When I first came into this group, it was the second time around for me. When I went to AA the first time, I think my approach was worse than Tipsey. I also didn't understand "how it works", but instead of saying so, I just faked it, and played along. Had to because I was ordered to attend by a judge. Luckily, it worked for me like many I have since met who kept coming back, when they said they also didn't get it.
When he first came to these boards, I was a little stirred up also, but was also afraid he would quit before he got a chance to recieve the "gift" that the program has to offer.
But, like you Rick, I felt incredibly proud of our new AA buddy when I saw his response to Flumpy, who I am now even more afraid for!
We now have to convince Flumpy to give it a chance, right Tipsey?
A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.
The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him, but finally even she had had enough. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."
After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
"No, I'm sorry," the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer."
This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until get back!"
She leaves the door to his room open on her way out.
He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing.
After a half hour, the man's doctor comes into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor.
Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"
After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Not with a Carnation."
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
Many people are not fortunate enough to have the motivation of a partner and children to give them reason to change ...it sounds like you want better for them. Let that be the foot that kicks your ass.
I'm new here, I find expressing myself on this board really hleps me. There is somethng extremely threputic in writing your thoughts and feelings down. I can't explain it but somehow it clears the fog.
It sounds like you have a lot to live for. Good luck to you.
Thanks for the kind words...but to tell you the truth I'm not sure I've come very far at all. I feel like shit most of the time, there is a constant battle raging in my head and I am very confused. Logically I can list every reason in the world to continue with AA and quit drinking but then into my mind creeps this velvety smooth voice who says "Drinking is fun, you love drinking. You arent like these people, you arent that bad, you can control it." and this voice is so damn convincing, so persuasive...it's becoming more and more difficult to ignore.
It's a little frightening...it's almost like being a crazy person, only the voice in my head is my own so I guess I'm not a schizo yet.
I have a mind that is out to get me. That's the little voice that says it's ok, one isn't going to hurt you...
Left to my own devices I will get drunk. I must place my dependence in a power greater than myself...for a long time it was the people in AA. They had stayed sober and I couldn't, so I relied on them to help me. They taught me how to live without drinking, and then I could listen when they talked of God and all that stuff. But until I could listen, I used my sponsor and the AA group as a higher power. Eventually that little voice got quieter and quieter. Every once in awhile I can hear it, but I don't really pay attention to that dialogue anymore.
You are doing good...keep going to AA meetings and lisstening to those that have stayed sober for awhile. Ask them how they did it and see if it'll work for you.
Trust me Tipsy, it sounds like you are pretty much right on schedule. That devil on your shoulder will rant and rave. He will do his best to get you back to his way of "enjoying" another good round of drinking. He only wants to hang around for the "fun" part. That sucker will desert you when you come off the drunk, and are feeling like "Flumpy" sounded in that last post.
When that voice starts talking, is when we should run, not walk to the closest available AA friend (hopefully your sponsor) to talk to them for a while. I tell myself that I can always have a drink if I still feel like it after I finish my phonecall or f2f with a fellow AA'er. Amazingly, I never feel like it after that. The longer the sobriety, the weaker that voice gets (I have been told, as I haven't got those months in yet).
Those demons in your head are the disease talking. I used to hear it loud and clear. I even listened once, not so long ago. Found out real quick the SOBs were wrong, I am an alkie!!
Get to as many meetings as you can. Listen. Take what you identify with. Read the BB. Get a sponsor or atleast an "aa phone friend" for now. Post your thoughts and feelings.
It does get better, my friend. Hang in there. One day at the time.
Much love,
Doll
* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serentiy. *
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
