Right on ! Now get back to work or clock out and go home stop wasting your bosses money sitting aroung complaining all sooding day! Lol be blessed bra!

Depends on which book, I think I have a copy around here that says "Thou shalt not suffer a fool to live"

I am a freelancer, and my most consistent client, one I can't fire because he keeps me busy when no one else has work, is completely psychotic, I mean literally insane, he has 7-8 years without a drink and has never gone to a meeting nor worked a step in his life and he literally has about the emotional maturity of a 3 year old

All he does all day long is micromanage everyone, he just stands there and screams all day long, he stomps his little feet, he throws his hands in the air and just stomps around, I will start doing something and he starts yelling at me "No No No!!!! what are doing???? Do it like this, what are you stupid or something???? then when I do it his way it goes horribly wrong, and he's standing there screaming some more, he yells Do this do this do this, so I RUN and "do this" and he starts screaming "What are you doing? what is the matter with you????" and if I try to explain I am doing exactly what he says he literally denies it, says what? i never said that within 90 seconds of saying it

I can't even begin to convey how bad it is, all day long, every day I work for him, it's the double bind, I make half as much $$$ and work twice the hours, but I can't quit because that company is the most consistent, they are why I eat or am able to pay rent when all else fails, they keep me working, If I work for another Company for 3 days I make more then I make with him in 2 weeks, If I do a LARGE 3 day job for another company I make as much as I earn from him in a month, but he keeps me busy when no one else is working

So, for me, in order to retain my sanity, I HAVE to remember a few things

One: Don't give him free rent in my head, it takes a few hours after I work for him for a few days, but completely let go, realize how truly unimportant it is, I remember I had an insane boss once years ago and how saddened I was when I realized I took him with me to bed every night, and woke up with him first thing in the morning every day. Life is too short for that bullshit

Two: realize, he is completely insane and incompetent, he is literally like a dog that just stands there and barks all day, no matter what I do, so give him the same mental status I would give a barking dog, irritating but something I can learn to live with.

three: On the job I set boundaries, the moment he starts micromanaging I stop him and say, "OK, we have two ways to do this, one is I come down and let you do it, the second is you shut the fuck up and let me do my job, pick one" Sometimes he picks one, sometimes the other, these are short term fixes but they make me feel better, but as in War, the victory is short lived

What I remember the most though is this story

The Garbage Truck Law by David J. Pollay

This story was supposedly written by David J. Pollay and may have appeared in different versions. I'm writing it below as I've read it.

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.

My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And, I mean, he was really friendly.... So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!' This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.' He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on.

Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets. The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so....

Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.

Life is: Ten percent what you make it, and ninety percent how you take it!

Have a blessed, garbage-free day.

This doesn't mean I do this perfectly by any means, but these are the tools I use, I -know- that life is what I do with it in my head

-- Edited by LinBaba on Monday 24th of January 2011 01:47:19 PM

BB "How it Works" Chapter 5, pg. 9

"It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, we squander the hours that might have been worthwhile. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the growth and maintenance of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal."

I had to remember that one juuuuuussssttt this morning.

Peace,
Rob

Well it boiled down to 3 things.
Serenity Prayer - accept the things I cannot change - the new system will be imposed on my workstream - change the things I can - change my attitude, be patient with the help desk and finally - know the difference - see above.

Baby Asparagus and Broccoli Soup with crusty bread

Switch off from work mode, switch on to chill out mode.

Training tomorrow - how to be an Inspirational Leader - I'm going to enjoy this one in so many ways.

I actually thought you were being facetious with your title, and didn't want to know because the Big Book is actually incredibly detailed about the subject of resentments, giving some pretty good instructions about how to handle them ending with:

This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."

We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one.

 

or, in it's entirety here:

Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, which many of us had never attempted. Though our decision was vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once follo wed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.

Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four. A business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Taking commercial inventory is a fact-finding and a fact-facing process. It is an effort to discover the trut h about the stock-in-trade. One object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods, to get rid of them promptly and without regret. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values.

We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations.

Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions or principle with who we were angry. We asked ourselves why we were angry. In most cases it was found that our self- esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships, (including sex) were hurt or threatened. So we were sore. We were "burned up." On our grudge list we set opposite each name our injuries. Was it our self-esteem, our security, our ambi tions, our personal, or sex relations, which had been interfered with? We were usually as definite as this example:

I'm resentful at:	The Cause	Affects my:
Mr. Brown	His attention to my wife. Told my wife of my mistress. Brown may get my job at the office.	Sex relations Self-esteem (fear) Sex-relations Self-esteem (fear) Security Self-Esteem (fear)
Mrs Jones	She's a nut - she snubbed me. She committed her husband for drinking. He's my friend. She's a gossip.	Personal relationship. Self-esteem (fear)
My employer	Unreasonable - Unjust - Overbearing - Threatens to fire me for drinking and padding my expense account.	Self-esteem (fear) Security.
My wife	Misunderstands and nags. Likes Brown. Wants house put in her name.	Pride - personal sex relations - Security (fear)

We went back through our lives. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty. When we were finished we considered it carefully. The first thing apparent was that this world and its people were often quite wrong. To conclude that others were wrong w as as far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore. Sometimes it was remorse and then we were sore at ourselves. But the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got. As i n war, the victor only seemed to win. Our moments of triumph were short-lived.

It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenanc e and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feeling we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.

If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison.

We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the future. We were prepared to look for it from an entirely different angle. We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we escape? We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol.

This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tole rance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."

We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one.

Referring to our list again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tr ied to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory was ours, not the other man's. When we saw our faults we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight.

Notice that the word "fear" is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer, and the wife. This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existe nce was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve. But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble.

We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them. We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn't it because self-reliance failed us? Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn't go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn't fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse.

Perhaps there is a better way, we think so. For we are now on a different basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do a s we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity .

We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have cour age. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead we let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear.

If we have been thorough about our personal inventory, we have written down a lot. We have listed and analyzed our resentments. We have begun to comprehend their futility and their fatality. We have commenced to see their terrible destructiveness. We have begun to learn tolerance, patience and good will toward all men, even our enemies, for we look on them as sick people. We have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct, and are willing to straighten out the past if we can.

 

There is more in steps 10 and 11 but step 4 is a good start for me, and the thing is?

 

I STILL put pen to paper, I STILL follow these instructions, I get all airy fairy and waaaay down the road to spiritual trancendence and end up tied in knots, and every time it's because I need to get back to basics, when I do that the resentments are lifted, for me that is why sponsees are important, I find myself sitting there and explaining this stuff exactly when I am the one that needs to hear it, I don't know if it helps them but by God it saves my bacon

 

Anyhow, that is the "textbook answer" if you were actually asking seriously

yes linbaba I started off facetious and ended up wanting to know for real. It was an angry post. The answers are in the book but sometimes I am not willing to look for them. Thank you for your guidance. It does boil down to my fears.

Loved Dean's response, Yeah At least I can own my problems and in comparision to others, their really not so bad.

bikerbill wrote:

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yes linbaba I started off facetious and ended up wanting to know for real. It was an angry post. The answers are in the book but sometimes I am not willing to look for them. Thank you for your guidance. It does boil down to my fears.

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Bill,  do you have a copy of "As Bill Sees it"?   You can look in the index , of that book, find the pages with passages on a theme, such as anger, acceptance, fear, contempt... and you'll get a dozen to three dozen pages pulled from all of the AA literature.  I call it 'AA's greatest hits'.

 

bikerbill wrote:

Snarl! Spit! Blaspheme and swear!

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It seems like maybe this 'rant' is a little more lighthearted (or maybe I'm confusing lighthearted with just plain sarcasm, of which I am guilty on a regular basis)...but if you really are in a bind about it, here it is: