"I am responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there. And for that: I am responsible."
When I went to my very first large Speaker meeting in late August of 1992 a man walked out to the Podium in front of about 600 people and said;
"My name is Adam, and I am an alcoholic......
and I don't have to like you.....
As a matter of fact I probably DON'T like most of you.....
but I have to answer the phone if you call....
and I have to love you...."
I didn't know ANYTHING about The Program of Alcoholics Anonymous, I didn't know about the responsibility declaration, I didn't know about attraction not promotion but at that moment I wanted what that man had
The courage to stand in front of 600 people and tell them he didn't like them....
The crowd went wild, we were all laughing, clapping and cheering
evidently he wasn't the only one who felt that way
What he said is still true for me today nearly 20 years later
When the phone rings, I answer it, and when someone asks for help, if I think they are sincere, I help them
The man who 12 stepped me was nearly monosyllabic, he was no Einstein, but he took me to my first meeting, and he let me live with him for 30 days, he wouldn't take rent money, nor would he accept my thanks, all he said was "earn this, pull up the people behind you, when it's your turn, help someone else, it's how this deal works"
He didn't tell me to call Central Office, and he didn't farm me out to a rehab
He simply and quietly saved my life, big blue collar guy, he took me to my first meeting and held my hand under the table because I was so terrified, and he introduced me to my first sponsor, then I was on my own
Over the years I have tried my best to "earn this" as it was so succintly put in Saving Private Ryan, I have taken in 3 different young men over the years and put them on my couch, 2 are still sober today, I have taken possibly hundreds of people to their first meeting, and countless men through the steps, who have in turn taken countless more through the steps and brought uncounted numbers to their first meeting, I have met sponsee descendants 6 generations down...
I don't say this to say how cool I am, or say "look at me, look at me" I could give a f*** what people think of me truthfully, since I don't have to like you, nor do I care for your approval
But I have to love you, and I have to answer the phone
It's how I sleep at night, it's how I look at myself in the mirror, I don't look in the mirror and say to myself "I love you" or any of those other "positive affirmations" to feel good about myself, I was told if I wanted positive self esteem, do esteemable acts, and don't do them for gain, and don't even tell anyone, do them so you can sleep at night and not want to take your own life or drink
Love and Gratitude aren't a state of mind, they are a state of being, they are action words, they aren't being happy with the cool stuff I have got because I got sober, they are being happy with what I have to offer because I got sober and what I have given back to the simple Program that saved my life
THINK NOT, THAT BECAUSE YOU have been dry one year or two years, or ten years, that it is the result of your unaided efforts. The help which has been keeping normal will keep you so just as long as you live this program which I have mapped out for you. Beware of the pride that comes from growth, the power of numbers and invidious comparisons between yourselves, or your organization with other orginizations whose sucess depends on numbers, money and position. These material things are no part of your creed. The success of material organization comes from pooling of joint assets: yours from the union of mutual liabilities. Appeal for membership in material organizations is based upon a boastful recital of their accomplishments: yours on the humble admission of weakness, the motto of successful commercial enterprise is: "he profits most who serve best". The wealth of material organizations, when they take the inventory, is measured by what they have left: yours, when you take moral inventory, by what you have given."
I hope I never forget that
Because it works, and it's how I sleep at night, and it's how I can look myself in the mirror
If the entire universe seems to give a giant nod of approval at something I do and I go to sleep with a smile on my face, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of me or if they like me or not, and I don't need to look in the mirror and say positive affirmations about myself to myself to feel good about myself, nor do I need any kind of chemical assistance including alcohol or any other sort of outside validation to feel comfortable in my own skin
-- Edited by LinBaba on Friday 7th of January 2011 03:30:05 PM
__________________
it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
I like that. I know people with many years of recovery who have to grit their teeth while they love certain others. Matter of fact, I'm guilty of that too.
__________________
~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
A year after I got sober the man who 12 stepped me went out, he went on about a month long bender and myself and another alcoholic went to his house one night, he was drunk and he smashed up his house with a baseball bat as he cried about his parents that had passed away recently, all of the sudden he put the bat down and said "Let's go"
We took him to a meeting hammered drunk, he shared, cried, and he hasn't had a drink since, that was in 1993 or 4, he got married this last year
A newcomer I took to meetings became my sponsor 7 years later and saved my butt
When I got in a spot of bother with my family, and decided to move back home to the Bay Area, with no money and no job, the people who took me in, fed me, and helped me find work were all people I had helped years before
It works because we can't all be crazy on the same day, The men and women in AA carried me when I couldn't carry myself, if it wasn't for them I very much doubt I'd be alive, if I didn't do the same for them I wouldn't be able to live with myself
__________________
it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful
A girl that sponsored me MANY years ago who is my age is now struggling with alcohol and heroin. I have given her rides to meetings lately where I picked up my co-sponsor and her. I see her at a lot of meetings. She keeps using every few days but she keeps coming back. She says my 30 days gives her so much hope... I never thought about it like that. Usefulness is what keeps us going.
__________________
~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.
Each one of us may the the closest thing to the big book anybody ever sees. Hence, I will try to set an example and be the hand of AA that was extended to me.
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Hi bill recovered alcoholic. And I have a responsibilty to carry this message. The the good news that this book carries. The story of how many thousands of acoholics have recovered from a. Seemingly hopeles state of mind and body dispit expert medical opinion to the contrary. The bookand mt experience and working knowlege of the 12 steps. I am uniqickley qualified . To help where others fail . This book appealed to me and I found the solutuon to my disease. Spiritual in nature . The truth about me found when I opened that book and I dentified . I found a way to live to where I will never ever ever have to drink again . And I found purpose direction I am usefull my feelings no longer run me .most important I found a power greater than me and my disease. Thank god for a 12 step program.
