Best friend who is also in AA has been very ill and hospitalized for the past few days. They didn't do SQUAT for her and she has no insurance to see a specialist.
I was picking her up at the hospital and backed into a car. The drama that ensued when the lady came out to look at her car was ridiculous. No damage at all, the hospital security guard even said so, but the woman proceded to ask for everything shy of a blood sample, and said she is afraid her bumper might "crack later on from the cold and from the impact". OMG....
THEN.... my A-Hole ex said he wanted to get back together with me. You see, his latest girlfriend threw his ass out, and now he has no where to go and his son is mentally challeneged and no one to watch him. My ex is trying to USE me and my sympathy and my love for my stepson to get me back into the same old loveless, cheating disfunctional mess I started out in. I said NO WAY to his proposition.
THEN.... my "boyfriend" did not return my calls or texts for an hour. I flipped out. Went to his house, he wasn't there. Told him via text, "If you are dissing me just say so!!!! I feel totally rejected and you are a jerk if you don't have the decency to call me back!"
Turns out he was in a grocery store where there was no reception. I was getting gas and he happened to pull up behind me with his friend David and his groceries. I talked to him briefly and he looked at me like I was whacked out of my mind. I feel so foolish, needy and stupid. Embarrassed.
I wanted to get GOOD and F---ed UP... drunk as a drunken drunk could get... I went to a really large meeting that is kind of noisy before the meeting starts, and cried and yelled and stomped in front of several of my AA friends who offered their support. I talked to my sponsor and co-sponsor both. The meeting was ok. I don't want to drink.
I came home and took another shower. I am going to bed because the sooner I fall asleep the sooner tomorrow will come and I am certain it will be a better day.
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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Cool....JoniJoni drama and she survived it!! Isn't that one right at the door of a 10th step? Some one said the other day that the drama (or such) of recovery is fun...Today I acknowledge it. Had a good tantrum and then a meeting and then a shower. Didn't drink...doesn't get much better than that.
Yup ,using the tools of "life" sharing the pain" looking at situation,getting in a solution.Today will be a better day cause you didn't pick up and you reenforced your process,another day stronger!!!!In support
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
I'm very sorry Joni, I guess that I didn't get it, how upset your were. I do feel for you, and I'm happy that you're bringing your issues to meetings, sponsors, and program confidants, instead of using over them. Problems shared are problems halfed. I have found though, that when I make a list of all of what's wrong, and brooding about it, is the opposite of making a gratitude list and searching for solutions. Whenever I lump all my problems on to one plate it overwhelms me. It's worse than unproductive, it's demoralizing to me. I only have so much emotional energy and getting wrung out about my issues zaps the energy that I would otherwise have to work on taking care of myself. I can only deal with focusing on finding one solution at a time, one day at a time. I think we've all been in that spot where several fires are burning at once and we are without a fire extinguisher. What's important is to just take the next right step and muddle trudge through it. Somehow we learn to silence those voices in our heads that say "we doomed and dying" so that we can focus on what we've got to do today.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Saturday 12th of February 2011 10:33:17 AM
