As many of you may know I have been in and out of AA since oct 10.. Well Im back on the wagon and have been needing a meeting however all of the local ones have people I dont want to see, 3 ex sponsors that gave up on me, and regulars that have went "back out" with me but keep it a secret from AA,etc..Basically people I dont want to associate with. I know AA is supposed to be about me and what I can get from it but what would you do if you were in this situation? I can go to other meetings but they are like 20-45 mins away compared to a 2 min drive here locally. I guess my fear is coming back, yet again and just the looks, and talks that would be about me. Anyone have similar situations they can share their experience with me? Thanks
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Just go steve. Dont let anyone chase you out. anyone who is really in the program wont shoot the wounded. anyone who does aint worth a shit anyhow. GOTTA FACE IT HEAD ON BROTHER. Open your mouth and speek your heart.
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Since it cost a lot to win, and even more to loose, you and me gotta spend some time just wondering what to choose.
Steve, go for the message and not the people. I have to say, whatever keeps you sober is good. Go to those meetings and stay sober despite any haters you might have! But...truly if you find a great meeting that is a little bit away and you have the time to go...do it.
Also, when you get several months sober back again, the people you think are judging you will not be an issue...You are just feeling shame. None of those ex-sponsors really wants you to fail. They will be cheering along with everyone else when you succeed.
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Hey steve, I found that no matter what I do or dont do, 20% will like me, 20% will hate me and 60% dont give a shit either way..in a room of alcoholics, most people are overly self conserned with whats going on with themselves. Go and face it...if you do it will be ok...
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Since it cost a lot to win, and even more to loose, you and me gotta spend some time just wondering what to choose.
Yeah thats what I figure too, problem is being an alcoholic I think they are all thinking/focusing on my every move lol..boy Im still self centered, truth is like you said most dont give a shit... There thinking everyones watching them lol..weird how it works... I guess thats one of my character defects..more will be revealed...
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Well you asked "what would you do? right..... I definitely would go - we all our joined at ever single AA meeting, by the singleness of Purpose, the desire to not drink.
We just have the day that we are living in....I would not let any projections about any one saying anything about me....My really tough sponsor taught me early on a lesson that gave me the freedom to never think about people, places and things...others thoughts as they may or may not relate to me.
I was telling her about something I had heard, about me. She looked firmly in the eyes and said rather abrubtly, "Toni, what others think of you is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!" ...She had a somewhat harsh tone one in a while, she did when she said that, but you know what Steve, I bless her for her words today, it has lasted all these years....
If I was going to that meeting, I would get a cup of coffee, see if someone whated me to read something. When the "How it works" is handed out I love it when then ask me.
Have to say Steve my friend it has been soooooo good to see you on the board as much as you have been, you are a very loved person dear.
Most of us would worry a lot less about what others are thinking about us if we knew how seldom they do.
Steve,
Parinoria is part and parcel of active Alcoholism. Run, don't walk to the closest AA meeting and start getting better.
Just a thought --- if your fear of what others think is greater than your desire to get sober then maybe you have not finished your drinking you may not have not hit your bottom yet. If that is the case and if you live long enough you may someday get a desire for sobriety so strong that no body or no thing will keep you from AA.
The decision has to be yours not mine. No matter what you decide it will not change my sobriety one single bit.
I hope you find out what you want and which direction you want to go. I especially hope you decide if or if not you are willing to go to any length to get it.
Larry, -------------- Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere. ~Glenn Turner
It's hard to be humble and forgiving and to feel protected while thinking about hate for or from other people. I had a situation just last week where someone who hates me...and I don't care for her too much either...started up a bunch of crap about me all over again. I instantly felt anger and fear.
For once I was able to do everything that I had learned to get through it and past it. The deep breathing, the silent prayers of forgiveness, the call to a support person, the physical distancing while in the same room, and not saying one single word to the person that I did not absolutely have to. I could have skipped the meeting she was in, but like Billyjack said, I faced it and am very OK. I stood my ground. I had done nothing wrong, so there no amends to be made and no shame or guilt to take on.
SoberSteve you have done nothing wrong either...so lose the shame and guilt. This is a non-fault disease. We may hopefully learn to make better choices as we grow; we come to better understand how to avoid future consequences...but we are still powerless over alcohol and when we drink it is imperative that we make our way back to A.A. or we will die...fast or slow...we will die.
Just go steve. Dont let anyone chase you out. anyone who is really in the program wont shoot the wounded. anyone who does aint worth a shit anyhow. GOTTA FACE IT HEAD ON BROTHER. Open your mouth and speek your heart.
Quoted for truth! Getting sober and working the steps is all about facing our issues straight ahead and squarely. Just get to the meetings early then they'll have to think twice (about staying) when they come in the door and see that you're already there.
Thanks everyone, I'm going to go tomorrow, there's a local one that I want to avoid however I am reassured that I must go, its a candlelight one so that's good but I'm going to get there early and stay late..may start a new 90 in 90 after I get back.............. and @tonicakes,thanks for your kinds words, I battle everyday but will post a "update" soon on how much time i have and some recent factors that came up that I made the wise decisions. It seems Ive been being tested a lot lately but for once I'm happy to say I'm passing the tests with flying colors.
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
YOU, my Friend, are in a life & death situation. I was asked by a guy in my group to be his sponsor. He's developmentally disabled, illiterate, has a history of violence and has been "sponsored" (with good intentions but selfish methods) by the same old debilitated couple for two years now. His shrink suggested he ask me instead. I accepted because like my sponsor told me...God made that decision for you.
So for every meeting I pick my sponsee up at this dysfunctional house. The old debilitated couple WILL NOT accept a ride from me. They call a cab. They are rude to me, aim negative shares about "people who can't mind their own damned business" AT ME while I am bound by silence.
The sponsee and I are slowly growing him in the program and he calls me when he gets all "bent outta shape" to stop his stinkin' thinkin'.
My point is...you can either turn this over to your HP with repeated recitation of the full version of The Serenity Prayer or my sponsor's abbreviated version for times that need a quick shot of prioritizing... "F*&k It"
Let them keep their secrets. SFW. Remember that hamburger face of yours? Keep to the program and you'll make it.
As many of you may know I have been in and out of AA since oct 10.. Well Im back on the wagon and have been needing a meeting however all of the local ones have people I dont want to see, 3 ex sponsors that gave up on me, and regulars that have went "back out" with me but keep it a secret from AA,etc..Basically people I dont want to associate with. I know AA is supposed to be about me and what I can get from it but what would you do if you were in this situation? I can go to other meetings but they are like 20-45 mins away compared to a 2 min drive here locally. I guess my fear is coming back, yet again and just the looks, and talks that would be about me. Anyone have similar situations they can share their experience with me? Thanks
For me it's always been about "Do what it takes to get it done no matter what"
In my experience no one has ever had a problem with me, they may have had a problem with some of my actions, like...when I drank...but in all seriousness every alcoholic that walks through the doors of an AA meeting is on a life and death mission, and is aware that every other alcoholic is on the same life and death and mission
So they may not have a problem with you, but they may have a problem with your utter lack of a program and people pleasing talk and many resolutions to quit drinking but never a decision
Want them to like you and welcome you in every meeting in town?
Get serious and stop F***ing around, get some commitments, get a sponsor, work the steps, and take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth and sit down and shut up and listen and show by your actions not your words that you mean business
Aint a meeting in town or person in any meeting that won't welcome you with open arms after that
what I was told when I thought everyone was paying attention to me and I had destroyed all these poor females with my masculine charm and blah blah blah was "Andrew, you aren't the tornado you seem to think you are, you're kind of like piss poor unsafe scaffolding on the side of a house...an attractive nuisance...sure you hurt some people, but only the ones stupid enough to ignore the warning signs and play with you, get over yourself, you just aren't that important"
ego deflation, but I got the point
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
AA is NOT suppose to be about me. Just the opposite actually .. read the Preamble.
Yeah, I was in and out for 2 yrs before I suffered what I pray to be my last drunk over 6 yrs ago. And yeah, it was tuff to walk back into the local meetings, seeing all those ppl.
For my first year back, I went to the meetings, and I kept my mouth shut, I didnt share. I didnt have anything to share, what the heck did I know? I only shared with my sponsor , while she and I worked the steps.
Pray about it Steve, ask God to help you with the strength and courage you need to save your life .. regardless of what Everyone else is doing, or not doing.
As many of you may know I have been in and out of AA since oct 10.. Well Im back on the wagon and have been needing a meeting however all of the local ones have people I dont want to see, 3 ex sponsors that gave up on me, and regulars that have went "back out" with me but keep it a secret from AA,etc..Basically people I dont want to associate with. I know AA is supposed to be about me and what I can get from it but what would you do if you were in this situation? I can go to other meetings but they are like 20-45 mins away compared to a 2 min drive here locally. I guess my fear is coming back, yet again and just the looks, and talks that would be about me. Anyone have similar situations they can share their experience with me? Thanks
Y'know what? The ONLY requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. If others ahve a problem with you, who has the problem? Sure, it might be uncomfortable but it might not. Smash the crystal ball, you don't know shit about the future, other than keep drinking and you'll die too soon.
Take your boots and armour off now son and surrender. The fighting is surely over now.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
Yep, like all the others have said, fook what anyone thinks and get to a meeting.
Chances are, if they hate you as much as you say they do, they've got resentment issues....alkies with resentments are alkies who will hit the bottle, sooner or later. And that's their problem, not yours.
And maybe they don't feel that way anyway. And either way, who cares.
Like Bill says, it's all about Tradition 3.
All I know is if I don't make meetings, I don't make it.
The only requirement for membership in AA is the desire to stop drinking. You obviously have that, and thus qualify. I belonged to a group that had many that were in and out the door for a long time.. seems like they could not put together more than about 60 days. There was gossip, sure. But, they came back. One of these fellows that was having trouble and had been in and out of aa for years came to me one night and asked me to sponsor him. I agreed to do so conditionally.... He had to come to meetings, call me daily, and read in the big book. He agreed, and did it. It is an action program. Two weeks ago he celebrated his one year sobriety, and is living the program. He did this in spite of the ner do wells, the gossip, and the looks he got. This is a program about you... YOUR recovery. Facing life on life's terms in recovery is a challenge. We have a choice now. We CAN change our old ways, and follow this program, in spite of what we see, and hear. I know for myself, I had to totally change the way I thought, acted and felt. We will always have the ner do wells, and the gossipers no matter what. The choice is yours. Embrace the steps, and the priciples. You have the desire. Go for it.
Bill recovered alcoholic, thank God for this process. A price had to be paid. It was probably the hardest thing I ever done.! What I did not know when I first got to the rooms was that I didn't know.I had to be pretty mangled like to book my sponsor tells my to study every day. This is what I know now. That the very people who were trying to help me were the very ones who were like me. The truth is not everyone in the rooms or this message board is a real alcoholic. Of the hopeless. Variaty . Listen I was 6 months sober.me and my brother were going to the lake to meet his wife and new baby. We are driving thru the parking lot when I noticed a bunch of A A bumper stickers and a big picnic going on.I remember thinking how dear they have a function with out ME. I was ate up with self.! Well what I didn't know was it was a surprize birthday party for Me ugh! I felt that.I had to have gods help.ne way to get rid of self without his aid. I am powerless of alcohol the very last thing I expect my new guys to do is 1tell me the truth and 2 not get drunk. Why because I was the same way. I am sober only by his grace.period. yes I had to go thru this process to get the personality change sufeincent enough to recover. I thank god that I found the ones who normally do not mix. My support group is a collection of bottom feeders. The ones who are full flight from reality and outright mental defectives.half retarded by definition. Bottom line. We know what you need you my friend do not.never mind your feelings or what you think.those 2 things have been trying to kill you the entire time. Stop going to the problem your mind .for the solution.impossible.but get thru this process and you will gain access to a god who is in the impossible bussiness. Well that is the one I found. So don't let your alligator mouth over ride your mickey mouse ass. Go to them meetings and ask for help .and listen to some one who has working knowlegde of these 12 steps out of this book.
