I've often joked at my home group that there's absolutely nothing I can say in a discussion meeting that everybody in the group hasn't heard before. It is tough to come up with an original thought, or a story that hasn't been told. Well -- it looks like I'm going to get to be the speaker. At my home group. I haven't done it in quite a while, but I still have the general feeling that they've pretty much heard it all. Sure, my story has changed since last time, but not much they're not aware of.... like getting married, etc.
There are a few people in the group who haven't heard me do the whole thing before. I'd really have to think about it... maybe 4-5 regulars. The chairperson who asked I guess hasn't heard me before or he wouldn't have asked... but he has been around a while too. We have a few newbies, but not brand-newbies and dunno if they're even going to show.
I'm not a "circuit speaker", never have been. I don't get around to a lot of different meetings although I'm trying to broaden the horizon a little bit. I have an anniversary within the week as well, which is part of why I'm getting tapped to speak. I've always been told to never say no to AA, so I said yes. I can just see the eyes roll on the regulars when they find out who's talking... LOL. I'm sure I'll get five people pretending to get up and leave - I won't be the first or last to get that humbling treatment. We're a close group with a lot of oldtimers, so I think all of us are in the same boat when it comes to coming up with something to say that hasn't been said before.
So you guys who have a long time group, what do you do when you're asked to speak? I know what I'm gonna do (as if I had any other option), just get up there and wing it, which is all I've ever done. I did prepare once a long time ago and wrote myself some cue cards. Not to use as a teleprompter but just reminders to mention certain things. I forgot to bring them with me... LOL. So I just wing it.
I've often joked at my home group that there's absolutely nothing I can say in a discussion meeting that everybody in the group hasn't heard before. It is tough to come up with an original thought, or a story that hasn't been told. Well -- it looks like I'm going to get to be the speaker. At my home group. I haven't done it in quite a while, but I still have the general feeling that they've pretty much heard it all. Sure, my story has changed since last time, but not much they're not aware of.... like getting married, etc.
There are a few people in the group who haven't heard me do the whole thing before. I'd really have to think about it... maybe 4-5 regulars. The chairperson who asked I guess hasn't heard me before or he wouldn't have asked... but he has been around a while too. We have a few newbies, but not brand-newbies and dunno if they're even going to show.
I'm not a "circuit speaker", never have been. I don't get around to a lot of different meetings although I'm trying to broaden the horizon a little bit. I have an anniversary within the week as well, which is part of why I'm getting tapped to speak. I've always been told to never say no to AA, so I said yes. I can just see the eyes roll on the regulars when they find out who's talking... LOL. I'm sure I'll get five people pretending to get up and leave - I won't be the first or last to get that humbling treatment. We're a close group with a lot of oldtimers, so I think all of us are in the same boat when it comes to coming up with something to say that hasn't been said before.
So you guys who have a long time group, what do you do when you're asked to speak? I know what I'm gonna do (as if I had any other option), just get up there and wing it, which is all I've ever done. I did prepare once a long time ago and wrote myself some cue cards. Not to use as a teleprompter but just reminders to mention certain things. I forgot to bring them with me... LOL. So I just wing it.
Barisax
I always just "wing it" too, one thing I actually do though, which amuses me, not being a Christian, but I go to the bathroom and I get on my knees and pray to remember it's not about me, it's not about looking good or sounding good but about being of maximum usefullness to the newcomer, the oldtimers aint gonna drink, like you said they've heard it all before, my job is to reach the newcomer
So there I am on my hands and knees in a building full of alcoholics and drunks "praying to the porcelain God"
somehow that helps me keep it all in perspective
Sidenote and offtopic: Where I lived before we all made it a point to line up and thank the speaker and in particular mention the areas in which we identified etc and I personally always found that helpful as afterwards my mind is always a mess and full of "OMFG I was AWFUL!!!" and I think about all the stuff I forgot to say, the stuff I said wrong and blah blah yawn snore
Where I live now they make it a point NOT to thank the speaker, they believe it is harmful to the speakers ego, so they make a point of ignoring the speaker afterwards
I gotta say that took some getting used to
So I'll thank you ahead of time, and say "Wow, Great Job!!!! I especially liked the part where....___________" and give you a great big hug
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
Just for me Bari I have found topic speaker meetings really helpful. Speaker gets to pick the topic after a short bio and then shares their ESH on that topic. I spent over half my life on the other side of the fence before getting into AA. If I try to put that into a speaker invitation I can put the whole room to sleep. Besides there are parts of my story that only mention that some of us (me) can go to deeper darker more insane lengths when drinking also than were rational. The insanity I lived in and with isn't all of the story. My sponsor guided me once with "Be interested not interesting." A speaker meeting is twelve stepping.
I read in a book somewhere that what we do is share in a GENERAL way WHAT HAPPENED, WHAT IT WAS LIKE, and WHAT IT IS LIKE NOW.
Early on I took my cue from others, and "told all", in gory detail, alternately heart wrenching and hilarious (well, not so much). Problem was, I found myself spending 90 percent of the time entertaining the troops and only 10% sharing anything that might actually be useful about what it is like now...how I stay sober and live sober today. My story, my message, today focuses on how the steps, traditions, and program blesses me with a "now" that is worth hanging on to. So I finally learned to just relax and speak from the heart, in a general way (I keep the drunkalog short) and put more emphasis on sharing what it is like now.
Guarenteed, however we approach it, and whatever the local customs, it is always an exercise in humility.
I just start sharing about recovery, that I've experienced, outside of the rooms of AA, and watch them squirm. lol I don't get asked too often and prefer it that way.
You know....I have heard alot of the same things in meetings.....over and over again but guess what! It takes that for me to get it. It takes on a whole new meaning. What I hear today is totaly different from what I heard in the beggining. Even tho its the same words. Takes on a different meaning as I grow and live a life of sobriety.
People tend to remember things in threes. That makes it real easy for me. Experience, Strength and Hope.
In a general way, what it was like, what it's like now and what path I follow.
5 Minutes of what led me to AA, 5 minutes of how much I hated AA before I got honest and got working, 5 minutes of how it works from my experience. 5 minutes dance through the steps as I understand them, with a crib sheet on the wall. (Bugger, that's 4 things)
All this takes anywhere between 5 minutes and half an hour. I always wing it, I have only one story. There are bits where people laugh and bits where people nod and bits where people go a bit quiet. Usually different bits. Often the same bits bring all three reactions from different people.
I do remind myself that this is not a public speaking event. I don't get marked on content or presentation. This is not about me either. This is about carrying THE message as best as I understand it and as best as I can. I use the few moments silence to think of the still suffering alcoholic within and outwith the rooms to remind myself to keep my ego in check and to ask my Higher Power that whatever I say, let it be of use to someone.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
- Limiting the amount of time the speaker spends talking about the ancillary parts of his life that have little to do with his alcoholism, (i.e., how he met his wife, where he went to school, what it was like when his kids were born, promotions at work, etc.)
- Spending just as much time, or more, on what specifically keeps him sober TODAY, as he does on his drunkalog.
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Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
When I'm asked I do it. I just write a few bullet points on a sheet of paper then things usually start to flow from there.
Today, I usually outline my life, detail some of the feelings and character defects, get to my bottom, then try to spend at least 50% of the time talking about the program and recovery and the positive things about sober living, and examples of the promises coming true.
I was always taught to be humble, it's not about entertaining and making people laugh, it's your story and you can't screw it up, the important thing is that you are at the podium trying to "give back" and helping yourself in the process.
I'm sure if you put some effort in you can focus your sharing on some different aspects of the program and recovery and surprise your yawning buddies!
"God gave us brains to use"!!
-- Edited by Rob84 on Monday 31st of January 2011 09:45:57 PM
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Just for me Bari I have found topic speaker meetings really helpful. Speaker gets to pick the topic after a short bio and then shares their ESH on that topic.
Ah yes, the California style meeting We don't have anything like that here. Interesting terminology too. Here the person who runs the meeting is the chair or chairperson, the featured speaker is the lead, and after the preliminaries the lead gets the whole rest of the hour. In CA, the person who runs the meeting is the lead or leader, and the person who speaks is the "share" or "chair", I can't figure out which or if it's both, and as you say they do what we'd call a "mini lead" here, to introduce topic.
We have pure discussion meetings here, lots of them, Big Book studies, 12 and 12 studies, classic leads, beginner meetings which are generally a mini-lead followed by beginner topic discussion. I've been told that going back to the 60s most meetings were leads, the open discussion where everybody gets a chance to talk were rare. I find the discussion to be the best type of meeting for me overall. I like to hear 15 people talk 2, 3, 4 minutes each rather than 1 person talk 50 minutes, unless the person is a particularly engaging speaker. I don't have the attention span for it and in fact even in a discussion when somebody goes over 5-6 minutes I start to lose focus.
We do have lots of leads too, some meetings are always leads, some rotate. My home group is supposed to be alternating leads and discussions, but sometimes it's just chairman's choice, or if no lead can be pegged, it's a discussion. I've probably gotten to lead (speaker) maybe 4 times before at the home group. And maybe a dozen at other groups here and there. I haven't done a lead since the summer of 07, at least that's my recollection.
I certainly don't have any trouble talking in public. I consider it an honor to be asked. Like I say, this is the home group and it will be hard to come up with something new but I'll just see what happens.
My experience is a lot like Susie. I have 2 home groups and hear some folks atleast once every year. It's good for me to hear their stories again; because I forget a lot of what they said in their prior share. I have a built in forgettor, reminders are always beneficial to me. It's also good for me to see how folks have grown since they last chaired/spoke. As I grow in sobriety/recovery I see and hear things differently; so I may pick up on something I may have missed the prior time or something that means something to me today vs. in the past.
Bill recovered alcoholic. It amazes me how my selfesteem gets exposed every time I get to lead a meeting.in the cleveland area there are a lot of speaker meetings and once you get on the chitlin curcuit. Its hard to get off.but my home group is the a discusion.when I am speaking I was told to bring or ask guys from support group to come . To keep me honest. Lol I am not a speaker and I did not enjoy it . But my pride and ego tells me that either I have nothing to offer or that I will be asked to speak at founders day ! Lol no matter where I speak. Same path.ask god to guide me in my words to keep my opinion out of it malso ask that I won't say any thing that won't get someone killed .like don't drink go to meetings and pray. The opporunity to speak is my chance to treat my disease. To tell on myself.and to give what was giving to me. I do not make notes. I think that it sucked afterwards or that I forgot some thing.what I say and what people here . That's gods job. My job be promt be breif and be sitted.
