Feeling Lost

blessdmegz · Member

Feeling Lost

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Hello Bessdmegz, welcome to the board. I didn't see you come in, I was probably out of town. You might have saved that woman's life. I found out that one of my oldest friends killed himself last year ODing on prescribed morphine and oxycotin. He was miserable. All that you have is Today. What happened yesteday, last week, last year doesn't have anything to do with Today. Start over, decide to be happy. Make a new life full of routines that keep you busy. Let it go already. Stick around and enjoy the fellowship here.

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Thursday 3rd of February 2011 06:14:57 PM

Toad · Senior Member

Hi Megan,
I agree with Dean.
I had a tough time in recovery with the "Street Value" me and the "New Recovery Value me".
I support your decision.
Easy on yourself.

Wayne

blessdmegz · Member

I have "let go and let god" tattooed on my feet so I know the theory of acceptance and moving on. But for some reason I feel so guilty. People think it's MY fault cuz I reported her. In court she had allll these people there to support her, and I'm sure she told them all what a B*tch I am. AS I sat on the other side of the room getting nothing but nasty glares. She denies it up and down even though they have her on tape committing the crime! I know she isn't going to get much help in jail. She doesnt have the capability to be honest with herself. For the past few months, I just want to go back to being joyous and free and I don't know how to get back there.

leeu · MIP Old Timer

Look at it this way---if you hadn't filed the police report, the way the world works sometimes, you might have been the one busted, for "giving" her the script!

Are you sure you don't know how to "get back there"? You've been in A.A., you've experienced life sober, for quite a while, you are sober now, you know the value of having a sponsor, you have tools to deal with the feelings of guilt and loneliness. Have you talked with your former sponsor about exactly WHY she dropped you?

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Step one, take a deep breathe, say "it is what it is, and I'm over it" and find something else to talk about. Likely this is your disease trying to talk you into a drink ("poor me, poor me, pour me a drink")
Find some new meetings and some new friends. If they supported her for robbing you and pretending to be you to steal your prescription then you don't need them for friends. I would've felt violated also, and probably would've done the same thing. People need consequences to find their bottom. If you had let that woman get away with that, it would've been enabling, in my, sometimes, not so humble opinion. :P

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Screw them Megz...keep searching for a meeting where you don't feel judged and keep looking for support from people that have it to give. Not everyone in the whole fellowship by you cares about this situation I bet. Find the people that care about recovery and that will care about you and not some dumb situation in the past. Everyone in the rooms knows that ongoing drug use leads to jails, institutions, and death. For all you know you may have saved this worman's life. What if she OD'd the next day and you hadn't turned her in? What kind of guilt would you have then? You've got a bit of time back under you belt, but you are going to go bonkers without the program in place.

I struggle with some of the emotions you are talking about her too...but ultimately, life is too short to be miserable. Seek out recovery for you. You earned your seat in AA just like anyone else. You belong there.

In support,

Mark

LinBaba · MIP Old Timer

Yesterday doesnt matter when its gone

Having been to a few meetings in my time I very much doubt you are the one being judged for her stealing from you

We go to meetings to get and stay sober, not to make friends, not to be in cliques, and not to play grab-ass with peoples lives, I mean we have our fair share of AA Groupies and non alcoholic hard drinkers in the rooms these days, but fuckemiftheycan'ttakeajoke, this here's life and death business

Whatever I think the problem is usually not the problem.

Untreated alcoholism is usually the problem.

The solution is found in those rooms, and in those steps, and anyone judging you is as sick as she is, but I seriously doubt anyone is judging you if the story is as you say it is, I suspect it's just your brain telling you stories, my brain does that all the time, thank God for step 2 huh?

Just remember, we're all here because we're not all there, and we do it in a group because we can't all be crazy on the same day...right?

When I need a meeting I allow NOTHING to stop me from going, and I've had some obstacles in my day, ex'es, jails, no drivers license and the nearest decent meeting an hour away, when it's time for me to get sober, I only have one motto

Do what it takes to get it done no matter what

Here's a great story about alcoholic thinking, click me

-- Edited by LinBaba on Friday 4th of February 2011 01:21:05 AM

billyjack · Senior Member

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
Dr. Seuss

mikef · MIP Old Timer

Hello Megan! Welcome ,if I didnt already welcome you.When my now 24 year old son,robbed us again for like the 3rd time,Heroin addict,we reported him to the police,we wanted him arrested.Talk about rippin your heart out.Long story short cause he had lived in house before,couldnt do fingerprints,he had broken in the basement,and we couldnt prove it was him,although we knew.It was just a matter of time after that that he was arrested anyway and went to jail.As a person with 25 years of my own active addiction ,I know about the need "for the next one" no matter what..."We knew our son would die,(he did have anaphalactic shock(however you spell that) from one of many an overdoses and spent 6 days in ICU ward,basically brought back to life)end up doing hard time or hopefully find a way to recover(today on 125 mg's of methadone,staying clean of junk(still a substitute) but living a better life so far,still working on total surrender but that is his call...We never look back at the things we did because we always tried to work in our 3rd step and let God handle the results,staying out of way hardest part as parents..ITS NONE OF OUR BUSINESS WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK ABOUT US! Work your own process,allow the God of your understanding to bring you the peace'that surpasses all understanding" Stay in the day,taking things little at a time,and more will be revealed...I wish you peace,There is a Power that can bring you peace,seek that Power and feel the love......... smile

presnem83 · Member

While I can't directly relate to what you're saying I have been going through some very trying times and I just have a couple things. First, you're right she did do that to herself. Perhaps if she hadn't been arrested she would've tried something even more outlandish to get her fix next time. The other thing that I've found to be true for me is that these feelings of hopelessness and depression (am a bonafide bipolar so at least in this matter i feel qualified to speak) are like poison...they take a while to leave the body but they DO leave.

I wish you nothing but the best in life. Keep in there, chica.