I'm new here. Well, I'm new to AA and the whole idea that I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober 18 days now. I've been following this forum since my awakening, and I thought it was about time I post. I have a few questions for the old-timers, that I would love to know that answer to.
As a bit of background, I'm about two years out of college -- I studied a particularly difficult major, and since a year into college, I've been riddled with health problems and anxiety issues from all the stress it brought on. I began self-medicating the anxiety early with alcohol, and it snowballed into what it is now. If you want to know more, I started keeping a blog: http://recoveryquest.blogspot.com/.
So here are the questions swirling around in my head. Feel free to answer just one, or more than one, or all of them. I'm just curious to get some input.
1. Any general advice to avoid relapse?
2. How do you deal with the cravings at the times you would normally drink or buy alcohol? For example: grocery shopping is very difficult for me, and so are lazy evenings after long days.
3. How do I choose a sponsor? Do I have to? How do I ask them to be my sponsor?
4. I waiver between being absolutely positive I'm an alcoholic, to not so sure I need to go to AA -- in any given day. How did you finally figure convince yourself for good that you have a problem?
5. How many people needed therapy along with AA, and found that it was helpful? I'm considering therapy, but I'm not sure...the idea of therapy wigs me out a bit.
Thanks! Look forward to hearing your answers!
Melissa
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At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.
--Father Alfred D'Souza
I'm slightly confused after reading your blog at your eighteen days sobriety. This was posted on 11 January and it is now 21st January, that make 10 days. I can identify with your withdrawal, it brought me right back.
"I had barely been sleeping, and the little sleep I did get was punctuated by dreams and tossing and turning. I didn't know if the problem was my husband being away visiting family, or the general anxiety I tend to carry. Either way, I decided that a little relaxation was the answer. On my way home from work, I bought a bottle of my $10 favorite and laid down to watch some TV.
That's where the normal stops.
About an hour and a half later, the wine gone, I drank the three raspberry smirnoffs in the refrigerator in an hour. My stomach started to turn, from the aciditiy of the smirnoffs I thought, so I took a few tums and looked for more to drink. The alcohol we had in our kitchen consisted of a bottle of champagne to be drank on my one year anniversary with my new husband, a bottle of Old Ale, and several bottles of Sam Adams' from their Winter Collection. I hate beer, but I chose the Old Ale -- either because I didn't realize it was beer, or because I didn't care that it was. In any case, it was my husband's, and I drank it with the intention of replacing it without him knowing.
I felt disgusted with myself the next day for getting into something that is his, with the clear intention to deceive him. That is not me. That is not the relationship we have. I still feel remorse for that. But it didn't keep a similar incident from happening early the next week, again in an attempt 'relax'. This time, it ended with me alone, retching in the bathroom; I had forgotten to eat dinner since I was feeling full with alcohol before I had a chance to be hungry. The next day, feeling terribly hungover, I couldn't pretend that my relationship with alcohol is a normal one.
I sincerely think that my alcoholism isn't rooted in unhappiness, but I'd be lying if I said that I didn't feel lost after the realization that I'm an alcoholic. It seems that somehow, now that I've come to realize that I'm an alcoholic, my life revolves around alcohol more than ever. Or, at least, now I'm more aware of it.
Do 90 meetings in 90 days, go to a meeting every night Yes, do get a sponsor, find someone who has quality sobriety time that has "what you want" ie serenity, sobriety, happiness, etc that has worked the steps with a sponsor out of the Book "Alcoholics Anonymous" Work the steps with that sponsor Start helping others Start sponsoring others Start doing service work for your group
That will not only answer all of your questions, it will give the best chance possible to get and stay sober, I have never seen someone drink if they did all of those things consistantly
I've found therapy was most effective FOR ME after a few trips through the steps, HOWEVER I went to a therapist my first few weeks sober who had 25 years of sobriety in AA and her help was invaluable, but I couldn't really tell you what was therapy and what was AA, the thing about therapy is I found it works a lot better if I am not in such deep denial and I have already faced some pretty hard truths about myself, what would have taken me years in therapy only took me months in stepwork, because my sponsor wasn't worried about my feelings getting hurt or losing his paycheck he was able to be far more honest
So both with therapy, however it was just far more effective for me after working the steps, therapy can't get us sober, it can only help ensure the quality of our sobriety is better IMO
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it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
WELCOME! I'm not big on long responses. Congrats on 18 days...it matters a lot.
tothemoonLucy wrote:
Hi all.
I'm new here. Well, I'm new to AA and the whole idea that I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober 18 days now. I've been following this forum since my awakening, and I thought it was about time I post. I have a few questions for the old-timers, that I would love to know that answer to.
As a bit of background, I'm about two years out of college -- I studied a particularly difficult major, and since a year into college, I've been riddled with health problems and anxiety issues from all the stress it brought on. I began self-medicating the anxiety early with alcohol, and it snowballed into what it is now. If you want to know more, I started keeping a blog: http://recoveryquest.blogspot.com/.
So here are the questions swirling around in my head. Feel free to answer just one, or more than one, or all of them. I'm just curious to get some input.
1. Any general advice to avoid relapse? define your triggers and avoid or eliminate them; people, places, things
2. How do you deal with the cravings at the times you would normally drink or buy alcohol? For example: grocery shopping is very difficult for me, and so are lazy evenings after long days. take a sober friend grocery shopping with you or someone else who will keep youn true to your intentions. Lazy evenings...find a new activity.
3. How do I choose a sponsor? Do I have to? How do I ask them to be my sponsor? look for someone who seems kinds right to you and ask. Your chances of success are better with a sponsor.
4. I waiver between being absolutely positive I'm an alcoholic, to not so sure I need to go to AA -- in any given day. How did you finally figure convince yourself for good that you have a problem? Inventory the biggest f***ups in your life and cross reference them to drinking. Tech-def is "If drinking alcohol has ever interfered with a healthy aspect of your life." or something like that.
5. How many people needed therapy along with AA, and found that it was helpful? I'm considering therapy, but I'm not sure...the idea of therapy wigs me out a bit. I benefitted a lot from substance abuse counseling. It gave me background to the science of addiction. Thanks! Look forward to hearing your answers!
Everyone is different. It wasn't until I realized what a f**k-up I had become that I strted the long, painful, joyous road to freedom. Melissa
Aloha tothemoonlucy (god that's a goodie to fool around with) mmmm
my simple responses? 1. whatever the trigger is don't pull it and don't drink!! 2. whatever you do instead, don't drink instead!! 3. Normal way is to just ask and ask again if you're turned down. If you have no sponsor you are self sponsoring which doesn't work because you are the problem with the wrong answers. 4. If you're not absolutely sure continue to drink. If it is not your problem then you have no problem with alcohol. If it is your problem you might get a second chance to get and stay sober or come to realize that unarrested alcoholism is very often fatal and then...again no problems. Alcohol is a mind and mood altering chemical. 5. AA is called "social model" therapy...One drunk working with another drunk. It is mostly free. The therapy I paid for worked best when the therapist had a back ground in the disease concept. I am also a former alcoholism and drug addiction therapist.
AA is a simple program...not easy. Simple for complicated persons.
Welcome, it's good to see we have some Cleveland People on the forum. I grew up and got sober in the SE suburbs, Macedonia, Bedford, Twinsburg area, have bee in Atlanta the past 10 years. it also found the program @ 2 years out of college. I know a lot of AA's in the area that I can put you in touch with if you are having problems making connections.
. How many people needed therapy along with AA, and found that it was helpful? I'm considering therapy, but I'm not sure...the idea of therapy wigs me out a bit.
Went to one session, he asked me if I thought I was alcoholic, I said yes, he gave me the # to AA and told me that will be $50.00
Any general advice to avoid relapse?
Stay in dry places with dry people. Read chapter 3, More about Alcoholism. Read Chapter 4, How it works, then work it. Ask God to keep you sober in AM, thank him at night. Get phone #'s and call before you pick-up.
How do you deal with the cravings at the times you would normally drink or buy alcohol? For example: grocery shopping is very difficult for me, and so are lazy evenings after long days.
Ask God for strength, go to AA meetings in the evenings.
I waiver between being absolutely positive I'm an alcoholic, to not so sure I need to go to AA -- in any given day. How did you finally figure convince yourself for good that you have a problem?
Try some controlled drinking (sounds like you already failed that) How do you deal with the cravings at the times you would normally drink or buy alcohol?For example: grocery shopping is very difficult for me Just ask yourself, would someone who didn't have a drinking problem be asing the above question?
AA is not for everyone, just those who want to be happy in recovery. It's been a great way of life for myself and many others.
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Yes. a) The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous: Do them. In order. As in the book "Alcoholics Anonymous".
b) Do the 12 steps with a sponsor that has also done them, in order, as per the book "Alcoholics Anonymous".
c) Study the instructions in the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" and learn how to work/do the steps; there are meetings where we do this as a group. Go to many and apply what you have learned to working the steps.
2. How do you deal with the cravings at the times you would normally drink or buy alcohol? For example: grocery shopping is very difficult for me, and so are lazy evenings after long days.
I don't crave alcohol.
-See above.
Really.
3. How do I choose a sponsor? Do I have to? How do I ask them to be my sponsor?
Read the pamphlet "Sponsorship".
4. I waiver between being absolutely positive I'm an alcoholic, to not so sure I need to go to AA -- in any given day. How did you finally figure convince yourself for good that you have a problem?
How would you like to decide? There is a written test and a practical test. The written test is at aa.org. The practical test is everywhere.
Hint: the written test is easier than the practical test.
Hi Melisa, welcome to the board. Lots of long time sober women (and men) here. Personally, I took most of the suggestions already shared in this thread. I highly recommend that you make a commitment to attend 90 meetings in 90 days. This will silence the "am I really and alcoholic and do I need to go to AA". It's important to make it to 90 days, that's where you'll have the most trouble with cravings and denial about your disease. You mentioned "a particularly tough major", This is no different. There are so many forces working against you, right now, that you don't know about. This disease is way more mental (denial) then physical. It's the first drink that gets you drunk. Go to amazon and order "Staying sober, a guide to relapse prevention" by Terrance Gorski. Stick around and help us to stay sober.
I did do a 20 day outpatient therapy program, 4 hours a night 4 nights a week for five weeks. I found it tremendously helpful. It helped me understand the disease, what was coming next, gave me the basic tools to stay dry in the short term, and eased my transition into AA. Most of the people in there had jobs and schedules just like me so it was easy to relate to them.
GOOD LUCK!
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Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
I would suggest going to AA meetings as much as you can. Sit and listen. Get yourself a big book ( most meetings should have one available to purchase ) and read the book.
See if you can identify with what you read and the ppl you are listening to in the meetings. Look for a phampet titled: Questions & Answers on Sponsorship. It will help guide you in your search for a sponsor.
Please come back and let us know how you are doing
I have been going to a therapist for a few years and I find it extremely helpful. You can find someone who specializes in addiction medicine if you like. AA meetings are great but aren't really the place to look for the focused attention a therapist will give you.
I definitely second the going to 90 meetings in 90 days. Try to go to the same meetings when you find ones you like. For me, getting to know people in the fellowship and making sober friends has been key, and when people start seeing you every week you will start building relationships with them. It's also a great way to get to know people who you think you might ask to be a sponsor.
one of the basic responses is: go to meetings every day and don't drink in between meetings.
this MIP website has helped me when i am in between meetings. i live in a rural, out in the boonies area, when i did not have a driver's license, MIP helped me keep on track. asking for help and sharing are 2 things to do to help you grow.
finding a sponsor, doing the steps, going to meetings helped me get through my shakey times. i did not do it "perfectly" (as my personality told me i had to do it) i just had to be willing to do step one the best i could and move on to the next step.
This was all really, really great advice. Thanks to everyone for taking the time to answer, it really means a lot. I expect to be sticking around here :)
What I find to be great about AA and places like this is that even on the days that I'm thinking, "you know, maybe I don't really need AA today, and can do this on my own", I think -- "but why not? the people are great, and maybe you'll be help to somebody there". I love the fellowship of it.
One more question that has been plaguing me lately: I'm work in a high-stress, male-dominated field, and I'm a 24 year old female. A few times a year, there are informal meetings for my job where drinks are involved. I don't expect to be pressured by any means, but I do expect to get questions -- my coworkers all know about the fact that I love wine, though they have no idea my addiction to it. These things aren't something I can skip without having an effect on my job, but I don't like the idea of announcing to all my coworkers that I am an alcoholic.
How have you guys handled situtations like this in the past? Are you completely open about your alcoholism? Do you make excuses about having to drive, or something along that line? Just say that you've decided to part ways with alcohol?
Thanks!
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At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.
--Father Alfred D'Souza
Hi Bill recovered alcoholic. Welcome and call central office and get to. A meeting.they are every where .I live on the westside. I p m my cell if you need any thing. Call before you drink we can't help you after. It appears that like myself.once you start you cannot stop. Yeah me too. So why do I pick it up.? Well there are blank spots. Um and I am powerless beyond human aid. I was dilutional .I always told myself today would be different.when I found out that I could not stop drinking on my own. I found out that I no longer had I choice.that in fact I was going to. Drink. And there was nothing I or any one else could do say. That was gonna make me not do it.I found hope. Here in the rooms of a a . I like a whole lot of other people found away to live with out ever feeling you do now. And a way to live where we will never ever ever and I mean ever have to drink or use drugs again this is my experience.and it took me three times. And almost 3 years to surrender. Call central office that's what I did . Get phone numbers from the women. Ask god to keep you sober today and thank him at night.
tothemoonLucy wrote:One more question that has been plaguing me lately: I'm work in a high-stress, male-dominated field, and I'm a 24 year old female. A few times a year, there are informal meetings for my job where drinks are involved. I don't expect to be pressured by any means, but I do expect to get questions -- my coworkers all know about the fact that I love wine, though they have no idea my addiction to it. These things aren't something I can skip without having an effect on my job, but I don't like the idea of announcing to all my coworkers that I am an alcoholic.
How have you guys handled situtations like this in the past? Are you completely open about your alcoholism? Do you make excuses about having to drive, or something along that line? Just say that you've decided to part ways with alcohol?
Thanks!
Take a good look around, in one of these work functions. You'll have a percentage of heavier drinkers, another of moderate drinkers, another of occassional drinkers (having one drink), and some folks that just don't drink at all.
Being alcoholics, we mostly identify with the heavy or moderate drinkers and tend to ignore everyone else. To us they don't exist. We romanticize drinking and think that "everybody drinks" when in reality most people don't or don't drink very often.
When I have to go to one of these functions or a family wedding, I have a soft drink (diet coke for me) with a lime. No one would know that it's not a drink. That's not my intention to make them think that I'm drinking but it does keep them from wondering.
Iced tea is another of my mainstays at dinner or a party. There are several threads in the archives here about "what to say to people who ask why we don't drink" if you use the search function. Dependending on who's asking. Work associates, I would tell that I'm on a diet/health kick.
Thanks Dean -- I'll look that up the threads! I would normally go the route of ordering a soft drink or iced tea, but I stopped drinking caffeine about a year and a half ago because I had developed an addiction to it. Maybe I could get a 7up in short glass or something along those lines. Thanks!
__________________
At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.
--Father Alfred D'Souza
