sober. It is now over 2 years and 4 months and this site has really helped me along the way.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
You are welcome Jim. I can tell you that while this site didn't replace AA to me...I found MIP when I had about 60 days sober. It is now over 2 years and 4 months and this site has really helped me along the way.
Not sure what MIP means, but my intention is to someday say that I too have been 2 years and 4 months sober. Congrats to you!
Nevermind. MIP= Mircales in Progess.
-- Edited by Jimhere4u on Sunday 20th of February 2011 08:03:26 PM
Good for you ... it takes alot of courage to put yourself on antabuse. Ihope it helps you.
I would suggest to NOT drink while taking it tho, and do your research on the med.
I would also suggest finding a same sex sponsor, work the steps and then share that with others. For it probably wont be long after you get started on that path, that you will most likely not have a problem with the 'God' thing.
Again, welcome and take care Jim. You can do this, its your life why not make it a good one
Good for you ... it takes alot of courage to put yourself on antabuse. Ihope it helps you.
I would suggest to NOT drink while taking it tho, and do your research on the med.
I would also suggest finding a same sex sponsor, work the steps and then share that with others. For it probably wont be long after you get started on that path, that you will most likely not have a problem with the 'God' thing.
Again, welcome and take care Jim. You can do this, its your life why not make it a good one
I was on Antabuse about 2 years ago. I was too fearful to drink and was sober for about 28 days. I then decided that I could administer the meds myself. I stop taking them and started drinking after a few days. I believe I really am comitted this time. I plan to spend alot of time here listeneing and learning from all you guys. Thank you for the warm welcome. If I do or say anything stupid while I'm here, please tell me!
I came in an atheist. I read the Big Book on the subject (We Agnostics) and that helped some, as did just deciding that the power greater than myself, which I did believe was necessary to help me, could just as well be called god as not-I was desparate and could not afford to get hung up on anything that would doom me to failure. When I got aggrevated with people's drunkalogs (which I did) and tired of the AA "slogan robots" who talked a good game but demonstrated very little growth iand positive change in sobriety, I made myself go to lots of Big Book Study, 12 & 12, and Step Study discussion meetigns. That helped a lot. Also making sure I got my bit of air time when I needed it, rather than staying silent and leaving with a resentment or a poor-me attitude. Most of all, I took each step in turn, according to the book. I could not stiop drinking...many tools, including Antabuse when used as directed...help to get detoxed and stable early on. Thanks to this program I have not found it necessary to put alcohol in my body in many, many years. A day at a time. And that never changes. It is always a day at a time, no matter how much time those days add up.
Aloha Jim and a welcome from the Pacific along with the others you've gotten here...Higher Power difficulties...had them to and one of the things that helped me was learning that I was switching Higher Powers a kinder, gentler, more loving one than the ones I was drinking. Don't defense any of the examples that come at you in the fellowship...listen to them all. That is how I got my own Higher Power which started with a doorknob...evolved into a vacuum cleaner and morphed into the group. I've been taught by athiests and Blackfoot Indians.
I have a Higher Power today who does't live inside of a bottle.
Thanks guys! Day2 and no jitters yet. Stayed home from work though. I don't have a history of seizures or anything, but still nervous. Unfortunately, my first thought when I woke up yjis morning was to get a 6 pack. Guess that won't be happening!
In my town I have two AA meetings I attend; a daily topic/discussion and a weekly step/tradition and both of them are AA lierature driven. The reesult is that every February we talk a LOT about Step 2, every March Step 3, etc. S for the last 21 days I have been hearing and talking a LOT about "a power greater than myself."
In retrospect, for my first few weeks my "higher power" was Fear. Fear of Loss. I was afraid of losing my job, my family but most of all my life. The suicide bus stops at the intersection of Drunk & Depressed with regular frequency.
Then my higher power was AA. The people in AA with sober-time, months or years, had what I wanted; freedom from fear, solidarity, a sense of security and happiness. If I couldn't believe in anything else, at least I could believe in what I SAW & HEARD right in front of me; AA works if ya work it.
After I chose a sponsor and listened with an open mind & heart, I saw that I was allowed to "create" my own God. Just like my atheist self had always arrogantly accused religious people of doing. Except now I was WILLING to say to myself "Huh. Why not?" I had surrendered just enough self-will and arrogance that I no longer felt superior to other people. I was humble enough to ACCEPT that for millions of years, human beings JUST LIKE ME have enjoyed the power of Faith. I was no "better" than them. If God had brought peace & hope to billions of people for millions of years, then Faith could certainly help me combat the madness of my addiction.
At that moment, reading my Big Book and smoking a cigarette on the concrete steps of the condemned property across the street from my home, I rounded out Step 2.
In time I read spiritual writings that helped me "round out" what my "It" is. At first, I assigned "It" characteristics of loving, patient, paternal...whatever I needed at the time.
Today, I don't have a God...God...has...me. It's a big jump and it takes time, but without it I would still be at the intersection of Drunk & Depressed waiting for the next bus.
Peace, Rob
-- Edited by Aquaman on Monday 21st of February 2011 11:07:55 AM
Good luck. Take it an hour at a time! Hey, we were born 6 months apart and I was a beeraholic for 30 years too, along with hard stuff the last several years. Keep pluggin' away sir, it gets better.
You have no idea how glad I found this board. I go to a meeting in about an hour and another at 6:30 tonite. I'be been to neither before. A little nervous! Still no jitters or anything. Just the undying urge to get a six pack and a pint of Smirnoff. I have a fantasic partner of 14 years that has been ver active in Alanon the past several years. In my experience, thank God for those Alanon people or I wouldn't have a computer to even be on at the moment. Again, I appreciate all the words of encouragement. I think I'm gonna do it this time. One of my fears that I can't let go of not being able to have a cocktail every now and again. Going to a concert at the end of the month and a cruise in the srping. I'm always the one to rack up a 1000.00 bar bill by the end of the cruise. I guess those days are gone, but it's going to be excruciating!
If I had that kind of history with a cruise, I wouldn't go on the cruise. It would be a set-up for disaster. I had to cahnge much in my life, and much that I did not want to let go of--but it was live or die. I don't regret "missing" any of the people, places, or things I had to avoid early on that my brain associated so strongly with drinking/using.
If I had that kind of history with a cruise, I wouldn't go on the cruise. It would be a set-up for disaster. I had to cahnge much in my life, and much that I did not want to let go of--but it was live or die. I don't regret "missing" any of the people, places, or things I had to avoid early on that my brain associated so strongly with drinking/using.
Totally agree
Welcome to the board Jim, and Good luck
I have to ask, what is your commitment level for getting sober? How badly do you want to quit drinking? I mean really, ask yourself, not for your job, or for for your wife, how badly do YOU want to get sober?
I don't think antabuse is controversial, it's just I have never seen it work in 20 years, not once, nor even heard of anyone ever getting sober using antabuse
ever
quite a few million of us have gotten sober in AA though, more then every other "program" of it's type in the history of man, actually more then all other programs -combined- in the -entire history of mankind-
these folks might know a thing or two about stayin sober, might wanna give em a listen
I was/am an alcoholic of the "hopeless variety", and in order for me to get sober, I had to put my sobriety FIRST and foremost, above my job, above my girlfriend, above my friends, it had to be the most important thing in the world to me, because if it wasn't these were the first things I would lose if I started drinking
a bit of a catch 22 actually, HOWEVER, once I worked the 12 steps and got that "spiritual awakening" that the book promises (a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism) I could do whatever and go wherever I wanted, because the craving for alcohol had been removed, if tempted I recoiled as if from a hot flame, I didn't even swear off, the problem had just been removed, sanity had been restored
If your cruise and your concert are more important then your sobriety, and you are an alcoholic of the hopeless variety, I foresee interesting times in your future
In order to -get- sober we have to be prepared to go to -ANY- lengths, any means any, no prevarication and not subject to negotiation, I don't know what your "any" is yet, nor do you frankly, but that is something to keep in mind if you actually do want to get and stay sober
Sobriety aint for sissies, kinda like fatherhood, anyone can father a child but it takes a special dedication to be a good father, it takes the same sort of dedication to get sober
the bad news is, (or good depending on how you view it) if you have any reservations about sobriety, there's always an alternative
more drinking, which always beat me into being a little more reasonable about what lengths I would go to to get sober, drink long enough and you get the crown jewel of AA, the "get out of jail free card" the "winning ticket" the one way to ensure AA will work for you, being absolutely beaten down into an abject state of being bankrupt as a going human concern, beaten into a state of reasonableness, otherwise known as "the gift of desperation", which come with the big 3 "Honesty, Open mindedness, and Willingness", the willingness to go to any length
After I worked the 12 steps, I could go anywhere and do anything, cruises, concerts, parties, wherever I wanted, until then I always brought my own car (emergency escape route and plan) and brought other sober people with me (sober support in wet places), the telephone was also very helpful
keep coming back brother, I'll be interested to see how this works for you, and would love to see you get and stay sober, our odds for getting and staying sober are about 5% or -1 in 20- so I like how Dean always asks, what are you going to do differently then the 19 who don't make it?
Anyway, that's why I asked how deeply your commitment to staying sober was, because without 100% might as well crack a cold one now
Keep coming back Jim, I am serious about wanting to see you get and stay sober
-- Edited by LinBaba on Monday 21st of February 2011 05:07:23 PM
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
If I can share with you what worked for me regards the higher power bit.
I came in a non believer in any sort of higher power other than myself.
As I could not guarantee when I stopped drinking once I started, it was pointed out that my current Power Greater than I was alcohol. That made sense. Then as I had not died while doing stupid things while drinking, then there was a slightly higher power at work than alcohol. Yes I said, that'll be me.
So I was told F**k you, all you need to know about a Higher Power is there is one, it's yours, but it's not you. You didn't put the stars in my sky. When you can do that, you can consider yourself a higher power.
Worked for me.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
I appreciate your concerns and brutal honesty. I am going to my 3rd meeting today in about an hour. As far as my comittment, I am 100%. Without the Antabuse, I would be cracking one open right now. I've had some bad experiences with AA over the past years. eg: My sponsor borrowing 1200.00 from me and never paying it back, another member was in my home and made sexually explicit comments to my partners teenage daughter, etc....On the other hand, I have met some great people that I continue to keep in contact with to this day. I'm in the process of scoping out new meetings. I am in no way opposed to AA, but for me personally, needed a jump start. I am sober today, and I am going to new meetings. I'm going to listen and participate. I'm going to follow the 12 steps. Even if I fail, I am not embarrassed to tell you all. All I can do is try. I appreciate your long post, and you taking the time! I want to get better. I need to get better for ME, but I also need to be 100% for my family. I will keep you guys posted. Again, thank you so much for you insight. It's truly appreciared.
If I can share with you what worked for me regards the higher power bit.
I came in a non believer in any sort of higher power other than myself.
As I could not guarantee when I stopped drinking once I started, it was pointed out that my current Power Greater than I was alcohol. That made sense. Then as I had not died while doing stupid things while drinking, then there was a slightly higher power at work than alcohol. Yes I said, that'll be me.
So I was told F**k you, all you need to know about a Higher Power is there is one, it's yours, but it's not you. You didn't put the stars in my sky. When you can do that, you can consider yourself a higher power.
Worked for me.
Someone told me today that if nothing else, temporarily view those with lenghty sobriety as my higher power. Made sense to me.
I would take a second look at that cruise too. I went on one at about 13 months sober and it was okay...but people literally throw cocktails in your face constantly. It felt really awkward and I ciould not call my sponsor when at sea. Also, nobody showed up at the designated AA meeting but me :(
Jim, if you are really ready this time...the urge for alcohol should pass fast. Pray it away. Keep with the meetings and your subconscious and conscious will be so anti-alcohol that you really won't want it any more. The tricky part then becomes what to do with the voice of addictive energy left behind. The steps help with that a lot....as does fellowship, service, meetings...
When counting days in the begining, I was told that any day I did not drink was a success. That was my primary purpose each and every day. No trips...nothing at my job...nothing mattered as much as staying sober.
Don't lose your enthusiasm Jim. I have had a few people scam me in the rooms but my judgment is now a bit better. I gained my life back from AA...I would have paid a million dollars for what I have now had I known it was possible. Find a sponsor you can trust and that will help you immensely.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
One of my fears that I can't let go of not being able to have a cocktail every now and again. Going to a concert at the end of the month and a cruise in the srping. I'm always the one to rack up a 1000.00 bar bill by the end of the cruise. I guess those days are gone, but it's going to be excruciating!
It's not fear, it's truth. You've seen this in yourself, I think.
Man takes drink...drink takes drink...drink takes man.
Maybe it will be excruciating. Probably not. The fear and anxiety is worse than the moment itself, at least it was for me. No, I don't do dumb sh%t like hang out at bars, but local poetry events are held at bars. The bartender told me friday night "no. I can't make coffee and even if I could, I wouldn't. No money in coffee." Hmm. Must suck to be a douchebag. So I got an orange-juice & red-bull...with a twist "no, no! crack the slice and rub the rind-oil on the rim"...chilled, add 3 ice cubes and top it off with club-soda. And tipped .25 before delivering a ripping piece on teenaged drug addiction.
I think he got the message.
So, moral of the story? The bartender is not your friend. He's your dealer.
Peace, Rob
"Can I be bold enough to ask how long some of folks have been sober?"
No problem. Started AA July of 2010, and then has a series of lapses/re-lapses until it became clear that my working of AA wasn't completely "all-in". My last "whoo-hoo" started with a shake of an old pill bottle and ended four hours and a hundred dollars later in a sloppy, disgusting mess. I got a new sponsor that I trust 100%, went through outpatient treatment where I learned the kind of stuff Rob's brain needs to know to satisfy Rob's brain, and now I've been clean, sober & serene for 8 months...yesterday.
Peace, Rob
-- Edited by Aquaman on Tuesday 22nd of February 2011 08:11:54 AM
Welcome Jim, Hope today gives you another 24hrs. For me, I have about 33days worth of 24hrs. Yep, pretty new to sobriety. For me they have been some of the best 33 days I have had in years. Not easy by any stretch. I initially went into treatment and AA in an effort to save my 27yr marriage. I quickly realized that the only way the 12 steps would work for me and that I would be able to work them is if I did it for me, not my husband,my family,my job etc.. So that is what I am doing. I have found a sponsor and started working the steps. Doing my 90 in 90 , which sounded outrageous to me at first but surprisingly brings me great hope. Hope was something I lost in my life for so long I couldn't remember what it was. As for the concert, the cruise. I went to a concert about 3weeks in & it was actually fun...clean & sober!!!! I went with my husband who was also sober. I have been invited on a 4 day all expenses paid houseboat trip in about 4 months, a trip I have been wanting to do for years....problem is, it is going to be a 4 day party, with no "escape". I do not feel ready for that, so for my own sake, I am going to pass. These are choices we have to make, for me with the help of my as yet not clearly defined Higher Power. Whatever you decide, I wish you much luck. Peace
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I asked God for all things that I may enjoy life. He gave me life so that I may enjoy all things.
Thanks again guys for your words. Back at work today for the first time since no alcohol. No alcohol for almost 3 full days. Still no jitters, though I would like to punch each and every co-worker in the face. With a smile, of course. I'm anticipating the grand mall seizure to occur on the highway on my way home from work today. Wish me and the other drivers luck!
Thanks again guys for your words. Back at work today for the first time since no alcohol. No alcohol for almost 3 full days. Still no jitters, though I would like to punch each and every co-worker in the face. With a smile, of course. I'm anticipating the grand mall seizure to occur on the highway on my way home from work today. Wish me and the other drivers luck!
If your really anticipating seizures like that then my suggestion is to GET TO A HOSPITAL RIGHT AWAY. A very close friend of mine almost died when she went into grand mal seizures. Not to mention, your placing the lives of everyone else on the highway at risk as well. I'm sure you already know this, but alcohol withdrawls can kill you. At the very least, inform your doctor of your concerns and see what he/she says.
Brian
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Nothing ever truly dies. The universe wastes nothing. Everything is simply, transformed. :confuse:
Maybe it will be excruciating. Probably not. The fear and anxiety is worse than the moment itself, at least it was for me. No, I don't do dumb sh%t like hang out at bars, but local poetry events are held at bars. The bartender told me friday night "no. I can't make coffee and even if I could, I wouldn't. No money in coffee." Hmm. Must suck to be a douchebag.
So, moral of the story? The bartender is not your friend. He's your dealer.
Peace, Rob
-- Edited by Aquaman on Tuesday 22nd of February 2011 08:11:54 AM
Yep. And a side effect of active alcohlism is Impotence. That side of the business improves though, but for me it's very important to NOT lead with my lust. I believe there is truth that a man doesn't have enough blood to run a brain and a lust, so maybe impotence right now is not a bad deal. Like Bruce Springsteen once sang, 'my brain takes a vacation to give my heart more room.' That's one of my biggest problems even today.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Yep. And a side effect of active alcohlism is Impotence. That side of the business improves though, but for me it's very important to NOT lead with my lust. I believe there is truth that a man doesn't have enough blood to run a brain and a lust, so maybe impotence right now is not a bad deal. Like Bruce Springsteen once sang, 'my brain takes a vacation to give my heart more room.' That's one of my biggest problems even today.
I wasn't impotent when I was drinking, though I appreciate your thoughts. Thank you.
I was. Either too drunk to do the deed, passed out part way thru', thought I was firing on all cylinders but really lacked compression, timing was off, no spark plenty gas, no gas plenty spark, yep, my body was an engine that needed a bloody good rebuild. Took years for a nut and bolt ground up restoration. Now I got a '56 big single firing every other lamp post.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Bill recovered alcoholic, this is my experience. I got drunk on antibuse. I am beyond human aid. I past into that region where the most powerful need and wish not to drink was of absolutey no avail. I am a real alcoholic of the hopeless variety. I lost the power of choice of drink. I stole my first Big Book.why ? Because my pride and ego would not let me ask for one.the point is I read that book I found out who and what I am.and I found out that the solution of a plan of action would work for me. I was beating into. A state of reasonableness.I stearted believing in god when I couldn't believe in nothing else . Because nothing else produced the power needed to stop and stayed stop. This is what I did. I got a sponsor.who had working living knowledge of the text book.my sponsor still tells me to study.it. . I was told if I have one day go talk to someone who is just coming off one. Bottom line.I am shown that self sacrafice unselfish constructive action.is neccasary. This was on of the hardest things I did .I could not.get thru this process with out his help. I became willing to believe in a power bigger than me and bigger than my disease. That was my start. I got thru this process. And have not found it nessacary topick up a drink or drug. And I have not been over taken by that thought of I can have one .or drinking when I did not want too. When I found out I did not have a choice. That I had to drink. That's when he showed up. He was always there . That is why I am alive and not dead.from all the genious things I did when I was drinking. I had to look at my life.to see where god was.I have recovered from what you are suffering from you need to know that this works. I can tell you that nothing else worked. Welcome. Get a book.get a sposor. Get to meetings.get numbers. Home group. This is would I did and still do. The results I have not taken a drink since march 17, 1991. And the mental obsession is gone. I am no longer as selfish.and I could not do any of it with out god as I understand him. I found mine by working these steps. Go find yours .welcome.
Bill recovered alcoholic, this is my experience. I got drunk on antibuse. I am beyond human aid. I past into that region where the most powerful need and wish not to drink was of absolutey no avail. I am a real alcoholic of the hopeless variety. I lost the power of choice of drink. I stole my first Big Book.why ? Because my pride and ego would not let me ask for one.the point is I read that book I found out who and what I am.and I found out that the solution of a plan of action would work for me. I was beating into. A state of reasonableness.I stearted believing in god when I couldn't believe in nothing else . Because nothing else produced the power needed to stop and stayed stop. This is what I did. I got a sponsor.who had working living knowledge of the text book.my sponsor still tells me to study.it. . I was told if I have one day go talk to someone who is just coming off one. Bottom line.I am shown that self sacrafice unselfish constructive action.is neccasary. This was on of the hardest things I did .I could not.get thru this process with out his help. I became willing to believe in a power bigger than me and bigger than my disease. That was my start. I got thru this process. And have not found it nessacary topick up a drink or drug. And I have not been over taken by that thought of I can have one .or drinking when I did not want too. When I found out I did not have a choice. That I had to drink. That's when he showed up. He was always there . That is why I am alive and not dead.from all the genious things I did when I was drinking. I had to look at my life.to see where god was.I have recovered from what you are suffering from you need to know that this works. I can tell you that nothing else worked. Welcome. Get a book.get a sposor. Get to meetings.get numbers. Home group. This is would I did and still do. The results I have not taken a drink since march 17, 1991. And the mental obsession is gone. I am no longer as selfish.and I could not do any of it with out god as I understand him. I found mine by working these steps. Go find yours .welcome.
I find your story truly inspirational. Actually, I have found that every one who has posted to me is inspirational. I'm gonna get it this time! However, I can't get past that you drunk while on Antabuse!!! Didn't you get deathly ill???
Today is day 6 for me. Maybe it was the 7 day prescription of Klonopin, but this has been my best detox yet. No shakes or anything.
I do have something to ask you guys. I got introuble from my partner this morning for making a comment like, "when I relapse again...." It was my understanding that most acoholics will replapse at some point. I was just being realistic, but it came across as a future plan of mine. Is this type of comment something I should keep to myself, or not even let cross my mind? I really intend to do it this time. I don't plan to drink again, but can only tell myself that I'm not going to drink today. I hope I don't come across stupid or anything.
Bill recovered alcoholic, this is my experience. I got drunk on antibuse. I am beyond human aid. I past into that region where the most powerful need and wish not to drink was of absolutey no avail. I am a real alcoholic of the hopeless variety. I lost the power of choice of drink. I stole my first Big Book.why ? Because my pride and ego would not let me ask for one.the point is I read that book I found out who and what I am.and I found out that the solution of a plan of action would work for me. I was beating into. A state of reasonableness.I stearted believing in god when I couldn't believe in nothing else . Because nothing else produced the power needed to stop and stayed stop. This is what I did. I got a sponsor.who had working living knowledge of the text book.my sponsor still tells me to study.it. . I was told if I have one day go talk to someone who is just coming off one. Bottom line.I am shown that self sacrafice unselfish constructive action.is neccasary. This was on of the hardest things I did .I could not.get thru this process with out his help. I became willing to believe in a power bigger than me and bigger than my disease. That was my start. I got thru this process. And have not found it nessacary topick up a drink or drug. And I have not been over taken by that thought of I can have one .or drinking when I did not want too. When I found out I did not have a choice. That I had to drink. That's when he showed up. He was always there . That is why I am alive and not dead.from all the genious things I did when I was drinking. I had to look at my life.to see where god was.I have recovered from what you are suffering from you need to know that this works. I can tell you that nothing else worked. Welcome. Get a book.get a sposor. Get to meetings.get numbers. Home group. This is would I did and still do. The results I have not taken a drink since march 17, 1991. And the mental obsession is gone. I am no longer as selfish.and I could not do any of it with out god as I understand him. I found mine by working these steps. Go find yours .welcome.
I find your story truly inspirational. Actually, I have found that every one who has posted to me is inspirational. I'm gonna get it this time! However, I can't get past that you drunk while on Antabuse!!! Didn't you get deathly ill???
Today is day 6 for me. Maybe it was the 7 day prescription of Klonopin, but this has been my best detox yet. No shakes or anything.
I do have something to ask you guys. I got introuble from my partner this morning for making a comment like, "when I relapse again...." It was my understanding that most acoholics will replapse at some point. I was just being realistic, but it came across as a future plan of mine. Is this type of comment something I should keep to myself, or not even let cross my mind? I really intend to do it this time. I don't plan to drink again, but can only tell myself that I'm not going to drink today. I hope I don't come across stupid or anything.
One of the "false sayings" in AA is "Relapse is part of recovery", that's absolutely not true
"Relapse" is part of the illness, NOT recovery
This doesn't mean that relapse isn't part of my "story", it just means it isn't part of my "recovery", actually putting a drink to my lips was but a symptom of my program falling down somewhere and it ends with a drink, not begins with one
"Watch your thoughts. They become words. Watch your words. They become deeds. Watch your deeds. They become habits. Watch your habits. They become character. Character is everything."
Relapse is optional
__________________
it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Bill recovered alcoholic, this is my experience. I got drunk on antibuse. I am beyond human aid. I past into that region where the most powerful need and wish not to drink was of absolutey no avail. I am a real alcoholic of the hopeless variety. I lost the power of choice of drink. I stole my first Big Book.why ? Because my pride and ego would not let me ask for one.the point is I read that book I found out who and what I am.and I found out that the solution of a plan of action would work for me. I was beating into. A state of reasonableness.I stearted believing in god when I couldn't believe in nothing else . Because nothing else produced the power needed to stop and stayed stop. This is what I did. I got a sponsor.who had working living knowledge of the text book.my sponsor still tells me to study.it. . I was told if I have one day go talk to someone who is just coming off one. Bottom line.I am shown that self sacrafice unselfish constructive action.is neccasary. This was on of the hardest things I did .I could not.get thru this process with out his help. I became willing to believe in a power bigger than me and bigger than my disease. That was my start. I got thru this process. And have not found it nessacary topick up a drink or drug. And I have not been over taken by that thought of I can have one .or drinking when I did not want too. When I found out I did not have a choice. That I had to drink. That's when he showed up. He was always there . That is why I am alive and not dead.from all the genious things I did when I was drinking. I had to look at my life.to see where god was.I have recovered from what you are suffering from you need to know that this works. I can tell you that nothing else worked. Welcome. Get a book.get a sposor. Get to meetings.get numbers. Home group. This is would I did and still do. The results I have not taken a drink since march 17, 1991. And the mental obsession is gone. I am no longer as selfish.and I could not do any of it with out god as I understand him. I found mine by working these steps. Go find yours .welcome.
I find your story truly inspirational. Actually, I have found that every one who has posted to me is inspirational. I'm gonna get it this time! However, I can't get past that you drunk while on Antabuse!!! Didn't you get deathly ill???
Today is day 6 for me. Maybe it was the 7 day prescription of Klonopin, but this has been my best detox yet. No shakes or anything.
I do have something to ask you guys. I got introuble from my partner this morning for making a comment like, "when I relapse again...." It was my understanding that most acoholics will replapse at some point. I was just being realistic, but it came across as a future plan of mine. Is this type of comment something I should keep to myself, or not even let cross my mind? I really intend to do it this time. I don't plan to drink again, but can only tell myself that I'm not going to drink today. I hope I don't come across stupid or anything.
One of the "false sayings" in AA is "Relapse is part of recovery", that's absolutely not true
"Relapse" is part of the illness, NOT recovery
This doesn't mean that relapse isn't part of my "story", it just means it isn't part of my "recovery", actually putting a drink to my lips was but a symptom of my program falling down somewhere and it ends with a drink, not begins with one
"Watch your thoughts. They become words. Watch your words. They become deeds. Watch your deeds. They become habits. Watch your habits. They become character. Character is everything."
Relapse is optional
Perfectly stated. That really put this issue into perspective. Thank you very much!
Thank you all so much again for the private messages of support. I still don't fully understand how the board works, but I'll get it! Probably not the best idea to go last night, and not that I could have had anything to drink anyway because of the Antabuse, but I made it through the Lady Gaga concert without going postal. Though there was not one second that went by that I realized I was the only person not holding a beer or 5, I still managed to have a great time. Unfortunately, I was unable to go to a meeting yesterday, but I went to 2 meetings on Sunday!
Day 12. Only missed one meeting so far. Some days I go to 2. Down from 3 Klonopin a day to one. God help me do this. That bout of acute pancreatitis hurt really bad, and I don't want to lose everything I have.
