When i first came to AA i wondered why it wasn't better advertised. LOL then i found out most people do not want to 'be fixed' when they are sent to AA meetings from the court system, and the ones who have struggled with wanting and needing sobriety are the ones who seek out AA for help. Last night at my home meeting a young man with 7 months clean shared something that touched a nerve with him. Thought i would pass it along. at one of his meetings a woman showed up, she had obviously been drinking. the people in the room could smell that old familiar odor which triggered dismay and then intolerance in the young man. The woman spoke up and the secretary of the meeting asked her if she had been drinking and she said she had and told how she was in such misery. Before anyone else could speak, a man with many years in the program spoke up from the back of the room and welcomed her and said this a program where "we don't shoot our wounded." that statement put the young man back on track and reinstated the tolerance and patience for others that others had shown him when he was brand new, reminding him that God loves us "as we are" "right where we are," and we are to do the same. that is one of the definitions of tolerance in my book. thanks for letting me share. sheila/jj
Tolerance and Judgement are issues I have sruggled with in sobriety, just lately they have been eased dramatically by the grace of God as I understand God. I now have a habit of mind where I am regularly looking for the so called defect of character in others in myself straight away as soon as I feel a judgement even twinkle in my mind. I find it is making me feel so connected to others it's removing in a dramatic way the fear of the negative actions of others and returning human beings to exactly that human beings loved by God. Sometimes when I am at the mercy of judgement other brothers and sisters can become these dangerous "things" that perpitrate these "acts" of character, when they are just exhibiting defects I myself have had and still can have in great detail. Others serve me now as a mirror for myself, it's the best way I have found power in the fourth step finding myself in others.
Proving to me once again that the program happens for real on a daily basis in my heart, not on any piece of paper, although thats a good start, when first on the journey and when at crisis crossroads to get it out of my head and down on paper, but that's not how I do it generally speaking on a daily basis.
With all my love and peace
Jamie
-- Edited by Jamie D on Tuesday 18th of January 2011 02:10:44 AM
For me today, tolerance just isn't enough. Today I work toward acceptance. For me, simply learning to tolerate some one or something is that "fist" in my stomach that doesn't go away. When I learn how to accept I don't have to hold on to it...I can let it go. I find it's much easier for me to accept things just the way they are as opposed to tolerating and trying to get rid of the tightness in my stomach. After all, the serenity prayer says "grant me the courage to accept", not grant me the courage to tolerate.
But that's just me...
Brian
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Nothing ever truly dies. The universe wastes nothing. Everything is simply, transformed. :confuse:
good point. acceptance and tolerance are interlocking pieces. as is staying in contact with my higher power, and willingness is the pathway to realize every promise and principle in AA. tolerance: one definition is "within set standard specifications" another, "within the realm of acceptance" and i think patience and tolerance are linked together, too. the perspectives between the human definition and God's may be seen if i think of how He accepts me as i am right now in whatever mess i may be working on... is that how i accept myself and others? can i let go of the grading card and let God be in charge of that? Acceptance of circumstances and willingness let go and let God.
Acceptance and tolerance have become very important to me since I started the program. One of the first things I learned was the serenity prayer. It spoke to me in a way that nothing else did. It just made sense to accept the things I could not change... I interpret that to mean things that I cannot change, like how another person acts or thinks. So, I too, feel it goes even beyond tolerance. It is more about accepting what you cannot change.
The original poster talks about a young man disturbed by a woman who showed up to the meeting after she had been drinking. After he heard the other man's comment, he accepted what he could not change...the drunk woman. Then had the courage to change his own thoughts on the situation. I thought in my own interpretation of the serenity prayer, this was a perfect example of it in action. Thanks for sharing this story.
And thanks for letting me share my thoughts.
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When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.
Awesome thread. I suffer greatly at times with this defect. Tolerance and being judgmental. We have a woman who relasps regularly. I am trying to quit judging her and love her till she learns to do the same. I really learned alot from all of your post . Thank you all for posting :)
I've never had a problem tolerating or accepting folks who come to meetings smelling like they've been drinking. We're alcoholics and without this program of action we drink (we have a compulsion to drink, it just is that way). I am powerless over alcohol, which means just that I, myself, me, cannot stop myself from drinking, nor as the BB says, can any human power. That also means that I, myself, me and any human power cannot stop somebody else from drinking or from coming to a meeting after they've been drinking.
However, I have been, and sometimes still can be, really intolerant of others' shares - I used to sit there and take everyone else's inventory, fuming, simply b/c their share wasn't what I wanted to hear, or was too long, too short, etc. I was all about me. I was sooooo important, didn't they know how lucky they were to have me there and how they had to make their shares perfect for me? ;)
My HP is helping me to accept others and to remove that arrogant intolerance. But I can still take my will back and become intolerant.
Glad you shared, Steve, i know at times i am impatient and judgemental, and it is "all about me"!!! lol, alcoholics are that way and my HP, whom i call God, is helping me turn my ego centric thinking into putting others first. and only God can do that!! thank you for helping keep me sober today, all of you. sheila/jj
