We all know there are so many excuses to drink. It doesn't matter how I started drinking, I want to know how do I STOP?
I absolutely LOVE to go to extremes. The “Drama” thing. Somehow, that seemed to be the only choice for me.
Well, that idea turned into a DUI & losing just about everything I had…which wasn’t much….so I drank some more.
That wasn’t my bottom. I thought it was---made it 14 months sober, & I turned into a royal bitch. I kept telling myself that this IS IT. (like Horace Wimp from the ELO song from the 70s)
Horace Wimp, this is your life!
Go out and find yourself a life.!
Starting drinking innocently again, so I thought. I thought I could handle it......That was a year ago. I would go weeks without alcohol after that…….until last month, when I went on another binge (fooling myself) & it turned into another nightmare. Here I go again……Gotta take it easy on me now, but when will I ever learn…….my choice, NOW!!!
Now, I know better. I can't handle it. To top it off, I realized that I did it to myself too. Wait a minute, I HAVE CONTROL? Wow, what a concept! I can control myself & not make it worse by drinking, cool!
I’m good enough
I’m smart enough
& Gosh darn it,
people like me!
So it’s been three weeks sober now. Not looking for medals. This is my reality & I’m fine with it. I’m gonna find my best friend—me.
It IS a great ride—this sobriety wagon. My faith is growing, faith in myself, my HP, in trust & honesty….it’s amazing, sad, wonderful, torturous—like a great movie—it has it has the whole spectrum of emotions.
And the happy ending is that I do live happily ever after—thru the 12 steps, dealing with reality on life’s terms. No fading into the sunset for me....I will be right on screen living my life with EVERYTHING that is there. REALITY. I’m not living in a dream world anymore. I like that. I don’t want to fool myself anymore. Reality hurts sometimes, but it’s real. I can deal with that….I would rather have that than to believe in something that ISN’T real. I’m learning to believe in a good foundation to build my life upon.
I’ve learned to not beat myself up—very easily done if I’m not careful. I’ve learned to take it easy on myself & forgive me and others. I not perfect, but I have to hold myself to a certain standard or I will lose respect for myself.
I’ve tried a lot of philosophies, none of them helped as much as the 12 steps do. I’m going there because I hear it works…..lol. I’ll put my money on that, but more importantly, I’m betting my serenity on that.
