Currently in the middle of a 3 week long binge, trying to really stop and get back in the program. I am really just sick and tired of this and really need to get clean once and for all. I am 23 now and really feelking like i am just fucking up my life. I'm like really depressed and need to get out of this before i fuck everything off that i worked for. I am having trouble getting the motivation to drag myself to a meeting I feel really beat down and hopeless.
Looking at your other posts, it looks like you've been able to put together a few weeks of sobriety at a time, at least while in rehab. So you know what it takes to get through the initial withdrawal symptoms.
We drink to make ourselves feel differently. What feeling are you trying to change? Resentment? Fear? AA can help you deal with all that, that's what it is for.
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Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
Never ending??? I disagree. There are millions of alcoholics out there that finally put a stop to it. AA works, but you have to give it your all, which is less than you've been giving it up to now. If you had been giving it 100% there's a very good chance you wouldn't be where your at today. So what does giving it up mean? Give it to a Power greater than yourself. Follow our path, and keep an open mind. This program is ridiculously easy...we're the ones who complicate the hell out of it. LB said it best. You won't get what we have without doing what we did/do...meetings, a sponsor and steps. The first thing you need to do is go to meetings. No excuses, just go. Keep going. If you want this as bad as you say you do than 1 hour out of your day is nothing compared to a lifetime of hell. The choice is yours.
Brian
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Nothing ever truly dies. The universe wastes nothing. Everything is simply, transformed. :confuse:
Why don't you have hope? You think AA doesn't work? Have you every really tried it the way it's supposed to be done? If you think it's not going to work or if you think you are going to mess up, you probably will. You need to muster up some hope and then take action in the form of doing what others stated above. Being hopeless and unmotivated is going to do you nothing. You have to be at the point where you would do ANYTHING to stop drinking. If you feel unmotivated at this point...don't bother.
All efforts I made to stop drinking were pointless until I got to the point where I went to over 90 meetings in 90 days, got a sponsor right away, started working the steps, started doing service and just totally surrendered to AA. That is what I recommend you do. I was depressed as hell too in early sobriety, but I shared it in meetings and got myself to meetings (while also working full time) every single day. I was a blubbering mess but it was better than being in denial and acting like I was okay and did not need the help of other alcoholics. That is what I recommend you do. If you want to be sober bad enough. Just do it. Work hard for it and don't even consider failure or relapse as an option.
If you are at the point where you would do whatever it takes to be sober and where you are just sick to death of what alcohol (and or drugs) has done to you...Then you are ready to go at this like gangbusters and that is the only way it works. You much be painstaking from the very start!
Do exactly like I just said and sobriety is yours. You can choose not to and just relapse over and over. This is not rocket science. It starts with a little faith and then is followed up by a lot of action. Prayers going out to you!
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
