I'm the product of my family's disease. My father (a wonderful man) is an alcoholic, just like his Dad was. My Mom's father was an alcoholic and so was my uncle. In December, 2009, I realized on my own that my drinking wasn't normal. Thank God I chose to stop on January 2, 2010 before things got "too bad". It never affected my work and it rarely affected my family life; however, because I'm an alcoholic, the affects were still there. I stayed sober until my birthday, December 8, 2010. I relapsed very briefly during a rash of changing/increasing antidepressants. My relapse was born of a desire to "check out and not a desire for the drink itself. This was the first time I'd experienced that need; always before it was the drink itself that I craved as opposed to the result. I'm now medication free and struggling with anxiety, stress and intermittent depression. I've attended a few meetings and recently heard (from Dr. Phil!) that recovering addicts need to do 90 meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor. Because my "problem isn't that bad" (laugh) I've believed I can maintain without regular meetings, a sponsor and working the steps. Can someone tell me 1) How important finding a sponsor is 2) How to find a sponsor that's right for me 3) How important is it to work the steps 4) Do I need or should I try to do 90 meetings in 90 days?
I'm thankful for this forum because I really don't know where else to turn for answers.
Welcom Vicki. My family tree also includes many Alcoholics. My Dad is an Alcoholic. I learned in AA(the hard way) that I suffered from a Spiritual Malady(Diesase) that only a Spiritual Awakening would arrest. Left to my own devices and sobriety plan; I relapsed several times. What I learned is if I didn't change the person who entered the rooms of AA; I would not stay sober. I was only dry for a short time and then had no defense against the first drink. Putting the drink down was tough but it was evening tougher to not pick it up again. That's where the Spiritual Diesase comes into play.
When the pain of living that way got bad enough- I surrendered. I went back to AA and listened, took suggestions and acted on them even if I didn't want too (humility)....... I got/still have a Sponsor, called/call on a consistent basis, had/have a regular meeting schedule, completed/continue(10-12) to work the Steps, Prayed and have a Higher Power in my life today, started/continue helping others and got/stayed into Service work. By doing what I was told; God changed the person who entered the rooms of AA. The Promises came true and I had a Spiritual Awakening thats describe in our literature.
1) How important finding a sponsor is- I could not stay sober or change the person who entered the Halls without a Sponsor.
2) How to find a sponsor that's right for me- I listened to someone who had what I wanted and acted the way they talked. Someone who'd been through the Steps and works with others.
3) How important is it to work the steps- I could not stay sober or change the person who entered the Halls without the Steps. AA is a 12-Step Program.
4) Do I need or should I try to do 90 meetings in 90 days? My Sponsor and I set-up a regular meetings schedule that worked for me and my personal situation. He would then provide me with feedback based on our calls of how I/the schedulewas working. He knew when I went off my regular schedule & wasn't afraid to tell me. My Sponsor reminds me often that consistency is the key to success. Not perfection, but progress and consistency.
Mike-what a blessing you have been to me already; thank you! I, too have a strong spiritual faith. God is my best friend but I have learned enough to know that I'm a sinner and will continue to screw up, even with Him by my side. I've begun praying every time I feel stressed, anxious, etc. and that does seem to help. However, I'm also beginning to see that I need to work the Program correctly. I don't think I need 90 meetings in 90 days, but I will be scheduling at least 2 over the next 7 days and I will be on the lookout for a sponsor. I guess my fear in choosing a sponsor is that I won't choose someone who is as dedicated as your wonderful sponsor sounds.
Thanks for taking the time to share and to post your response. May God continue to bless you as you continue your journey.
Welcome to MIP Hottie. I can't say how important it is for you, but I can say that as an alcoholic it's a matter of LIFE OR DEATH for me. No jokes, no sugar coating...this disease can and will kill...I've seen it happen.
Brian
-- Edited by Klaatu on Thursday 3rd of February 2011 02:04:03 PM
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Nothing ever truly dies. The universe wastes nothing. Everything is simply, transformed. :confuse:
The Steps are the program and IMO you need a sponsor to take you through the steps. I worked the steps with my sponsor through weekly Big Book readings. So I know no other way -- and I loved our discussions after finishing each chapter and then reflecting on my own at home.
I'm not big on the cliches, but "it's a thinking problem, not a drinking problem" rings true for me. I needed a complete life-change, a re-wiring of the brain, which the steps have provided for me. I experienced a spiritual awakening necessary to lead a sober, alcohol and drug free life.
An added benefit is that my depression, stress and anxiety, the latter so debilitiating during my active alcoholism that I couldn't drive a car, have pretty much disappeared (for full disclosure I do take perscribed anti-depressant and anti anxiety medications).
Why not give it a try the way it's laid out in the Big Book and with a sponsor. You've got nothing to lose, right? After all, you didn't come here by accident!
Hi! 1. I believe a sponser is quite important. It was suggested to me to find a woman whose soberity I respected and who was involved in the steps.
2. I found sponser while going to Step and Big Book meetings.
3. For me it is extremely important to "work" the steps. I actually prefer to call it living the steps, it truly became a wonderful way of life.
4. I also heard to do the 90 in 90 . ( I don't believe that is in the Big Book though) . I did go as much as humanly possible especially in the beginning. I still go quite often but now it is because I want to! I also heard that it would be good to put as much effort into my soberity as I did my drinking. That made sense to me.
Thanks so much for your input. As I sit here in a fit of uncontrollable sadness, I'm beginning to feel hope again. Most often, I'm feeling there's something so wrong with me that I'll never be able to live without taking medication. For now that's a struggle because of my addiction. I'd be interested to know what you're taking (can you email me directly on here? not sure) because I too suffer from depression and anxiety. However, most of the medications I've taken cause addiction issues.
Dr. Phil received a PhD in clinical psychology from the University of North Texas. His license was suspended for inappropriate conduct with a minor, so he is not currently licensed at all. In 2002 his show was deemed to be "entertainment" and therefore he was permitted use the term "Dr." without a license. Just like Dr. Ruth & Dr. Laura. Phil says whatever gets sponsorships.
On the 90/90 and sponsorship I agree with him. He is "parroting" from The Program quite well, however he is giving advice, and We don't deal in advice. We deal in Experience. Strength and Hope.
Many of Us have had med problems, too. I was honest with my physician, stayed sober, and got my medical brain situation taken care of. Took a while, though. AA, therapy, rehab and sponsors helped many of Us recover and fill the void in our lives previously filled with booze and other unhealthy diversions.
The program of AA works best when we are honest with ourselves.
Out of the 262 words in your post and 10% of them were "I" or "my". My current sponsor's first assignment to me was to read the chapter "How It Works" in the book Alcoholics Anonymous and count the number of times "we", "our" & "us" are used. Much was learned.
Peace, Rob
-- Edited by Aquaman on Thursday 3rd of February 2011 06:37:07 PM
Since you relapsed before, I would say try something different than what you were doing before. If you had no sponsor, didn't work the steps, didn't go to meetings, reverse all that now.
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Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
Not to be rude but I'd rather not discuss the medications I take. Everyone's body chemistry is different and what works for me may not work for you. And I'm not a medical professional.
As Aquaman said: "I was honest with my physician, stayed sober, and got my medical brain situation taken care of."
I have always heard that if you sponsor yourself, that you are misled! LOL*
Hi Vicki, I'm Sam(f), and I'm an alcoholic. Thankfully, I have had the same sponsor for the past 23 years. I have not found it necessary to relapse because of following strictly the program of recovery in AA, as laid out in the Big Book. I have seen many people come and go in AA, but when they finally had enough and got some guidance by using a sponsor and building a solid daily conscious contact with a Higher Power, they became anew; sober, spiritual, active in their fellowship, and (most of all) able to admit to being powerless and accepting the 12 steps as a way of life. I strongly suggest one working with a sponsor f2f, but I also know several people who have been able to stay sober and work the steps with an online sponsor as well. Being honest, open-minded, and willing are the keys to success either way.
Good luck to ya, I hope to see ya around here, and look forward to reading your shares on how it works in YOUR life! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation, and prayer. Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit. But when they are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakable foundation for life. Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 98.
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Visit my homepage, and Joey's story: http://www.beenthere1.com
Well, as much as I shudder to admit it, Dr. Phil is right on target with what you heard him say. Ninety meetings in ninety days is a good rule of thumb (I think I went to more like 150 in 90). But getting a sponsor and working the steps is absolutely essential, in my experience. I could not have gotten through the steps (and, therefore, recovered) without that.
About getting a sponsor- please don't think that you need to have a sponsor who you can "relate" to, when it comes to finding someone who has what you want. If you find a woman who has that, just ask her if she'll work with you. It doesn't matter at all if her background is similar to yours or anything like that. My first sponsor was the drill sergeant type, but that's what I needed, at that time. I had no problem with the first two steps, but when it came to step three, I wavered a little bit at first, and he said, "Josh, if you can't do this, you're going to die." But that's what I needed to hear! (And I did it).
Get someone you'll pay attention to and do what she says, that's all I'm saying.
Wow! The honesty here is refreshing and exactly what is needed to get me in gear. But trying to write this post without using "I" or "me" is proving difficult. Aquaman-you've hit many nails right on the head. Please don't think I look to Dr. Phil for guidance in my own life; however, I do find his candid approach to addiction motivating. I didn't know about his history.
I'll begin my day with the assignment you've suggested.
Thanks to all of you for valid input and candid honesty. I will find a sponsor this week.
Dr. Phil pushes the 90 in 90 cuz he promotes treatment centers.
To my knowledge there is nowhere in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous that tells us we should go to 90 meetings in 90 days.
I have a sponsor who is sober 20 yrs. ... she has a sponsor too. I dont know where Id be or what I would have done without my sponsor.
Yes, the 12 steps are VERY important!! They are the program, the life of AA.
Welcome Vicki .. Im Lori, alcoholic , glad you are here
Agreed and true. 90 in 90 isn't part of the AA program that I've ever been able to find. We preach it here at work all the time, and I think it's good advice. What can it hurt, right?
Brian
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Nothing ever truly dies. The universe wastes nothing. Everything is simply, transformed. :confuse:
Right on, Brian. "most" of the people that I see who do the "90-in-90" (many do much more than that) seemed to be able to stay sober longer than the ones who don't get familiar with the others in the rooms/meetings. Sometimes they get caught in the revolving door and come to meetings as a result of court and when their "assignment/sentence" is complete they don't come back until they end up court again and get another "assignment/sentence"! I was told "90-in-90" when I first got to AA in 1981. I didn't relapse....yet!
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Visit my homepage, and Joey's story: http://www.beenthere1.com
Well was feeling in a very silly mood, my first thought was, "No Tickie, No Laundry" old San Francisco saying.
seriously dear, the Steps of this Program ARE the Program.
I have always said that the vigorous working of the 12 Steps are the steps that will take you up and out of your disease that we share.
I tried for many years to use the swinging doors of AA, ending in a completely wrechted bottom, reason, I did not want to work the steps, well not past 3, they call that the 1,2,3 step, then drink, I proved that to myself....Finally God saw to it that I crawled up and out of the basement with a despiration to live and it put my own butt in those chairs everyday for over a year....
Welcome to MIP, hope so much to see so much more of you.....
I did it. I did more than 90/90 while working full time also... While it is not in the big book, it's a good recommendation. It doesn't mean you will fail in AA if you don't do it, but it will sure help.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
