I'm on one. And I want off. Now. I'm so sick and tired of living subject to the dictates of my emotional winds. I've been dry for 15months and working my program for about the last 3 or 4 weeks. I've got an excellent sporsor who has really helped me out and is truly an inspiration to me. Also it doesn't help that I'm bipolar. At any rate, any readings recommendations would be most gladly welcomed.
Hi Presnem83, I had a lot of that early on. I remember reminding myself not to let my emotions run too high or low. It seemed the higher my mood got that worse the downward swing would be.
I relate to the emotional swings too, they told me it would even out, and it has.
I've learned to call my sponsor when I feel it coming on, it's waay better to call her when that runaway train is only going 30 mph... it's harder to jump off when it's going 150 mph.
If she's not available, I start on the fellowship phone list. I can't do this alone.
hEY jONNY...Yes early on and for awhile it can be especially weird.After a life of getting twisted,now what??? I had to slowly dissassociate with my environment,which meant leaving the band I was playing in (all were using and no signs of lettin up) playing in bars not really condusive to recovery,people that I thought were friends werent coming around cause I was no longer getting twisted with them,Some actually believed I was a Narc and I was taboo..I was attending AA with my first sponsor ,but not doing any work so that wasn't helpin,knew I just couldnt pick up. I started finding other activities,gambling(not so good) Martial arts/hunting/church group/running community etc helped until I got settled in program.For me,I had to get out of my own head,its was dangerous in there,I also found that reaching out to others really was helpful to me.Joining a soup kitchen/volunteering at a clinic/driving meals on wheels or something to shake up my lifestyle and learn some new things of change and yes staying close with real support people , sponsors.people working an honest program etc.Hang in there, "we" do this day by day,turns to weeks/months years little at a time...Congrats on your 15 months sobriety,you will see the difference of light years by actually appying the tenets of our program into your life and just "not drinking".This illness manifests itself in all areas of our lives.Now you ain't drinking ,the "inside work" really goes deep...Keep coming back!!
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Great post Mikef. All of the **** is in our head, and the opposite of listening to it is telling our brain to stfu, and get busy with life and practice being in the "Now".
I don't know if you've every seen the movie "A Beautiful Mind", but in it, the protagonist, John Nash, a Nobel Prize winning economist and schizophrenic, describes his recovery as putting himself on "a diet of the mind". Things that he saw and imagined were not real, he knew, so he trained himself over time to ignore them.
I try to do the same thing with unproductive emotions. I still have them to some extent, the anger, bitterness, petulance, etc, that come with alcoholism, but I'm starting to learn to recognize them for what they are, to separate myself from them, and not to indulge in them to an unhealthy degree. The big book describes these as something like "the dubious luxuries of normal men", but they are luxuries denied to us because they are fatal
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Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
Being "dry" doesn't get us very far, and can even bring us back to drinking. A month of "working" the program (does that mean taking the steps?) is essential, but maybe your expectations are pulling you away from taking each day as it comes? It is not easy, or quick, to build a solid, ongoing, foundation for long-term emotional sobriety. But the balance that eventually emerges, even with a disorder like bi-polar (presuming it is properly controlled) is the pay off for hanging in there. It's a challenge having two chronic conditions to manage, but we have all the tools available to do our best with that. I always feel better when I do everything possible to keep up my end, by acting on the decision I made in the 3rd step. When I am not taking action to be willing and ready tor receive God's care on a daily basis, I am inevitably less than balanced in mood and deed. Daily Reflections is a good book-you can get it from Hazelden.
